Fri 25 Feb, 2022 02:06 am
Just a little background info, I'm 16, almost 17, years old and a girl. I'm in my Jr year of high school, and I'm half in-person half online (doing electives in person and core classes +1 elective online, 3/8 periods in person.) Just in case it's relevant... (TLDR at bottom)
Just gonna cut to the chase here, I'm depressed, I'm never happy anymore, I have no social life and I'm always stressed. My parents are the root cause of a lot of this, but I'm also partly to blmae. I don't know what to do and I just feel stuck.
I basically only have contact with 2 people who aren't cousins or my immediate family. My best friend, and my boyfriend. Only one of these people I can see in real life on any regular basis, since my boyfriend and I are long distance. Which means, basically, I have no social life.
I'm part to blame for this, because for years, all throughout middle school, I only wanted to have my one friend and I was fine with that. I had a couple online only friends besides her, and it didn't bother me at all. But now it's wearing on my mental health and because of my parents I can't try to branch out and change it.
My parents are extremely strict for seemingly no reason at all. As I've gotten older, instead of giving me personal freedoms like they're supposed to, they just took them all away. To "keep me safe." Really, it's just putting me in danger. I am not okay.
I now have absolutely no social media or contact with anyone (besides my boyfriend) online at all. And this change has really effected me bacause, like I said, most of my contact with other people was always just online. But now normal things like snapchat, instagram, even youtube (besides on the school computer, but it's "safe search"), are off limits to me and I cannot make new online friends.
I can't communicate with anyone that isn't physically in my life. I can't try to make friends with new people or do something as simple as comment on a post. Which really has limited my social contact and I don't feel like it's healthy for me. (This website is litterally the best I have, because of my School chromebook. My phone has a ton of perental restrictions, I can basically only play a few games and text a few select people.)
I can't even check up on old friends of mine through social media. Before my parents restricted everything, I would keep up with friends I had in elementary school or people in my middle school. I could see how they were doing and sometimes we'd talk about hanging out during lunch at school or meeting at McDonalds or something. Now I don't even have that. And even if they try to reach out to me, I can't see it or respond, and how does that make me look?
I can't try to just meet people "normally" at school because I can't even do something as simple as exchange numbers. My phone restrictions only let me text people already in my contacts, I can't add any new ones.
And honestly, it's just embarissing. I don't want to talk to new peple because even if I get my parents to let me add their number, I don't want to have to explain why I can't text after 11 (my entire phone shuts off) or I can't follow them on Instagram or SnapChat. My parents will also make a big deal if I ever try to hang out with them outside of school.
The best thing I have is occasinal group sleepoers with my best friend and our other mutual friend, but I never see that friend outside of sleepovers because I can't text her and she doesn't go to my shcool.
More than anything, I just want to feel like a normal teenager. And I can't. It's hard to even talk to my best friend sometimes, because I hear her talking about finding new friends online or talking to people from her classes, and I know I can't. Sometimes I don't want to be around her, which isn't fair to her, but honestly it's hard to deal with the envy I often feel around her.
I feel like my parents have taken my teen years from me. I'm never happy at all and I just wat to be like a regualr highschool kid.
I don't know what to do... does anyone have any advice for me?
TLDR: I am completely cut off from any social media by my parents, and I can't even text anyone that isn't already in my contacts so making new friends is hard. I only have contact with my best friend and boyfriend outside of family. I'm depressed.
Here's a suggestion (and with Covid it might be harder or impossible so recognize that).
What sorts of activities does your school have? Sports? Yearbook? Drama club? French club? Chess? Etc. You get the idea.
Figure out a few that are of interest or at least are less objectionable to you and tell your folks (and yes, I mean tell, not ask) that you're joining the International club (or whatever).
If they object, tell them that it will help you get into a better college--- because it will.
Can they still be ridiculous about it? Unfortunately, we can't prevent that. But the idea of preventing you from doing something which is proven to help with college admissions, is sanctioned by the school, and run by a teacher/advisor is just absurd.
If you need to enlist the help of the teacher in charge of the group, then do so (that's one of the reasons why they're there).
Also, consider if you can, in general, talk to an adult relative. Maybe an aunt or grownup cousin can show them how enriching this would be for you and safe.
That might be a good idea. I do know my school has quite a few after shcool sports, a chess club, a drama club, and an after school choir. Probably others I haven't heard of too.
I'm not interested in sports or chess at all, although I could see me getting into drama, maybe choir but proabably not. I suppose I could ask my coucilor to see if there are any other options. Something art-oriented I'd be most willing to do.
I have done after school clubs in the past, in middle school back before I even had these issues. I joined one drama club for a little bit but it started stressing me out so I left after the first play was done (about 1/3 through the year). I remember it taking up a lot of my "free" time and falling behind on homework because of it, and having the set schedule at the time really stressed me out.
I'm weary to try again, although I'm older now and obviosly things with my parents have changed a lot so it's different. Just not 100% sure how it will go. Could be great, or terrible.
There's maybe a newspaper club? Photography?
By the way... did you get any action on the science teacher problem?
Photography at my school is a regular elective class. Not sure about a news paper but I've nver heard of one for my school. I think there might be an option for pottery but I'm not really sure, and that's probably the most "art" type club we have. If we even have it.
Thanks for asking lol. I emailed my councilor and asked her why the class suddenly switched to having so much work and told her I wasn't sure if I'd be able to complete it all since I also have other things I need to focus on.
She told me to do my best with the class and skip smaller assignments if I need to, then check in later. So I'm not really sure where she's trying to go with that but at least I started something.
You may not have been the only one who complained, Kayster. Did you give her an example of weekly assignments and the days on which he gives them to you when he shouldn't? That's VERY important information for her to have.
I basically told her that there was a sudden increase in assignments with the new term, and that it was taking up all my time and not leaving me time for my other classes. No, I didn't say anything about him posting on A days, I probably should. I'm not even sure if he's "allowed" to do that.
This website is litterally the best I have,
High school sucked for me too.
But thank God there is something better than this website to look forward to.
All the best,