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Mon 1 Aug, 2005 07:30 am
I went out on saturday night to a party and i saw a guy there that i had met in march. I remembered him vaguely. He saw me and recognized me and said hi. He came over to talk to me at one point and asked why i didnt have a drink, then he got me one. He seemed kind of shy. He came over several times and each time i had finished my drink so he offered another. I can be blunt so i said what are you trying to get me drunk? he just laughed and said, no, i just think you should have a drink. My friend dates his friend, they were kind of on the outs but seem like they'll be getting back together. I asked her what she thought of this guy, tim who was talking to me. She was like, he really likes you! I didnt ask how she knew, i just assumed that she meant because he kept buying me drinks. at one point i wasnt there and he gave my drink to my friend and said, this is for elisa, make sure she gets it.
he then asked if my friends and i wanted to come back to his place for drinks. I said that i didnt know what they were doing or if they'd want to. He kept asking how i was getting home and said several times that he could drive me home. I finally said, hmm why do you want to drive me home so bad. he said he wanted to hang out with me more. So when we were leaving i left to go with my friends, he had been insisting all night that i leave with him so finally i said, fine you can drive me home. I felt a little awkward-mostly for what people might think of him driving me home, but he was cute and nice so whatever. So he drives me home and of course comes in. We sit on the couch and talk a bit, then he goes to kiss me. I kissed him back. To make a long story short, that's all that ended up happening-we just kissed. He tried to do a bit more but respected my wishes when i said no. He was a really good kisser actually. He stayed at my place until 1:30 the next day. We mostly just laid in bed and talked. His friend called and said he needed a ride to someplace and that's when he was going to leave. But then we started making out again and it took him forever to leave. I cant say i minded though. we were about to fall asleep again when i heard my roomate and her boyfriend yelling in the window that they couldnt get inside because the door was locked. That kind of got him up...before this he had taken my phone and called his phone. I was like, what are you doing at first when he took my phone. Then he's like, well now i have your number...and you have mine too. He jokingly said, oh i already have an elisa in here what am i going to put you in here as.
It was kind of awkward when he was leaving, i had to introduce him to my roomate's bf, my roomate already knows this guy...so i walked him down stairs, he gave me a kiss goodbye and said, i'll talk to you. URGH! that's what got me. It wasnt like we had made plans to hang out again, but from the impression i got seemed interested in more than just kissing for the night. He remembered me from last march and had told me he asked who i was back then, and then the other night he was really going out of his way. Even my friends were like, wow he really wanted to see to it that you were taken care of all night with the drinks and the ride home. But i dont know....maybe he did just want to hook up for the night. I wont be heartbroken if he doesnt call, but i will wonder what the heck...if he doesnt.
I'd wait until you hear from him a second time. and make plans to do something away from eachothers apartments. Tell him you have to be some where later or something, you know, just to see if he can handle hanging out if it doesnt lead to anything back in bed.
This is the point in any relationship where being ultra honest is important, so get all the questions out of the way next time you see him. Ask him if he's just looking for someone to fool around with, or if hes looking for an honest partner. If it scares him away then you'll have instantly weeded out a relationship imposter. Serious people looking for serious relationships are more than happy to talk about their long term goals.
Be honest with him too.. if youre just looking for a part time boyfriend you should tell him, incase he's looking for a long term commitment. Being as frightfully honest as possible is the best thing to do, if youre afraid of 'scaring him off' he's not worth the effort.
I told my husband the first day we met that i wanted a husband a house and a family. That was three years ago... i had finally gotten sick of trying to keep someone around that really wasnt in it. So i'd just be honest and tell him what you want, and find out what he wants, and if you cant meet in the middle then he sounds like someone who'd make a good friend.
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well that night when he kept insisting on driving me home and hanging out more, I kind of felt annoyed and said, geez, why do guys always have to do everything so quick, whatever happened to just asking for someone's # and calling the next day?? He said, well that happens too, but i want to hang out with you more now. I said it sounds like you are just looking for someone to hook up with and he said, no that's not what it's all about....he could have just been saying that though. He probably knew that if he said, yes i'm just looking to hook up, i'd have said, see you later.
He definitely was not in a hurry to leave the next morning-even when we werent fooling around. I dont know...it's just hard to tell what someone is really looking for when stuff happens quickly...i tried to be smarter about it, but he basically kept insisting that it was ok
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i know it's a bit long but does anyone else have any advice?
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i know it's a bit long but does anyone else have any advice?
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Thanks you guys are great.
He might be interested, he might not. This is one of those "wait and see" things. It's Monday, you were together on Saturday, for most guys that's waaaaayyyyyyy too soon to call.
Yeah, I know it's aggravating, but I'm afraid that's the mating dance.
Re: re
mchalel wrote:i know it's a bit long but does anyone else have any advice?
Advice about what?
You met him once. You met him twice. He has your number. He might call.
What are you looking for advice about?
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I guess i'm just really frustrated. I dont really care that i made out with the guy, i'm just tired of being alone. Yeah i know, taking a guy home and making out with him is not exactly the way to start a relationship, but i guess i feel like i've just had it! I'm not trying to sound conceited but i feel that i'm attractive, I'm young, i'm nice, i have a good job, i have a life outside work, but i rarely meet guys. I am kind of shy, perhaps that's my downfall...I guess i just feel like if this guy doesnt call, I will feel a bit played/insulted. I'll feel like, what is wrong with me. I'm just tired of relationships not working out for me. Anytime I like guy or want him to call-it seems that those are the guys that dont call. And anytime, i'm not at all interested in a guy-those are the guys that like me. It's not like i'm going after guys that are out of my league at all either. But i do seem to attract the guys who 'arent looking for anything serious.' I dont think i give off a vibe that says that either. Urghh. Part of me does wish that i hadnt opened myself up to this rejection the other night, but i guess i did, why do i care?
I don't think you opened yourself up for rejection. At least not on the first real meeting. You are both at the very beginning of what may become a friendship or something more. To read more into at this early stage will only frustrate you.
Give him some time. He obviously seemed to care about you. He honored your wishes and didn't push for more than just kissing. I think if he were only looking for a lay he would have left shortly after you said no. He obviously felt comfortable, staying the entire night and hanging out with you the next day without asking for more than your good company.
There is nothing wrong with kissing as you did and you set your boundaries and he was ok with that. That shows a lot of respect on both of your parts.
At this early stage, I don't think I would lay it all out on the line and tell him you want to get married, have kids, a house and and a full on life with him. I believe you should start as friends and see where that takes you. After all, it is better long down the road if you do marry your best friend that some guy who isn't. Long term compatibility should be what you are looking for not and instant, deep relationship.
My guess is that he will call you. But take it slow. I've seen too many people get too deeply involved way too quickly and it is then that you set yourself up for rejection and hurt.
Chill, be cool and just enjoy the time you two have together. And remember, each of you had/have full lives before you met. Neither of you would be or should be expected to drop all of that based on one get together. Keep your life going as it is and if he is interested in you and you are interested in him, it will naturally work out on its own.
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thanks. I dont think i did anything too scandalous, but i do know that i will feel cheap and used if he doesnt call. I guess i set myself up for this though. I should know by now what i can and cant handle...these types of situations upset. I"m just one of those people who has to know what's going on all the time as far as any type of relationship. I just feel so clueless about this right now. Its like i spent a lot of time with him the other day, but now who knows if i'll even hear from him.
What about you? Do you want to get involved in a relationship with this guy? And if so, is it based on just what happened that one night? Would you consider hanging out and becoming friends first? Or should it be all or nothing?
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yeah i would be friends first. I"m not looking to jump into anythign serious, but i'd like to hang out with him again
Someone on another board just told me it sounds like, 'he's just not that into me.' They didnt say why...so i asked why and am waiting for a response. ahhh whatever
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so he still hasnt called....should i assume this was just another bust? I know some people dont call until wednesday night...but i dont know. Seeing how he did end up sleeping at my place and we talked all morning, i guess i'd have thought he'd call sooner. I feel like maybe in some way he felt that i didnt want him there due to the previous nights events, but still...i think i showed that i was interested after the fact, lol. I'm just so sick of this. Anytime i actaully WANT the guy to call he doesnt. Anytime I could care less if they call they do. So frustrating.
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ok i've kind of had to pull teeth to get answers on this for whatever reason. SO what do you think? what is the latest you should really give someone to call>
Re: re
mchalel wrote:I"m just one of those people who has to know what's going on all the time as far as any type of relationship.
This is kinda Mission Impossible I think. I've never been in any relationship where I knew what was going on, other than what I was doing. I've been able to make some decent guesses, but I've never been a mind reader - I simply don't know (100%) what anyone else is thinking. I can know what they're saying and doing, but I still don't know what they're thinking.
I'm sure you've heard it before, but sometimes you've just got to ease up on the expectations/wanting to know side of things when it comes to relationships.
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I guess i would have thought after our interaction on sunday...that he'd have called monday. I really did. I was disappointed that he didnt, then he didnt call yesterday, so today it's just seeming hopeless. Maybe i really have an attachment problem. How could i feel this upset over someone i knew for like 12 hours? I guess cuddling/making out can do that to someone.
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