Why did God make us completely unable...

...to relate to one another?

Seriously.

I grew up. I went to school, I went to work, I have never had that many friends.

At the best of times, normal social stuff completely broke down. I was a boy who simply wasn't that interested in boy things. I didn't follow sports, I didn't particularly like to wrestle or anything, not like my brother. I had some friends in primary school, almost no friends in junior high until about the last year and got bullied by some kid named Frank S. In high school, I had some acquaintances but the ones I hung out with most were either just in class or they were the sorta punk goth kids, or programmer types. I secretly liked girl things but couldn't admit this to myself until well past college. Meanwhile, in college I met Frank again. We talked to each other. Turns out that he was kinda sad, and lonely. His life went to **** past middle school, and he was sorry he bullied me. I forgave him, but there was no real going back, and it was a big campus. I met a few sorta friends. One was a girl named Kelly, who I had a bit of an obsessive crush on. But honestly, I couldn't just have a normal relationship with her, and I pushed her away more than anything. There was a dort of goth anime kid that I hung out with named Will, and much of his friends. But sometimes he could be kinda mean to me, and there was a sense of strain because I was this weird kid who never really grew up anywhere without getting uprooted. After college, no one and nothing for the longest time. Oh sure, I had jobs. Janitor. Gardening. Volunteer stuff. Usually strange hours, no coworkers, or both. I came to want work more for a sense of social connection than for money. A sense of belonging. Like literally no employer I worked for really was able to pay me what I wanted. I worked for Amazon, where if you got too close to someone, you got literally pulled to the other side of the factory. The money was great, but it was 10 hours a day of complete isolation, except to maybe be warned that you were going too slowly. With Picking, I didn't have too much of an issue with it. I just collected items, filled the cart, and moved on to the next. I was told after the holiday season, that I was no good at that (bullshit), and moved to Stowing. Which I legit was no good at, because I was basically dealing with a bunch of full shelves. Since there was fewer people to pick, it was like a nice way of saying there was no use for me. I eventually quit after it was clear that I had too many warnings for a permanent position. I worked in Walmart, which was sort of more a normal job, except for the insane punchclock thing (they didn't believe in overtime, but they liked to get last minute work out of you, so I'd routinely edit my hours). Then my car engine quit, and I was so stressed out that I had prune juice for lunch, just so I could miss most of work and/or leave early. After that, I took no more jobs in the city. After that, I was out as trans, moved back to the country, took a job as female working at a library. The job was a pleasant working environment until it wasn't. Old boss retired, new boss wanted me out. The people I worked with were suddenly moved off to different duties, and I was stuck at the desk. I'd get slammed with people (literal Uriah gambit) and set up to screw up. The scanner wouldn't work, and I'd check in items (but not really) resulting in late fees. Or I'd check out items (but not really) resulting in lost items. I got report after report, and I was stressed out. I just wanted to please the lady. Nothing I did ever was to her liking. Finally, I complain to her manager, and get fired on the spot. The last day, I managed good customer service, but it was a weird situation (like there were five people in there, because she'd told everyone I was no good or something).

Stayed in touch with a friend from the library, but when that too went sour (weeks from the COVID thing, possibly even days; so much so that it was like she put a restraining order on the entire world), she called me toxic. The same word that the boss had used with regard to my role in the company. Excuse me, but it's also kinda toxic to abuse your employees, take credit for theier work, and cut their hours. I would have not complained if you hadn't given me so few hours that it wasn't even worth coming in. As for the girl, yeah, but it went both ways. She wanted me to help her with problems but I got no respect for it. And when I finally did complain, she got really in a hurry to cut ties.

I have never really been able to open up to other people. And no, it's not a matter of my being trans being a weird thing. I've told them about that or not, but it didn't seem to make any difference. There was a wall regardless, and people I met always seemed to be one of two extremes, friendly but aloof, or outright abusive. Like where are actual normal people at? Soneone once described social behavior like hedgehogs cuddling for warmth. Either they get cold, or they prick each other.

It's not just me. My dad got roped into being president when he just wanted to be a volunteer in a historical society. It was thankfully only about three weeks, but they basically pressured him to be exactly like the last president, and gave him this paper which he wrote, but without any instruction, they're like "That four page paper? It was supposed to be one page." He cut it substantially, and they're like, "Uhhhh this isn't working." And he's all like Ohh thank God. My mom keeps trying to stay in touch with family, but they all give her a cold treatment. She's trying so hard to make them happy. But one sibling's kids are spoiled and the other have a domineering mother who screens all gifts. It's not even worth it to give either set of children any gifts, and the parents themselves are impossibly picky. While her relationship with her children is cold, he relationship with her sister and one of her friends is constant demands. She drives out of town most of the week, resulting in arguments from my dad about incessant phone calls. She's taken for granted.

As for me, my attempt at self-employed dried up, I don't want a new job during COVID hysteria. I'm effectively retired. I'm done, I've had enough of other bosses, and I'm no good as my own boss.
My big bro decides to harass me about it. Then he tried to get my parents to do so. They're more concerned with me having cut social ties, and wouldn't mind if I volunteered. But still, yeah I'm out.

Like, I dunno of anyone who has a normal relationship with anyone. Not on webforums, not outside, nowhere. Why are there healthy relationships? In just this week, someone I'd talked to for awhile arbitrarily blocked me on Discord. Why? Why is it seemingly impossible to connect with other people?