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boyfriend friends with girl he used to get nudes from and obsessed over him, should I be uncomfortab

 
 
Reply Tue 4 Dec, 2018 04:02 pm
hey everyone,

I just wanted to probe your guys' minds about a particular issue of mine I am having with my current boyfriend...

so the issue goes like this: my boyfriend has this friend of his that prior to our relationship he would receive a fair amount of nudes from (that he would accept happily and well… ya know), and would basically drool and obsess every waking minute over his existence in her life.
How recent were those nudes sent compared to when were a thing you may wonder? March of that year and we started dating September of that year…
How exactly did she basically profess her obsession/love for him you may wonder? Her social media accounts would never fall short of calling him “bestie/best friend” with heart emojis at the very least and sometimes the explicit phrase, “I love you” at times… all of these posts which he acknowledged and knew full well about…
He initially told me that he received nudes from her but that was all I initially heard of her. Later on after I did some of my own digging, I saw that it was far more than just nudes that were exchanged and that they would talk endlessly, sometimes quite late till the time he’d go to sleep, blah, blah, blah and that is when I found the numerous posts of him on her Facebook. Upon asking him about her, he would state that they weren’t much of anything (and acted like their friendship didn’t mean much to him), yet when I confronted him about the many posts she tagged him in, he acted shocked (even though he liked just about every one that mentioned him). This was my red flag and when I became uncomfortable about them ever hanging out… (like he pretended to be unaware of the posts, even though he knew about them)
I expressed this concern of mine to his, and he felt that there was no worry with their friendship (that he claimed wasn’t even that much) and that I didn’t have a thing to worry with.

My dilemma is this, whilst she may not be sending him nudes anymore since the relationship began and he told her not to send such content, I am still nonetheless uncomfortable at the idea of them hanging out when I consider the idea that he got off to photos of her…

Thoughts?
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Dec, 2018 04:43 pm
@a-girl-who-loves-dog,
I’m having trouble following your timeline.

Are they “hanging out” presently?
a-girl-who-loves-dog
 
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Reply Tue 4 Dec, 2018 04:54 pm
@PUNKEY,
not anytime recent, the last time they "hung out" was when he went to her house to give her his hoodie he had "promised" her during high school (we're both in college now)... behind my back knowing full-well what he did wasn't cool... that time being this year January... (to add insult to injury, I was coming back from a long distance trip and we had been in a rough spot) *that is another can of worms within the story of this duo...*

however, he claims that he is going to see her or something to apologize for drifting apart as friends.. or something on the lines of that, I don't even know on that one...

so to answer your question, that I know of, I don't believe they have any time recently.
PUNKEY
 
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Reply Tue 4 Dec, 2018 09:35 pm
@a-girl-who-loves-dog,
Anything he did before you two agreed to an exclusive relationship should not be of your concern.
a-girl-who-loves-dog
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Dec, 2018 09:02 am
@PUNKEY,
the fact of the matter is that when I expressed my concern of them continuing a "friendship" that mostly consisted of sexual acts and her drooling over him, he didn't seem to get why I would ever be uncomfortable at the idea of them....

on that same token, he once (this January) went to her house, behind my back only telling me after because he knew I wouldn't have liked it at all, to give her a hoodie of his that he "promised" her. a hoodie that she would post numerous pictures in stating, "haha, stole _____'s hoodie"... "___'s hoodie is sooo warm", well you get the gist of them.. adding insult to injury, I was coming back from a long distance trip during which we were in an argument...

so whilst it may be before our relationship, her undying love for him and his particular actions put me as unease, however, I am not sure if maybe it is just me or they're as questionable as I think they are.
0 Replies
 
a-girl-who-loves-dog
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Dec, 2018 04:49 pm
@a-girl-who-loves-dog,
**so in new development, after he removed her from his Facebook because I expressed my discomfort, she then friends him and he happily accepts it, what?**
neptuneblue
 
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Reply Wed 5 Dec, 2018 07:39 pm
@a-girl-who-loves-dog,
If you don't want to compete for someone's affection, then don't.

You can bow out gracefully. He's made his choice, he does prefer to be friends with her over your discomfort. That you keep holding on to the idea he will choose you and dump her isn't reality.

They obviously have unfinished business. Let them figure it out, without you getting hurt in the process.
a-girl-who-loves-dog
 
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Reply Thu 6 Dec, 2018 11:44 am
@neptuneblue,
you are correct, and I need to dip out of a relationship that isn't just between him and I, but she's somewhere in the mix too, for God knows what reason but she is.
0 Replies
 
a-girl-who-loves-dog
 
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Reply Thu 10 Jan, 2019 09:41 pm
@a-girl-who-loves-dog,
So guys, not like it matters much anymore at this point, but thought I might as well inform you with the most recent and last development on this situation.

we broke up.
While I am sad I wasted a year and three months with such a manipulative guy who treated our relationship like a meer game, I learned a lot of what not to do from this first, serious relationship of mine and feel so relieved I was able to cut things off before it was prolonged.
mystikmind
 
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Reply Thu 21 Mar, 2019 04:59 pm
@a-girl-who-loves-dog,
The part that i dont get is this.... if he wanted to be in a relationship with her then he would never have dated you in the first place!

Its clear that he cares about her but did not want to be in a relationship with her, that is not so unusual is it?

The problem is that he did not handle the situation very well. His actions are out of fear that you will not understand, and, personally, i think he anticipated your reactions quite well!
a-girl-who-loves-dog
 
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Reply Thu 9 May, 2019 01:57 pm
@mystikmind,
what I can say for sure is that I am beyond happy I dumped the guy since I should not have to worry about him not understanding something I know full well he would have almost no tolerance for.

upon talking to the girl herself days before we broke up, she even knew her place more than he did and explained to me how she had slowly drifted away from him since she could tell I was uncomfortable.... seeing that he did not have the maturity to see that, I am nothing but happy with my decision on leaving him and have no "pity" the he may have worried about how I would react, since he knew it was not right and that is the only reason he would "worry", seeing that he himself knows he wouldn't accept the same kinda bs from me.
PUNKEY
 
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Reply Thu 9 May, 2019 05:38 pm
@a-girl-who-loves-dog,
Sounds like you are at peace about this.

Now, let it go.

0 Replies
 
Medusax
 
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Reply Sat 31 Aug, 2019 06:51 pm
@neptuneblue,
Correct.
0 Replies
 
 

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