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Need advice on female colleague

 
 
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 03:56 pm
Over this year I’ve become really good friends with a woman at work (I’m male). She is a couple of years older (we’re early 30s), she is divorced with a young child and I am in a LTR with my girlfriend who I live with. Me and this woman have grown quite close - we have lots of mutual hobbies and interests and when we’re together we just “click”. Our senses of humour are the same and we spend our days sharing jokes and chat. We text daily - long back and forth conversations. She is very attractive - looks and body. She works out a lot (one of our common interests) and I’ve always told her I’d love to see her body given the exercise she does. She just laughs it off. I admit I love flirting with her - and she does flirt back but I have been shut down a couple of times / she’ll ignore certain questions. She has even met my gf so knows she exists. The other week things got a bit “hotter” after she told me she was drunk and the next day woke up with her clothes on the stairs and no pjs on. I jokingly thanked her for her drunk photos and said she had lovely lingerie (this was all in jest). She laughed and said no she wouldn’t do that. I asked her what would it take to see her body / sexy undies and she replied if we are ever both available she’s consider it. I replied that I wasn’t availabile and wasn’t going to be, what a shame etc. No response from her. I text the day about something completely different thanking her for something she’d offered earlier in the week. Again, no reply (but I didn’t ask a question). So the next day I text again asking about a work call and made a few jokes, called her beloved etc to try and test the waters. I got a one line “too busy” curt reply, I replied saying oh no that’s a shame hope things quiet down for you soon. That was five days ago and she’s left me on unread. Is this friendship over? I was clear I had a gf? Should I leave things as they are or try and smooth them over?
Can I just add that a couple of colleagues mentioned our “obvious chemistry” and “romance on the cards” recently. We both laughed it off. We occasionally meet for a walk during work as we live close by and nothing has ever happened. I’ve suggested coffee / lunch / invite to my house but she hasn’t said yes yet, other than in group things. I do think we like each other but she’s conscious of my gf.
 
Mame
 
  4  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 04:02 pm
@sjandersen2021,
What are you doing flirting with someone when you have a girlfriend?? What is wrong with you?

Also, it's completely inappropriate when it happens at WORK!

Also, suggesting you'd like to see her body? What? Who says that?

You're over the line, IMO - way over.

She was culpable, as well, but geez - what idiotic behaviour! Think of where you were wanting to see this going. If I were your g/f, I'd dump your sorry ass.

Completely unacceptable behaviour on both of your parts.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 04:09 pm
@sjandersen2021,
Dude, you are one HR conversation away from getting fired for this crap.

Cut it out yesterday.
sjandersen2021
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 04:15 pm
@jespah,
But we’re texting on personal mobiles outside of work!
Mame
 
  2  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 04:18 pm
@sjandersen2021,
You WORK together. She may have become uncomfortable with all your personal comments (witness your unread texts) and decide to say something to someone at work. How'd that be? Get hauled into HR for making someone uncomfortable, especially if she saved the texts, and in this day and age (can you say #MeToo?)?

Why are you even engaging in this? Rule #1: Don't do or say anything you can't tell or repeat to your grandma, mom, or girlfriend.

What is with you?
0 Replies
 
sjandersen2021
 
  0  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 04:20 pm
I just want to be friends again - I want to reach out and clear the air. We get along so well
Mame
 
  3  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 04:23 pm
@sjandersen2021,
Too late!

No guarantee it wouldn't degenerate as it did before. Knock it off. Give it up. It's over.
0 Replies
 
sjandersen2021
 
  0  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 04:28 pm
Do you think she was expecting something more like a relationship and that’s why she isn’t replying?
maxdancona
 
  -2  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 04:29 pm
@sjandersen2021,
This is obviously mutually consensual. I wish people would cut ot out with the #MeToo crap.

It sounds like this woman is open to an affair. The OP is sending mixed sognals. If he wanted to sleep with this woman, and stopped screwing around, he could.

That being said, sexual relationships at work come with obvious risks, and it is generally better to end one relationship before you start another.
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 04:30 pm
@sjandersen2021,
I think you creeped her out.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  3  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 04:31 pm
@sjandersen2021,
How could we possibly know what she was thinking? You don't even know and you know her.

I'm thinking she got uncomfortable when it went too far for her, hence your 5 unread texts, so take a hint and back off.

0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  4  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 04:32 pm
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:

This is obviously mutually consensual. I wish people would cut ot out with the #MeToo crap.



It was mutual to a point and then it obviously wasn't.

I wish you'd get off the 'porn' crap.
maxdancona
 
  -2  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 04:43 pm
@Mame,
I read it that she wanted something and he told her he wasn't interested, and then tried to jump in again.

[Max with Miagi voice]

Go after woman yes ... Safe. Go after woman no....safe. go after woman so-so... Squashed like bug.
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  4  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 04:51 pm
She may have been interested at some point, but he took it too far with the smarmy innuendo.
Mame
 
  3  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 05:59 pm
@glitterbag,
Not to mention unacceptable lingerie remarks! Ugh.
glitterbag
 
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Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2021 07:20 pm
@Mame,
I know, it's vomit inducing.
0 Replies
 
sjandersen2021
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Dec, 2021 10:06 am
Okay I get the vibe that maybe I pushed it too far and have possibly upset her, which I feel awful about. I never meant to lead her on. I see now that perhaps she thought I was interested (I mean I am but I have a gf). Should I message her casually and ask how her Christmas was and see how that goes? I don’t want it to be awkward at work for us
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Thu 30 Dec, 2021 10:27 am
@sjandersen2021,
What do you mean by "lead her on"??? I don't think she gives a crap about your girlfriend, I think you latched on too quickly and probably offended her sense of well-being. I have not a clue why any man would tell a co-worker he's like to see her in her underwear, but it's not a sexy or even attractive thing to say. It's too personal and off putting. I suggest you leave her alone ad stop trying to find out if she thinks you are attractive, she doesn't and now she's going to give you a lot of distance.
0 Replies
 
 

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