Why so Complicated?

Forums: Relationships, Flirting, Advice, Texting
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So I went to a bar a few days ago and saw a gorgeous female bartender. I caught her multiple times staring at me for a few seconds and smiling or trying to gain my attention. I tried to start a small talk but it was a busy Saturday so it was impossible to keep a normal conversation. I had to leave so I told her that I'd love to meet her again under normal conditions and gave her my number written on a napkin (didn't ask for hers in case she had any problems while working). It has been 4 days but no text yet.

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[+3] - engineer - 11/23/2021I think you forget about her. It's her job to be friendly to people and she probably has guys mistake that for interest all the time. If she was interested she'd have called.

@DrSak,

Shall I try and find her through social media? Go at the bar again and make it more awkward? Or wait?

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Go back to the bar. It will not make it awkward. Order a drink and find out if she remembers you. Don't overthink this. You've only met her once.

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@bobsal u1553115,

I have three realistic options. Wait, find her through social media, or go to the bar again. If I go, wouldn't it be awkward since she chose not to use the number?

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@DrSak,

Only if you make it one. Don't even bring it up. Just order a drink and small talk. Even if you are "the one", remember you one of many potential "ones". Set yourself apart from the horndogs by being cool, calm, collected, and not obviously on a mission.

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@DrSak,

I think you forget about her. It's her job to be friendly to people and she probably has guys mistake that for interest all the time. If she was interested she'd have called.

1 Reply

@engineer,

I think he should go back, service industry types have a hard time meeting non-service types and just might like meeting someone a bit more than the one-nite barstool Romeos she gets digits from normally.

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@bobsal u1553115,

agreed... keep chipping away...

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@DrSak,

DrSak wrote:

So I went to a bar a few days ago and saw a gorgeous female bartender. I caught her multiple times staring at me for a few seconds and smiling or trying to gain my attention. I tried to start a small talk but it was a busy Saturday so it was impossible to keep a normal conversation. I had to leave so I told her that I'd love to meet her again under normal conditions and gave her my number written on a napkin (didn't ask for hers in case she had any problems while working). It has been 4 days but no text yet.

I taught bartending at the largest bartending school in the world. One thing we always mention is to be friendly. Smiling at customers is the right thing to do for your employer...and it is the right thing to do for yourself. It gets you bigger tips.

There is a chance she was coming on to you, but it is a miniscule chance compared with the chance that she was just doing her job as a bartender.

Most women I know seem to think that a guy giving them his number is a turn off. Seems a bit arrogant.

1 Reply

@Frank Apisa,

Thanks for the reply. I have worked as a bartender for many years as well in clubs, islands etc. Sure number one rule is to always smile and make a good tip but that was not it. Maybe giving her my number wasn't the best thing to do but I wouldn't ask for hers in front of managers or colleagues. But you can tell when someone is paying attention to you at a busy bar.

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@DrSak,

DrSak wrote:

Thanks for the reply. I have worked as a bartender for many years as well in clubs, islands etc. Sure number one rule is to always smile and make a good tip but that was not it. Maybe giving her my number wasn't the best thing to do but I wouldn't ask for hers in front of managers or colleagues. But you can tell when someone is paying attention to you at a busy bar.

Okay. Good luck.

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@DrSak,

She is a bar tender who is working mostly for tips and it is her job to be friendly and smile to procure said tips.

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@DrSak,

DrSak wrote:

find her through social media,

Don't do this. That's just creepy.

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@cherrie,

I agree! Stalkerish. I would hate that!

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@Mame,

I would too.

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@DrSak,

There's four possibilities as I see it:
- she was just doing her job; or
- she thought you were cute; or
- she thought you were cute but has a boyfriend; or
- she thought you were creepy

The biggest thing is, she didn't give you a call.

Simple fact is, if you went back and pretended nothing was amiss, and she offered you her number...then you know she lost it and actually was in to you Short of that, she wasn't truly interested in you, no matter what you think.

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