friends who put their boyfriends first

re
'The bottom line is your friend is trying to tell you that she prefers to spend time with her BF when he is around. Your bugging her about it is not a solution.'

Sweetie, i dont bug her about it. I am just in my mind evaluating the friendship. If she is going to constantly prefer being with her bf over friends (that means me) then i really guess i have to lower on my good friend list.

I would rather surroung myself with people who want to be with me NOT just based on the fact that their bf isnt around. And i had said that she snubbed the out of town friend to GO clubbing with her bf. I'm not trying to change her by any means...but i might have to change how i feel about our friendship at this point.

Well, you seemed to have come to the solution.

Bravo.

i kniw exactly what this feels like i am going through it with some one right now dammm right annoying. I have stopped all conatc with this girl becuase it is too frutrating to see her when sh feels like it. I would do the same and she how she feels then she will sooner or later work out she has no friends and what a good person you were

re
yeah we actually hung out on monday night for about 2 hours. I went over after work, we had dinner, chatted, her bf was there. It was nice. It just kills me how difficult it is to set up something simple like that. She's literally 2 miles from where i work. I actually ended up leaving because she and her bf were going to the gym. I just know though that the next time we make plans it will the same thing all over again.

mchael,

I've been through that situation too.
For me, it got frustrating bc she would call me when he was gone, when they were fighting, or when she had spare time: but never otherwise.
She expected me to jump at the chance to see her when she was available, but had no problem blowing me off. She pretty much expected me to arrange my schedule to fit her in, but would not do the same for me.
It got to the point where she had no idea what was going on in my life: it was all about her. It was a one-sided friendship.

One night I sat her down and talked about it. I told her that I loved her, and I wanted to spend time with her and be friends, but I was not ok with being used. I reminded her of all the great times we'd had, and how I wanted to be part of her life. I gave her the exact things I required of her in order to keep being there for her: basic respect of my time, calling to see how I am every once in a while, not constantly blowing me off, etc.
I asked if she could do that at this point in her life.
She said she didn't know. Our friendship changed after that. I stopped spending time with her bc she wasn't able to be there for me.

It's true that sometimes priorities change and friends can drift apart.
She might be a bit obsessive or have unhealthy patterns, but it's not your job to fix them. That's up to her.

You just gotta decide how much of yourself you can give to the relationship, if any at all, without getting hurt.

Only you know

good luck n' love

re
'She said she didn't know. Our friendship changed after that. I stopped spending time with her bc she wasn't able to be there for me'

Yeah i know this would happen with my friend and I. She's intent on this guy being her husband and she'll do whatever she can to make that happen. I did have somewhat of a talk with her about it last year, when she blew off a friend she hadnt seen in 3 years to go clubbing with her boyfriend. Unforunately the discussion took place over e-mail. I just told her how i felt, i said i thought it was weird that she could not take the night off w/ her bf to go out with a good friend (and me) that she hadnt seen in a while. she basically said, she had her plans with the bf and she wasnt going to change them. I was shocked by it all really. I brought up she acted this way in college with her bf and it was just the same thing over again. She told me i was offending her. So we basically silently agreed to disagree. I remember e-mailing her that mon morning that i had seen our friend and that i hoped she had a good time. She wrote back, yes we had a great time actually. I couldnt help but think, what a b*tch. But oh well, she's still my friend