how to know if I'm a lesbian

Reply Wed 20 Oct, 2021 06:36 pm
Hello gay people, I am in the middle of an identity crisis and I would like some help !

First of all: yes, I do know labels are not important and I totally understand and join that point of view, but I just feel like I want an answer.

Then, let me tell you about my situation: I am a teenage (demi)girl who has "only" been with one person: a girl. I discovered I was queer 3 years ago and have been identifying as bi/pan since.

The thought I could be a lesbian crossed my mind a few times, but I always used to tell myself "nah, I like dudes too". Especially after I broke up with my (ex) girlfriend. The relationship was becoming close to toxic so I was like "Thank god I still like men, I need a little break from girls".

And I started developing a crush on this random guy I never really talk to. I started imagining scenarios with him, and it felt nice. The excitement I got when we were about to see each other felt nice. When he looked at me, it felt nice.

But, I didn't, and still do not know him very well. Or at all really.

When I finally got over what happened with my ex and stoped being bitter about it, that's when the questioning began. Now all I want is a girlfriend. And I started asking myself: "Do I like guys or do I only like the attention they give me ? Do I like guys or do I only like the idea of being in love/having a crush ?".

And thinking about it, I think I'm more looking for this nice and warm feeling of having a crush than an actual relationship with a guy.

Does that even make sense ? Has anyone experienced the same thing ?

I think the nervousness I feel whenever I talk to a guy is because of my social anxiety and the fact that I really don't connect to him, more than me finding him attractive and being a little shy. I am not sexually attracted to guys but I guess I wouldn't mind hugging or even kissing one (but maybe I just enjoy physical contact). I don't want any lasting romantic relationship with guys. And when I dig into my memories, the only time I had a very strong feeling of attachment towards a guy, it turned out to be platonic and friendly.

When it comes to women, I am attracted to them on all the levels and almost always feel that connection with them.

Can I be a lesbian if I am "sensually" attracted to guys ?

That's pretty much all. I would love to have your opinion ! Or you could even share your own stories on how you knew you only liked women or not ! Anyways thanks for reading !
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