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Faking it

 
 
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2021 01:14 pm
So I fake about 80% of my orgasms and this is a source of insecurity for me because I get stressed about taking to long which makes it even harder so I give up and fake it.
I reached out to my husband and told him it was a source of insecurity and asked if it would be ok to ask for more of other things after he has come in order for me to get off as well. The only lie I told was how often. I told him it wasn’t often because I didn’t want to risk making him insecure about himself or offending him because he’s ‘not good enough’. These are also why I don’t ask for more and just settle on the fake since he can’t tell anyways.

He told me “ I mean I would have preferred you been honest to begin with because now I’m trying to figure out how often you fake your orgasms” and “ That’s honestly something you probably should have kept to yourself I’m glad you were honest but that’s not something I want to know because now I’m thinking there is something wrong with me” (copy and pasted texts)

I immediately regretted saying anything and started to apologize for saying anything and feeling really anxious and insecure.
He then preceded to tell me “ I’m sorry but it’s a turn off I’m not going to lie to you” talking about me not coming during the deed.

Now I feel like absolute **** and wish I had never said anything at all and I don’t know what to do or how to make myself feel better
 
Frank Apisa
 
  3  
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2021 02:54 pm
@sssdavidson,
sssdavidson wrote:


So I fake about 80% of my orgasms and this is a source of insecurity for me because I get stressed about taking to long which makes it even harder so I give up and fake it.
I reached out to my husband and told him it was a source of insecurity and asked if it would be ok to ask for more of other things after he has come in order for me to get off as well. The only lie I told was how often. I told him it wasn’t often because I didn’t want to risk making him insecure about himself or offending him because he’s ‘not good enough’. These are also why I don’t ask for more and just settle on the fake since he can’t tell anyways.

He told me “ I mean I would have preferred you been honest to begin with because now I’m trying to figure out how often you fake your orgasms” and “ That’s honestly something you probably should have kept to yourself I’m glad you were honest but that’s not something I want to know because now I’m thinking there is something wrong with me” (copy and pasted texts)

I immediately regretted saying anything and started to apologize for saying anything and feeling really anxious and insecure.
He then preceded to tell me “ I’m sorry but it’s a turn off I’m not going to lie to you” talking about me not coming during the deed.

Now I feel like absolute **** and wish I had never said anything at all and I don’t know what to do or how to make myself feel better


Don't feel like ****...or even feel bad. Talking about these kinds of things is exactly what couples are supposed to do.

Your husband seems to be the insecure one here. His reaction was not especially adult. Yeah, it may have hit his ego a bit, but he should be able to handle something like that much better.

As for the problem, I've always thought the idea of simultaneous orgasms was way, way overdone. One of you almost invariably will reach the end first. My personal feeling is that the woman should be that person. The man should help the woman get off...and then get help from the woman achieving his satisfaction. All sorts of ways to get that done.

You should discuss the notion with him...and come up with ideas that work for you both.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2021 04:05 pm
Probably should have not let this go as long as you did. Now he will be looking back and wondering if it ever was “ real” for you.

When did this start? Does this happen when you two are on vacation?

Orgasms are 90% in the head. If you aren’t in to it, it’s never going to happen. So a real good look at what’s happening with yourself emotionally is in order.

(I’m assuming you have checked all this out physically but a trip to the Dr. could help if there is a hormone issue or other physical problem)

Tell your husband you are taking some time to figure out what’s giving on with yourself and that you have enjoyed sexual life with him and know it can be better for you.



0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  0  
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2021 07:05 pm
@sssdavidson,
1. You were wrong to lie about having orgasms when you weren't. I understand why this upset your husband.

2. It was good that you told him the truth. This is the first step in having better communication.

3. It sounds like you and your husband are both able to talk about your feelings.

This isn't a disaster. It is a part of learning to be a better couple and communicate better. Start where you are, talk through it, work through it and then enjoy a better sexual relationship when you are through.
0 Replies
 
 

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