You are right we are both married. And actually, we both have acknowledged that we aren't planning to run off together. We fit a need that the other has. I'm not interested in him being my guy.
Yes, it is very disrespectful to our spouses and I should end everything. I know that I should work on my relationship w/ hubby but I've tried and my husband doesn't acknowledge my concerns. He seems like he'd rather stay in denial. I got to a point where I was feeling very alone and then loverboy reentered my life the perfect (or imperfect) storm.
When loverboy got remarried he unfriended me at the request of his new wife. It was painful because we were close friends. And at the time we were truly only friends but there was an emotional need that he was meeting even then. Regardless, when we reconnected he apologized multiple times and I forgave him. This was 8 years later so the hurt passed but I still cared for him. When we reconnected I was only looking for the friendship back but he told me that for the past 8 years and before he had stronger feelings for me that he never revealed. He confided in my about his wife and said he told no one else except for a therapist that they went to 4x.
You are correct that I only have his word about his wife's affair. He could be lying and just looking for fake sympathy to justify him wanting me but I choose to believe him (but have questioned it).
I would not be ok with my husband having an affair. I don't want to hurt him and know that this would be excruciating. I think about this constantly.
Mostly loverboy and I are penpals that speak on zoom occasionally and have had sex on two separate occasions. I'm not justifying this relationship but I've known him for 15 years so it makes it more difficult to break especially because I just got him back. I know I should end it and am here and seeking therapy to do so but I get drawn back in so easily...like an addiction. It's possible that loverboy has someone in the city he's in but I'm doubtful of that. He's a father of two kids and his wife stays at home. Also, I'm not in this to "win" him. It's a fun friend-based relationship and we are a huge support to the other listening and encouraging but not necessarily having expectations to be together. So it's a unique affair. The sex has been like nothing I've ever experienced with any man. It's a tough one because morally I know it's wrong and can explode but it's filling a void. I know he's not the right way to fill the void and honestly, I'm not sure how because for the 8 years that we weren't connected I craved the friendship.