Am I unreasonable or is she crazy? Relationship help

Please, I need an outsider's opinion. I rarely ask for help, let alone turn to the Internet for relationship issues but I don't know where else I can turn to both preserve my anonymity and get a genuine answer.


My wife and I been together for the greater portion of a decade now. Both of us are in our early 30s. We got together early in college and never looked back. In the first few years everything was perfect, plently of love, affection, and the sex was both daily and amazing. However, that started to dwindle as time went on... especially the sex. I initially didn't mind because it was still well within what I considered what a loving couple should be having (I had been reading about countless other couple's relationships and we seemed to be on par with them).

Within the last 2 years we've have made significant changes to our lives. I recieved a promotion and took a job across the US. In order to make this happen we both spent a considerable amount of our savings, to the point of us not being able to afford the next month's rent if I wasn't paid on time. During this process she also had to quit her job as it wasn't readily available across country. However, in the first few months of me working we quickly recuperated as my new job really paid off and now we were doing very well. A new million dollar house, two brand new cars, new pets, all with plenty to spare, ect... (please understand this is not a flex I am just trying to provide you with my perspective).

Fast forwarding to now and getting to why I'm posting in the first place. Sex is virtually one sided, I always have to be the one to initiate it and when the rare occurrence does happen it's the same scenario every time. She always needs the lights off, she hates when I see her naked, she only likes one position and refuses to let me do anything to her that she previously greatly enjoyed. All that being said I began to get very frustrated and I shared with her how unhappy this was causing me to feel. When we discuss the situation she reverses the conversation and pins the causation on me citing things that she thinks I do not do for her. Per her, these include no longer being affectionate, no longer paying attention to her, and the worst of all... only being focused on sex! I work over 200 hours a month, my job is very rewarding but also very stressful and she stays at home. We've had discussions about this, each time I bring up how hard and how much I work she flips it and tells me that I don't appreciate or know how much she does around the house to "keep it running." According to her SHE'S the unappreciated one. Is it unreasonable for me to expect her to help me destress and reset after I come home or am I being an asshole for "expecting" this kind of treatment. She refers to this as being reciprocal, stating that I cannot go to work for "us" but then come home and expect to be "rewarded" for doing it. I admit I do partially feel that sort of way but am I wrong for it? I've suggested other things and ideas, one of which was that I wanted her to see a doctor to see if there was something we were missing. I kept reminding her and even offered to either let her go alone or be by her side during the visit but that was almost a year ago and she stilled hasn't found someone to talk to about this.

I don’t have an answer for this and I'm looking for any sort of advice, anecdote, or suggested direction. We've tried counseling and it hasn't changed anything. I just want to understand why or see things through her perspective or maybe other's point of view. We still love each other and sometimes we have great days together but nearly 100% of the time those are the days I either don't mention sex or scurry off to far corners of the house to masturbate so I have less of a sex drive throughout the day.

Sincerely,
Desperate for Advice