Thu 10 Jun, 2021 05:48 am
Ex and I dated for a year and we broke up almost 6 months ago. When he did, he expressed a lot of doubt and still does to this day. He cried too when we broke up. He was initiating a lot of contact recently, wanting to see me and clear the air but I declined. I ended up responding to one of his messages once and for all about 2 months later. He replied to what I said and then said it has 'been very difficult from his end. He felt it was the most appropriate thing was to break up, which has been really hard and he misses me all the time. But what's the alternative?
He then went on to say that it's really difficult but he tries to leave me alone as he doesn't quite know what to do as he doesn't want to mess with me. I replied and said I hope one day we can be on friendlier terms but I understand if we don’t keep in touch. 2 weeks later he texted me saying he would definitely like to know how I am/how life is but he’s conscious of not lingering around and making things more difficult and he hopes everything is good and I’m happier now. That he of course feels the same but it’s just the nature of break ups.
I responded, in a kind way that we should probably not keep in contact as I still like him.
He responded, apologised for how long it took him to get back to me and said he still likes me and cares about me but thinks probably not talking at the moment is the right thing. I responded and said that I didn’t want to seem sarcastic previously but wouldn’t the alternative be to work through our issues like an adult, I went onto say that we meshed well so maybe that’s why it’s been so hard and wished him well. He replied days later, apologising again. Said he would rather not get into this discussion over text and would much prefer in person, agreed that we meshed really well and we had a similar sense of humour. Said he hoped I had a good trip and then he hopes my university has been going well lately.
I said that maybe we can revisit it soon and talk in person and I felt the same regarding talking about this over text. We laughed about a few things like we used to and he then went onto ask when my exams are and a few other things.
So I reached out to him and told him that I don't see the benefit in catching up unless he wants to date me again as I get the indication that he still wants the break up. He said he understood etc, but completely never answered that part. Whether that's intentional or not. For example he could've said something like "yes, I still want the break up" but just says he understands. I said we should stop being in contact for real and for him to only contact me if he wants to be back together. He sort of turned it into a joke and asked about when I'm graduating. Was like 'can you please clarify this curiosity' and said he will abide by my wishes, I then stupidly kept the conversation going, he laughed at things I said and then we both said we might be going away somewhere around the same time to the same place, I said that I didn't want to make it awkward for him so wanted to check the dates he's going as he will be with his parents. He said it wouldn't be awkward with a tongue emoji etc and that his mum would demand I come over for dinner (sweet but I felt like he intentionally said that).
I wished him a happy birthday for this week, was slightly flirtatious and he responded well to it. I then asked the next day where his heart is in terms of us. He said he didn’t understand and thought I was referring to us going to that location and running into each other or something. I expressed to him that I found it a bit frustrating that he wouldn’t answer my question or give me any indication of the future. He said he was confused by the question and that I’m often unclear. I said I would speak to him the next day, I was also quite abrupt in my texts and he called me twice. I didn’t pick up and said I didn’t want to talk right now, he said ok and I didn’t respond. He messaged me the next day saying that he would leave me be as it seems that I keep getting upset that were still in contact but he just hates getting into anything substantial over text. I asked if he would like to speak at all, doesn’t have to be tonight and he asked if he would like me to call, I said yes. We had a really good chat, I said I don’t like to talk about anything substantial over text either and I wish we could just use text to organise catch ups. He said something along the lines of “Yes, but it doesn’t have to be for dates all the time” which I thought was interesting that he was referring to us (if we do catch up) as dates, semi positive I guess?, like he used to say, at the end he said it was really nice to hear my voice and that he’ll speak to me soon. I hate to say this but it felt like old times, giggling and laughing on the phone to each other. He told me that he rarely sees some of his old friends and just sticks to two that I know, said he wasn’t going to be doing anything for his birthday that week either. Both agreed we need to stop sending each other provoking, relationship-y messages over text too.
Block him. Don't tell him how long you're blocking him. Just do it. Set a reminder on your phone to reevaluate the block in 2 weeks and don't do this early. Give yourself some time out of this drama.
Let me ask you: Do you put sour milk back in the refrigerator in the hopes it will be good tomorrow?
Can I ask why, for 2 weeks specifically? If I'm going to be blocking him, wouldn't that be for indefinitely?
Like she said, to re-evaluate.
How you doing Chai2, haven't seen very much of you..
To reevaluate what exactly? I get the indication from her advice that she does not think this situation is good, am I right?
If you really want it all to be done, you wouldn't have questions. You would already be blocking him.
So, take a bit. Dollars to doughnuts, if you're really honest with yourself, you'll most likely find you're better off without him.
Why did you break up?
You need to see this guy in person and figure out what’s going on. Too much cat and mouse here and there you are trying to put things back together by text.
He sounds wishy-washy. Was he always so indecisive?
At the time, he said the reasons were possibly an age gap and how we handled conflict, but we were dealing with stressful medical exams. Then when we spoke a bit more recently, he just said that he was getting increasingly concerned about how the future was looking.
He is the same person he was the first time he was with you. I've never understood getting back together with someone. You are the same two people and it won't be any better. Besides, I don't think this person knows what he wants going by what you said.