Sat 20 Feb, 2021 07:13 pm
So my GF and I have been together almost a year and a half. Recently I noticed a decline is our sexual activity. From multiple times a week to about once a month. I brought this up just expressing it makes me feel unwanted or undesired.
She explained she's usually tired and upset about things going on at work. Meanwhile I usually work double the hours a day as her (12-19), and I still have desire. With that she explained her ex used to essentially force her to have sex. So she was feeling that vibe from me.
I was simply expressing my feelings so this sort of hurt. I've never forced or ragged on her for sexual attention. If need be I can "fend for myself", persay. So it's not the end of the world, I just noticed and felt the change. This is turn made me wonder why.
So that conversation wouldn't really go much farther. She was crying explaining what her ex did. Okay; there's nothing I can do to change that. I simply expressed to her that I would never force her and simply wanted to know if there was anything going on.
Some time later I brought up oral sex with her. She has been on the receiving end since we got together and thoroughly enjoys it. I too enjoy it but have in the past; I've never received it from her.
Out of curiosity I asked her if she'd consider it. She told me "No. I don't do that anymore for a reason." So I inquired about why exactly that was not knowing what it might be. She informed me her ex (same as before), always wanted it and once forced it "on" her.
I responded explaining once again I would never force her or do such a thing. She said she realizes that but she doesn't do it anymore evern though she used to in the past.
Overall these two situations have made me feel very sad, disappointed and as if I'm being "compared" to her ex.
I'm not sure what to say or do because I'm very disappointed in this. I don't like the feeling of losing out on something I enjoy and believe would heighten this area of our relationship. The loss because of someone else's actions that have zero tie to me seems...dare I say..unfair?
I may be off base. Any input would be appreciated.
She needs therapy. There are clearly unresolved issues there.
You are relatively young in your relationship and have not made commitments. It would be wise not to get any more serious until these issues are resolved. Being a woman who was sexually abused before, I can tell you that showing patience and love goes a long way. Backing off is good when she ask because it shows respect for her feelings. If you can satisfy yourself, do so. If you want another lover, there is no reason not to do so. But, for this girl, she needs you to respect her feelings and to show her that you care if you indeed do. If she is worth the wait, then do so.
You replied to Jespah. If that was intentional, you are making a couple of very big assumptions.