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help again please, I really don't know how to live on

 
 
Wed 17 Feb, 2021 03:13 pm
Good evening everyone. A few months ago I created a theme here, though I put professional photos. For the last 5 years I have been suffering from orphan pathology, which directly affects my appearance, like acromegaly, but this is not exactly it, a rare genetic syndrome. But in this case, I'm not on a medical forum. The problem is in recent years precisely in social terms and in personal life, I also note that for the last 2 years I have been studying psychology, I have gone deep in many things, I know some topics completely, and analyzing all this happening, I understand that the problem is in my appearance, that this happens (negative assessment and perception, subconsciously) at the stage when a person, apart from seeing me, knows nothing more about me. I had to change already in 2.5 years - 4 teams, soon there will be a fifth, before that everything was fine, both in personal and in social and collective life, in personal life too, everything is missing, while I note that my personal qualities and communicative, I will now have them more than 5 years ago, when everything was still good, in all respects. Also, for this long time, I excluded all other points that could have been. it is clear that against the background of all this I cannot be constantly joyful, for very often I am depressed inside because of this. I tried to change clothes, I go constantly shaved, I use only expensive perfumes, I also tried different manner of communication, the result is the same. Unfortunately, I live in Ukraine, I don’t know about you, but her lookism is very strong.

What do you see? It is clear that the photo will not convey reality, but nevertheless.

How to be and how to get out of this situation?
Plastic surgery for me (bone and structural) is not realistic, because it is a lot of money, secondly, with my disease, changes constantly occur, so there is no expediency

I have bypassed almost all psychologists in my city, there is no result. I also learned the sad fact that people will never tell a person directly for their appearance (perhaps only in very rare cases) because the human brain is arranged this way, not to offend others, and it’s not ethical, but by attitude and perception and other signs this is will appear, read Lookism.



https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1-m7q5-EqdQOzLs7sUYnlvAxsTLNpOTcw?usp=sharing
 
chai2
 
  1  
Wed 17 Feb, 2021 03:49 pm
@kuzmenkoss90,
My response would be the same as last time. You look fine.

Your response back to me was something like "But everything is going well for everyone else"

Your looks aren't what is making things difficult for you. You look like a normal person, attractive even.

0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Thu 18 Feb, 2021 12:19 pm
@kuzmenkoss90,
Yeah, that’s the problem. You (and the rest of the world) are too concerned with 'looks'.
I’m try’n to get over it too.
0 Replies
 
hightor
 
  1  
Thu 18 Feb, 2021 12:48 pm
@kuzmenkoss90,
This story by Ted Chiang, largely a bunch of interviews, involves students at a college who choose to deactivate that portion of the brain that serves as a foundation for "lookism" through a procedure called calliagnosia which eliminates one’s ability to perceive physical beauty.

Liking What You See: A Documentary


Leadfoot
 
  1  
Thu 18 Feb, 2021 04:37 pm
@hightor,
Hey!, good news. We’ve already got that 'spex version of Visage'. They call it Facebook.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  1  
Thu 18 Feb, 2021 05:23 pm
@hightor,
hightor wrote:

This story by Ted Chiang, largely a bunch of interviews, involves students at a college who choose to deactivate that portion of the brain that serves as a foundation for "lookism" through a procedure called calliagnosia which eliminates one’s ability to perceive physical beauty.

Liking What You See: A Documentary


Is this for real? I read much of the link, but I can't help wondering. Do you know what the procedure involves? Anyway, I'll pass. I kind of enjoy physical beauty.
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Thu 18 Feb, 2021 05:27 pm
@roger,
Plus, ultimately, it wouldn’t work. We gotta work on All the senses. Think I might be falling for Alexa.
Not to mention that sexy beast Sabine Hostenfelder. Oh, that accent!
0 Replies
 
Missingit
 
  0  
Mon 22 Feb, 2021 06:25 am
@kuzmenkoss90,
My heart goes out to you. You could consider financing facial surgery or getting a care credit card ...if plastic surgery would help your self image. Counseling might help your self image too. I'm not sure, but not having a good self image no matter what you look like is painful.
kuzmenkoss90
 
  1  
Mon 22 Feb, 2021 11:26 pm
@Missingit,
and in your opinion, what is in need first of all, and what exactly is bad?
Leadfoot
 
  2  
Tue 23 Feb, 2021 06:04 am
@kuzmenkoss90,
It’s the thing we can never hear from anyone but ourselves - It’s your attitude.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  3  
Wed 24 Feb, 2021 06:59 am
@kuzmenkoss90,
kuzmenkoss90 wrote:
I have bypassed almost all psychologists in my city, there is no result. I also learned the sad fact that people will never tell a person directly for their appearance (perhaps only in very rare cases) because the human brain is arranged this way, not to offend others,


That is your problem in a nutshell. You have already decided the problem you have forming relationships is down to your appearance and nothing else so you reinterpret everything people say to fit that narrative.

There is nothing wrong with how you look, you look normal, like most people. That doesn’t mean everyone will find you attractive because people have their own preferences but there should be plenty who do.

If you’re not succeeding in forming relationships there is another reason , and I suspect it’s to do with you being quite needy. Needy people on A2K follow a pattern, they ask a question and when they don’t get the answer they want, they start another thread with the question reworded slightly. Some even go as far as opening a new account.

You don’t need plastic surgery, you need counselling so you can find out why you have such low self esteem.
0 Replies
 
 

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