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What is he really saying , or has he been saying it the whole time?

 
 
SDV21
 
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2021 12:14 pm
Before I get to my questions heres some backgroind info on both of us. I am newly separated about 8 months with one kid. He is divorced about a year with 2 kids. We started talking and if you want to call it dating about 4 months ago. He was very attentive and initiated all convos. He made time even if it was an ht to stop and bring me lunch and we hung out twice for a few hours. Seeing as he has his kids every other weekend. He did everything you would want a man whonis pursuing you do.
He did give me some background info about himself his wife cheated and thats why they separated and then eventually divorced this started in 2018 divorce finalized last year. He mentioned he dated and had maybe 2 actual GFs in that time. One of thos GFs wanted to move in and have a real commitment. He told her he wasnt ready and she broke things off ... but really didnt because they have remained friends.
Now circle back to my situation he started to pull back in early Jan 2021 , he still continued to text regularly and call but the hanging out seemed to just not be in the books. Yes I know all red flags!!! He explained how he had a problem with doing this he stops making the effort to hang out and pushes back , says his therapist tells him he does this cause he is not ready for any commitments, even committing to just hang out gives him anxiety. WHY DATE THEN?
I proceed to tell him ok then maybe this shouldnt continue and gave him plenty of outs. But he says give him time and that he is still interested , blah blah. Ok i give it some time and it is just something that i cant stay quiet about much longer. So i bring it up one last time and this time he gives me the i am interested in you bit and he still talks to the ex ( im not even mad about cause we arent exclusive) and she asked him if they could try again and i said do what you have to do and he proceeds to say he honestly wants to remain friends but feels he should give it another go with his ex. But then later in the conversation says he should just be alone. He owns up to the fact he has no idea what he wants and he feels terrible because he put me in a position of confusion. Also something to note i have never talked about what i expect to happen in the future, i cant think that far, im just trying to date to see if we actually like each other or like being around each other aside from behind our phones what i call our textationship. And i have made this 100% clear to him.
This may have been a bad move on my part but i feel empathetic towards him ... this is a whooooole new concept for me. If this was me about 10 years ago i wouldve left and never looked back. I asked him what is it that he needs from me , space? What are your boundries? Totally casting aside my feelings again not like me. He then tells me not to text everyday , just to try it out? Ooook i guess if thats what you want.
This took place about 6 days ago , i havent initiated any convos and neither has he. I know i am making myself an option while he figures out what he wants or doesnt want.
IF ANY GUYS OUT THERE WANT TO CHIME IN ON THIS I WOULD LOVE YOUR OUTLOOK!
I get how this whole situation looks , im not completely oblivious. Lol! I just happened to genuinley like this guy when i wasnt trying too or looking, just was getting back out in the dating scene.
One little sucky sidenote the week before i got friendzone i had purchased him a valentines day gift i was going to suprise him with , i cannot just give this to someone else because it is personalized with his name and pictures. This is also something not in the norm for me because i loathe valentines day and with out really thinking i just wanted to do something for him.
I already know what i should do but would like to hear anyone elses thoughts, because my friends are biased.
 
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2021 02:21 pm
@SDV21,
All of this is irrelevant besides the fact you 2 aren’t exclusive, you don’t want it to be, and you’re ok with him seeing his ex and or choosing to be with her again

Don’t know why you’re wondering about all of this when you’re not looking for a one on one anyway. Don’t make drama where there isn’t any.

I’m a woman btw
SDV21
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2021 02:46 pm
@chai2,
Thanks for the reply. Im not quite sure how its irrelevant?
I never said i didnt want one on one , he hasnt put the effort to hang out.
I said i wasnt upset that he still talks to his ex gf because we arent exclusive and im not the type to tell someone what to do or who they can or cant talk too, especially if we are still early in the dating phase.
I havent made any drama ive actually been super patient with him trying to figure his **** out🤷🏻‍♀️
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