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Helicopter Parents never told me anything now I am confused about what I am.

 
 
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2020 06:03 pm
I am very sorry and apologise profusely for any assumptions of mistakes I make in this questions.

So first and for most I have to clarify that I love my parents and I respect them. So my parents are helicopter parents, they know my YouTube history, search history, who my friends are pretty much everything except one thing. My kindle fire which is what I am using to post on here. To give you some background on this I had no idea lgbtq even existed. I only found out when I saw the movement for gay marriage in my country on the news. Then I got a three hour long conversation with my parents about it. Then for a couple years I didn't really think about it, I though lgbtq people where really rare and I probably wouldn't meet one. Then I moved schools and I made some friends, my friend group where discussing sexuality one day and I realized there was so much I didn't know. Strange words where thrown around such as queer, Pansexual, Lesbian, Asexual ext. I had no idea what these words meant and I so I asked them. They where also confused and when I explained about my parents they explained stuff as best as they could but it was difficult. I had made some big assumptions. For one I thought only gay people where a thing and a female couldn't love a female. My mind was completely blown when I found out lesbians where a thing. In particular I talked a lot with two particular girls. One was Pansexual and the other was bi? I am still not completely sure what either of those words mean. Like the girl who is bi says I can uses feminine and they them pronouns and now I am incredibly confused. She has a girl's name but she doesn't really look like a girl like her hairstyle is really short which wouldn't mean anything by itself but she also acts sometimes like a girl and sometimes like a boy. I'm so confused. Well anyway we where discussing and they said that what I was describing about myself was similar to an Asexual person. They said that that means that you don't want to be in a relationship with anyone. I though that at least sort of made sense. They said I could identify as questioning for now as I wasn't sure. So a couple months later I discovered a fetishes that I liked. I wasn't going attention it here but I decided to as it might make a difference. Well... I'm into ABDL. Particularly the diaper part. I'm not sure why, and I have never tried a diaper on mostly because I live with my parents and I don't know how I would keep that a secret. I just find the idea comforting and safe, I have used a pillow to do something which I am not sure but I think it might have been an orgasm? It didn't really do much and I pretty much gave up on that endeavour but I still do it occasionally. Can you be Asexual and still have a fetish? I don't feel like I want to be in a relationship with anyone. In the past I have had crushes on two boys. But looking back I think both sides of the relationship where pressured by our friends into it and neither party was really into it. I'm just really confused. My parents, and I quote have said "if you ever come out as lesbian we will still support you." That sounds great, then less then a mouth later we where having dinner and started ranting about how "this lgtbqzui or whatever people don't really have a different sexuality they are just faking it so they can feel different." I feel like I am getting different messages. And they constantly go on about how they can't wait to have grandkids. (I should mention that I have a younger brother, he is convinced he will live at home playing video games for the rest of his live and never get a girlfriend. Not sure what to make of him) I feel like if I come out as Asexual (if that is even what I am) then I might be denying them the chance to have grandkids. I'm so confused. Ok one other thing, not sure if its relevant but through my exploration of the internet I have accidentally seen both a man's parts and a female's parts. Neither was interesting to me in anyway and I actually found it pretty disgusting. Does this mean anything?

Also do I have to label this as NSFW? I'm not really sure how, do I put it in the keywords?
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2020 07:50 pm
@IDontKnowWhoIAm,
The mods took care of NSFW. No worries there.

A few points.
  • Your parents will get over it if they never have grandkids. Seriously. Don't change such a fundamental part of yourself to please them. It's unfair to you, any kids you have, and anyone you have them with,
  • There are all sorts of flavors of asexual, so it wouldn't shock me one bit if you could be ace and have a fetish. Why not? No one's going to rat you out to some nonexistent fetish police or anything.
  • Whatever your parents did or didn't do for you, at some point, the Statute of Limitations runs on blaming them for stuff. Are you over 18? Do you know how to do an incognito search? Can you use Google and YouTube? Then you can find the answers to the things they didn't tell you about. You don't need them to tell you. You can (and should) help yourself in this area.
  • Short hair doesn't automatically equal ace. Long hair doesn't automatically not equal ace. There's no uniform.
  • What your folks say about hypothetical people might be concerning, but the main thing you need to think about is how they treat you. If they would mistreat you, or if you would be in danger coming out to them, then act accordingly. But they aren't the first parents in the history of everything who thought one thing for one set of people but the opposite when it was their kid. They're not perfectly fair or reasonable all the time. Just like everyone else.
  • Lots of people's genitals look weird, BTW.
IDontKnowWhoIAm
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Dec, 2020 12:40 am
@jespah,
@jespah
I still am not completely sure whether I am asexual or not and I was wondering if coming out as Questioning is a thing? Like should I tell me parents that I am questioning my sexuality? Also sorry if this is a stupid question but I have heard other people mention incognito searches and I didn't know what it was so a while ago I asked my dad what a incognito search was and his response "something you aren't aloud to do." What does that even mean?
0 Replies
 
IDontKnowWhoIAm
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Dec, 2020 04:15 am
@jespah,
Oh I am so sorry, I'm not sure why it did that! I have bad internet so I had to refresh it to get it to work and then this happened and I am so sorry.
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Thu 17 Dec, 2020 06:11 am
@IDontKnowWhoIAm,
It's not a problem. It's taken care of.

Your dad doesn't know what he's talking about.

An incognito search is when you browse without identifying information. My company does them constantly, so we can see how ads are performing online and what those ads look like to people outside the company.

If you have the Chrome browser, go to the upper right corner and IIRC you right click on horizontal lines. I am on my phone so I am unsure. Same with other browsers.

You can Google how to do an incognito search, and then erase your browser history if for some reason you don't want your folks to know that you did that.

At some point, you need to assert a right to privacy. Yes, even if you live with them and they pay 100% of the bills. After all, you close the door when you go to the bathroom, right? Same principle.

You're allowed to spend time on your own without them hovering, full stop.
IDontKnowWhoIAm
 
  2  
Reply Sat 19 Dec, 2020 05:43 am
@jespah,
Ok thank you! I will try that from now on.
0 Replies
 
 

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