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Questioning my Sexuality and Gender

 
 
Reply Tue 27 Apr, 2021 06:09 am
Hello. So I have. A lot of questions. I grew up in a relatively conservative Catholic household with my parents and younger brother. Now I want to make clear that I love my parents and I respect their decisions when raising me. I didn't know anything about Lgbtq until their was a gay marriage movement in our country and I saw it on the news. This was a complete shock to me as I had no idea that existed. My parents explained that being gay was when two men loved each other like a woman and a man do. I understood that and continued on with my life. I was under the assumption that gay people where very rare and I was probably never going to meet one. Then I moved and changed schools. My new friend group was filled with people different then anyone I had ever met. Strange words where thrown around like lesbian, queer, pansexual, Trans. I was very confused and asked then some questions. Over a period of time I have found out a lot of things from my friends but now that its openly discussed in my home I have discovered that I don't think my parents are the biggest fan of it. They constantly shared their opinions about how "they are all just faking it and looking for attention." So I was very confused. My friends (who many of them are Lgbtqa) didn't seem to be seeking attention or faking it? I didn't say anything to either party. After many discussions with my friends we came to the conclusion that I am probably Asexual. I did a lot of research and I also think that to be the case. I don't find either gender sexually attractive in anyway and I mostly just find the idea of sex and sexual activity boring and gross. But I have also discovered that I seem to have a ABDL fetish. Is it possible to be Asexual and still have a fetish? Like its really weird I know and I have no idea why I am like this. Eventually I sat down with my parents and told them I was asexual. They accepted it and asked a few questions. My mum was pretty much immediately trying to 'prove' why I wasn't. Like the fact that I have never had sex, so 'i just don't know what its like'. I felt a bit put down but ignored them. They seem to have completely ignored the fact that I came out to them as asexual as they still ask me occasionally stuff like 'when are you going to get a boyfriend.' And 'i can't wait for you tk have kids so we can be grandparents.' Its pretty disheartening. Now I have begun to do a bit more research and I think I might be nonbinary. I have always not been your average girl. Like I hate girly things and I always preferred boys clothes and boys toys when I was younger. Now I am beginning to realize just how different I act compared to the girls at school. I hang out with some other nonbinary people at school, because I just feel like I connect with them more. My parents have been getting more and more mean towards transgender people whenever they come up in conversation and I am worried how they will react if I come out as nonbinary to them. I am also worried about my brother as he has started to copy them and have the same thoughts and beliefs about lgbtq people as well. Any advice?
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izzythepush
 
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Reply Tue 27 Apr, 2021 06:29 am
@IDontKnowWhoIAm,
Your sexuality and your gender are two separate things.

Your gender is how you present yourself, either as male, female or non binary. Non binary people do not see themselves as male or female but as a mixture of both or somewhere outside of the gender binary altogether. Some genderfluid people even have male and female days, and often use pronouns they/them.

That’s a general term, people are individuals, there are no hard and fast rules, it’s whatever you feel comfortable with.

Sexuality is who you feel attracted to. Some asexual people don’t like sex and don’t want it, but others don’t mind doing it if they are with someone they care about. Many asexuals have romantic attachments with others.

There are no hard and fast rules and it’s quite possible to be asexual yet have a particular fetish. A lot of S&M stuff results in catharsis not orgasm.

Don’t let anybody else tell you what you are.
IDontKnowWhoIAm
 
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Reply Tue 27 Apr, 2021 05:00 pm
@izzythepush,
What would your advice be for how to come out to a relatively conservative Catholic family about being nonbinary? I'm not really sure how to approach them about it.
izzythepush
 
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Reply Wed 28 Apr, 2021 12:38 am
@IDontKnowWhoIAm,
I wouldn’t know I’m a cis Male with a transgender son. My dad is religious so I’ve not told him, it’s not like we see him much anyway.

There are various self help groups. In the UK, where I am, there’s an organisation called the gay switchboard that people can call to get help. There should be something similar where you are.
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