Yes, what you are describing is "kink". There is a whole community of "kink". If this post is serious and you are interested in exploring this, you should definitely get in touch with your local kink group.
The kink community in general is supportive and responsible, they promote healthy communication and consent in sexual encounters. There is a supportive group of people who will accept and support and probably you can find partners to share these fantasies with.
I recommend "The Bottoming Book" (or its partner "the Topping Book" if you are so inclined, but what you are describing is bottom behavior) as a well written and pretty decent introduction.