Mon 23 Nov, 2020 03:34 am
Because numbers keep going up for the second time in a year, and Pennsylvania is already considering lockdown measures again, I feel like my home state of Maryland is going to be next.
So my question is, how many of you lonely spinsters over 30 years old who live alone (or live with their parents like me, my parents will never let me have alcohol in their house, and they also hate sparkling cider because of my dad's diabetes), are going to be spending New Year's Eve alone, with no friends at all, because your friends have turned against you or moved to another state, and your boyfriend or partner is in another county?
My boyfriend is going to move again, he's selling his house, and he's moving with his mother to Havre De Grace, which is on the other side of town in Harford County. I have absolutely nothing here and no one here but my abusive parents, my dad included, even though my dad is in a wheelchair, he can hit me pretty good when he's angry, and my parents threatened to kick me out before, from my teenage years, to a few months ago, and I'm 32, never been married, no kids but I do want kids very soon, wants marriage, and wants to be independent more than anything- but the problem is, I don't know what my dream job is and the only jobs that are out there for someone like me are jobs I hate- I majored in journalism in college and graduated in it, but I hate reporting because I hate Donald Trump, he's a bastard who needs to be in jail. (Why I voted for Biden too, and I feel great that we have a woman as Vice President, that's even cooler.)
Bottom line: I was never given the chance to be an adult.
My boyfriend and I have been planning for New Year's for months. He was going to take me to a romantic dinner at the Melting Pot in making a reservation weeks in advance, WITH social distancing included in our date, and we'd go back to his place to count down until midnight, share a glass of champagne for a toast, and have a New Year's kiss, which we've been hoping to do all year.
But with him moving, and the possibility that I'm going to be under house arrest from a second quarantine in Baltimore and the rest of Maryland, and all the restaurants are going to shut down by Christmas, in which the holidays are canceled FOREVER, because I feel like all human life is going to go extinct from the deadly super virus no matter what anybody does because a lot of people hate medicines and hate doctors (but I digress- doctors are our FRIENDS)... Alexander and I will be forced to spend New Year's alone, and have a stupid web cam kiss that's so disgusting and ridiculous, because it reminds me of how dirty and stupid I feel about going online to a dating site and registering- he's the love of my life, and unfortunately, I'm tasked with telling the story to my future kids that "mommy and daddy met on an online dating site! And you can pick your match for free!" and I'd end up sounding like a commercial, like the Liberty Mutual ad that makes me want to shoot myself because the "Liberty" jingle is murder.
We always have online web cam kisses every night when we sign off on our Facebook video calls. New Year's is much more special. We can't just kiss our computer screens to wish each other a happy new year to hope that things will be better in 2021 and somebody will murder the evil disease that keeps everyone apart from people they love. We've already kissed before, in fact, we didn't kiss until the fourth date. I usually kissed all of my ex boyfriends on the first date, or second date, and sometimes the guys I dated were too scared that they didn't kiss me at all and they broke up with me because they just didn't feel a 'spark'. This time, because of COVID, I didn't kiss Alexander until the FOURTH date, because I was against hand holding, against hugging, and totally against all forms of touch because of my dad's severe condition. The fourth date was when Alexander persuaded me, and it was after my dad tested negative for COVID at the same time he found out he was one year cancer free, and one of my best friend's songs "Drive" by Incubis came on the radio in our favorite cafe-bakery, and I could hear her voice telling me in the lyrics, "If you wait forever to kiss him, you'll regret it ten times more. Don't let the fear control you. Hold the wheel in drive." So for the first time in longer than a year, I got my first hug from someone who wasn't my mother, and that was when we kissed, and it was magical, felt like lightning.
Alexander and I made a bet with each other that if things don't get better in 2021 or 2022 at the latest and the human race is still dying from COVID19, or if all humans are extinct in 10 years or so from Corona Virus, he has to pay me $10. If I'm wrong, and Alexander proves to me that things will indeed get better by 2021 in May at the earliest, he's going to drag me kicking and screaming to my first ever Broadway show, the Broadway musical I "used to" hate because Lin-Manuel Miranda killed every chance Sara Bareilles had of winning a Tony or a Grammy for Waitress or any of her records, the musical that made him a worldwide star as the "rapper-gymnast" (according to the Hulu Freestyle Love Supreme documentary I just finished- by the way, I actually loved that one, those guys are amazing, I love FLS) by taking hip hop and rap music and putting it with American history (I still don't understand it, and "Yorktown" still sounds like nails on a chalkboard, I hate that song): HAMILTON. Seems silly, but I have a bad feeling that me being Irish and stubborn and all Miss Irish Girl Doom and Gloom Wuss, I'm going to LOSE.
That said, and I know I rambled way too much... Anybody celebrating New Year's with NOBODY, and your partner or boyfriend/girlfriend, or spouse is not living with you, and you have to do a video party for you and your lover in different houses with Zoom calls or Facetime?
Also, because I'm not allowed to have any alcohol or fizzy drinks in my (I don't live in a house anymore, my house got sold too and I now live in a shitty apartment and there's a mouse in my room now), apartment bedroom-
Anybody have any ideas of how I can make New Year's Eve 2021 pleasant?
Also, my parents don't celebrate New Year's anymore, they're always going to bed early, and my mom thinks New Year's is the worst holiday ever because people get drunk, which is why my mom hates alcohol. (My grandfather was an alcoholic, a very mean drunk, when my mom was a child, so my mom is no stranger to child abuse.) Just keep that in mind. I'm not allowed to have any alcohol in the house and no sparkling cider except for the Pepsi we have in the house, and I really hate dark colored sodas. I have New Year's decorations, but really no place to put them now because Maryland might be expecting a lockdown and my bedroom is TINY. I'm still sleeping in the exact same bed I had when I was 9, it's a twin, and I can't replace it because if I buy a bigger bed, it won't fit in my current bedroom, period. My bedroom is smaller than a college dorm, and there's a little vermin creature running around now too.
And because most of my friends turned against me, my best friend (the one who likes Incubis that I mentioned before, she's a Goth chick) has already moved to Oregon with her sister, my boyfriend is moving further away to Havre De Grace (but he SWEARS he will make our relationship work no matter what, and I'm putting all my faith in him, he's the best thing to ever happen to me this year), and my only friends are married and have children of their own or they just don't have the space for me to crash at their place either- What do I have to look forward to in 2021 anyway? I basically have no friends, and because my parents are turning toxic here, I already think I'm an orphan. Most of my grandparents are dead too, and my only living grandma is a MAGA-loving, Trump worshipping, doctor-hating, homophobic and racist, anti-abortion, "everybody must love me because I'm a saint and I have GOD" narcissist evil witch with a voice like a helium tank. (Really, my grandma is an ugly person if you've ever met her.) All I have are my belongings, even all my cousins live all over the place and I hardly see them anymore. Oh, and did I mention, I'm an only child? I have absolutely no brothers or sisters, and my parents forbid me from getting to know my neighbors, they won't let me near any of the neighbors in this apartment and rental townhouse community.
You have a roof over your head, presumably enough to eat, and your boyfriend is a saint.
Alexander and I made a bet with each other that........if all humans are extinct in 10 years or so from Corona Virus, he has to pay me $10.
This is my favorite part.
Yes, you're right, god help me. Even though Alexander and I have known each other only 7 months, I feel like I should marry him right now. But not for a couple years, though.
You know what? That bet does sound stupid, doesn't it? You're absolutely right. That part the way I wrote it was dumb.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose and force myself to sit through three hours of rapping "Just you wait" and "wait for it, wait for it". Rrrrr.