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I feel lost at home

 
 
Reply Tue 22 Sep, 2020 11:44 pm
I am in the military and I haven't been able to go back to my hometown in a long time. I finally got a chance to come back but I felt like I was standing in the middle of a random field. I don't feel like I have any reason being here. I lived my whole life here but I feel nothing and nothing looks like home to me. I feel like a wanderer. When I'm here I only remember unpleasant things. Until I saw her, when I look into her eyes thats all I see is her beautiful soul blinded out the rest of the town. I wanted to tell her on the spot to run away with me I have to force myself not to say it anytime I'm with her. It feel wrong, like I'm using her to run away from my problems but I don't know what else to do. I am only at peace when looking at her but as soon as I look away I'm back in this unfamiliar field and I'm just lost again. I don't want here to go away but it doesn't feel like I'm being fair to her. I wanna be selfish and take her with me and never look back but I know once I start running I won't ever stop. My family is here and I love them too but I don't get that feeling with them. I don't feel safe. Every day is getting less and less in my control. Every day I feel less like me and more like a plastic bag blowing down the street. I wanna leave this town as soon as I can but if I am scared to leave if she is not with me. I don't know what to do anymore.
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Wed 23 Sep, 2020 06:38 am
@MikeyMacklemise,
You're in your 20s, yes?

This is a time of pretty much everyone's life where they want to break away. You're not the first person ever in the history of ever to feel lost when you returned to what was once home, particularly after at least a few months away. Talk to some college freshmen over their first December break and you'll hear the same things you're saying.

Why can't you tell this woman that you like her? And I mean like - you open with like, not with let's run away together. You don't go from 0 to 60 in relationship building, because inevitably someone gets left behind (yes, there are exceptions. They are few and far between, far, far fewer than the movies would have us believe).

If this woman is dating someone else but neither engaged nor married then feel free to tell her you like her. If she is free, then of course tell her!

And if she's engaged, etc., then there's no reason you can't have a conversation or two with her. You know, like you would with anyone. You may find your dream woman picks her teeth or something or other that crashes her back down to reality with the rest of us mortals.

And as for the rest of it, save your $ and go elsewhere, just like countless people have done before and will do after you and I are dust. It's 2020, not 1120. You were born in Poughkeepsie (or wherever). There is no reason whatsoever for you to live and die there, too.

Go and experience the world.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  3  
Reply Wed 23 Sep, 2020 08:08 am
@MikeyMacklemise,
Hi Mikey, my son was in the army. He did a tour in Afghanistan. I am very proud of my son and his service. I also understand the emotional demands that come with serving in the military. It is a difficult thing to have such an intense experience in your military life... that the rest of is can't really understand... and then have to continue with normal civilian relationships.

I want to strongly suggest that you get some help with these emotions. Help is available in the service... and it is completely normal to seek out help and emotional support from a therapist.

The phrases you are using suggest that you are experiencing pretty deep depression. It sounds painful. Getting emotional support from a therapist will first help you deal with the emotions so they won't be so strong. Second, help you to think clearly to make good decisions especially when dealing with important relationships.

Dealing with emotions with support from a therapist will help you have a better relationship and to make better choices about your future.

I hope things get better for you.
0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Sun 4 Oct, 2020 10:31 am
As a Vet I can tell you that VA is the best resource for returning vets possible. They helped me and they helped my son who did his four years mostly in Iraq PLUS 11 extra months in Iraq of "stop loss". It made a world of difference.

Good luck and keep posting. There are some outstanding people here with empathy you can't imagine.
0 Replies
 
 

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