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i need help

 
 
Reply Sun 30 Aug, 2020 02:30 am
i really need help , i broke up with my gf 4weeks ago ( we're both 17 yo ) the reason why i broke up with her , is that i need to focus on study , but i would like to get back with her one day , i really love her , also , we can't meet , cuz her father won't let her go out , and he takes her phone so we talk only 2 times a day on MESSENGER chatting , and we're not at the same school
so there's no way i can meet her , only if her father's working
but now i break up with her , but i really love her , also she does , but is it a good choice to broke up with her for study ?
 
glitterbag
 
  -3  
Reply Sun 30 Aug, 2020 02:35 am
@youssfix1,
yes
youssfix1
 
  1  
Reply Sun 30 Aug, 2020 02:54 am
@glitterbag,
could you please say for what " yes "
glitterbag
 
  -3  
Reply Sun 30 Aug, 2020 03:02 am
@youssfix1,
You asked "but is it a good choice to broke up with her for study ?"...I say yes to that,
Teufel
 
  0  
Reply Sun 30 Aug, 2020 05:43 am
@glitterbag,
What glitterbag actually means, though they seem unable to express themselves properly, is because then you can concentrate on study. As in the world of middle class aspiring plebeian people, that is a good thing.

You are 17 year old, going on 12 year old it appears. I blame the parents.

Now don't be fooled we are an intellectual/academic family, my wife and our two adult children are all PhD's. However we also have a life and our son went and fought combat tours in a war at 19/21 yr old before he went to university. Because education is of no use without life experience, the wider and more varied the better.

When my wife gained her PhD the university instantly offered her a well paid job as part of a research team ... In other words a glorified administration assistant. She asked me should she take it? No. Open your own business, a consultancy. Another person who gained their PhD at the same time took the job and all these years on is now asst team leader. Wow.

My wife runs her consultancy, which advices the establishment figures in many countries, politico's, companies and governments .... No matter ones level of education 'the job' is usually a bad move ... BUT you have to have life experience. It would seem your parents and her father are not so keen on that.

Next, you have a strange view of 'love'. If you actually loved the girl then wild horses would not stop you from being with her ... So you're at best infatuated but most probably missing the sex.

Take some advice:

1) Make your own choices ... Not what anyone else wants; what you want.
2) Always make the hard decision, because it is the correct one invariably
3) Only life's losers seek immediate gratification
4) Be a person of your word ... if you say it then mean it ... Always do precisely what you said you would do, when you said you would do it.
5) Accept NO excuses from yourself. There is no excuse no matter what.

If you actually want this girl in your life, rather than you being merely tired of wanking off ... Then go and see her father: explain who you are, the respect you have for his daughter and him.. Tell him you want to be with her.

Be an adult, not a child.

chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sun 30 Aug, 2020 07:34 am
@youssfix1,
How old is she and what’s the reason her father doesn’t want her seeing you, or you in particular? Have you even met him?

You may find your answers right there.
bobsal u1553115
 
  -1  
Reply Sun 30 Aug, 2020 07:36 am
You need to pull up whatever it is one needs to pulls up and develop an interest in another likely suspect or two.

Poking through the ashes will do no good. Getting over it means getting past it first.
0 Replies
 
youssfix1
 
  1  
Reply Sun 30 Aug, 2020 08:07 am
@Teufel,
thank you so much , i know that job is something my parents make it so important , i would like to live my life , because i have only one life , maybe i'm gonna die tomorrow or maybe next year , who knows , but what i'm sure about is that i know to spend my whole life with this girl but i can't talk to her father , because i'm too young , and her family is so conservative and muslim , but i will try my best , thank you so much
0 Replies
 
youssfix1
 
  1  
Reply Sun 30 Aug, 2020 08:12 am
@chai2,
she's 17 yo like me , no her father is a muslim and won't let his daughter go out with a guy , they're a conservative family
i never met him
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Sun 30 Aug, 2020 09:46 am
@youssfix1,
What country are you in?

Is her father planning on arranging a marriage for her?

Wouldn't you want to be in the running as one of the possibilities? Or, maybe you don't. Perhaps you don't see her in light of a potential life mate.

If you want to get to her, why aren't you going through the logical next step of introducing yourself formally to her father, showing your respect to him, ask him what would sway him towards letting you interact with his precious jewel?

His job is to keep riff raff away from her, and sneaking around behind his back is definately putting you in that catagory with him. Make yourself respectful and honorable with him.

Fathers can tend to be overprotective with their daughters, mostly because they know what boys/men are like.

Prove to him you aren't like the others.

Or are you?

Would you be prepared to see her if it meant only being with her in the presence of her family?

If you're not ready to do any of the things I mentioned, and more, then maybe you're not ready for any relationship.

Also, ah, the age old problem of "I could die tomorrow"
The odds are overwhelmingly in favor that you won't. So cut that bull right now.
Also, if you did die tomorrow, you wouldn't know it, so won't miss a thing.

BillRM
 
  -1  
Reply Sun 30 Aug, 2020 05:32 pm
@youssfix1,
Comment I am addressing only the communication problem picked up a cheap phone for 40 dollars or less add a few hundreds minutes of airtime with a pay as you go plan an give it to her.

Problem solve as far as communication is concern
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sun 30 Aug, 2020 07:15 pm
@BillRM,
BillRM wrote:

Comment I am addressing only the communication problem picked up a cheap phone for 40 dollars or less add a few hundreds minutes of airtime with a pay as you go plan an give it to her.

Problem solve as far as communication is concern


Her father doesn't want them communicating. If he shows that kind of deviousness, and gets her in on it, he will never win his approval, which is necessary.

Anyone can say "go get a burner phone" He needs help proving himself as a worthy suitor to the father.

In fact, the communication problem is with the father, not the girl.
BillRM
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 31 Aug, 2020 03:40 am
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:

BillRM wrote:

Comment I am addressing only the communication problem picked up a cheap phone for 40 dollars or less add a few hundreds minutes of airtime with a pay as you go plan an give it to her.

Problem solve as far as communication is concern


Her father doesn't want them communicating. If he shows that kind of deviousness, and gets her in on it, he will never win his approval, which is necessary.

Anyone can say "go get a burner phone" He needs help proving himself as a worthy suitor to the father.

In fact, the communication problem is with the father, not the girl.



She 17 likely only months away before she become a legal adult so at some point it is time to say the hell with the father if need be.

Next I would not be on this earth if my father had obey his parents and not married my mother.

At the time the age of adulthood was 21 an he was 20 about to ship off to fight in WW2 and his parents would not sign the needed paperwork so they could get married before he ship out.

The only reason I am here is that my mother parents took them to a near by state where they could marry at less then 21.

For myself I will always be grateful to my father for picking my mother and the future me over his parents wishes.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 31 Aug, 2020 04:15 am
@chai2,
A little more family history when my parents was still in high school my father parents came to my mother father home an told him to stop allowing his daughter to date their son.

He kicked them both off the property according to family history the end result my father have very very little contact with his parents for the rest of their lives even those he was their only surviving child an I got a grandfather that was a second father to me in almost ever way an hardly knew my other grandparents.

Once more I will always be grateful for my father telling his parents to go to hell.
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Mon 31 Aug, 2020 06:16 am
@BillRM,
Unless this all happened in a Muslim country, it's not relevant
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Aug, 2020 06:52 am
@jespah,
jespah wrote:

Unless this all happened in a Muslim country, it's not relevant


????????
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Mon 31 Aug, 2020 07:00 am
@BillRM,
The OP's gf is in a Muslim country. Your experiences are heartening and I'm glad you're here, but it is 100% a different culture.
BillRM
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 31 Aug, 2020 07:28 am
@jespah,
jespah wrote:

The OP's gf is in a Muslim country. Your experiences are heartening and I'm glad you're here, but it is 100% a different culture.


Sorry I miss that information but not all Muslim nations are the same and my family once had a couple of marry doctors one was Jewish and the other Muslim an they would travel back and forth to the lady Muslim country. Sorry it been too many years for me to remember the nation name off hand.

Off hand I think Turkey does not enforce religion laws for the most part.
youssfix1
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Aug, 2020 09:13 am
@chai2,
no , her father won't choose her any partner .
i would like to introduce myself to her father , but i'm too young , because if you want to talk to a girl's father , first you must have only 20 years old and have your own apartment and have a job , also she's still young , if i went to talk to him , he's going to make fun of me . i would like to try , but once i get a job first thing i'm going to do , is talking to him
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Mon 31 Aug, 2020 09:23 am
@youssfix1,
So what if he makes fun of you? That’s part of the vetting process.

He makes fun of you, if you back away, he knows you really weren’t interested in his daughter.
You persist, and keep respectfully coming back, he’ll know you’re serious. And she’ll know too.

But hey, if you can’t do this for the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, maybe you really don’t.

Anyway, you could die tomorrow and it would be terrible if someone made fun of you before you died.

0 Replies
 
 

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