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Should I be okay with my boyfriend drinking?

 
 
Reply Fri 17 Jul, 2020 10:34 pm
I'm not sure how to feel about my partners drinking habits. We both agreed that drinking isn't something we like to do. He said to me that he only drinks occasionally, but lately it seems like it's been more often than that. When we talked about occasional drinking and all we were specific about occasions as in like holidays and stuffs. But lately, he's been drinking whenever he's offered a drink and his occasional has turned into whenever his sister felt like drinking. He tells me when he's going to be drinking and I can tell each time he's looking forward to it. He knows I don't approve of it, but I try to be. He told me he takes opportunity to drink with his family when offered because he liked that he feels included like that. I understand that, but I still don't approve of drinking. I see it like if he keeps this up he's gonna make a habit of it. I don't want my partner to be a drunkard, but I feel like at some point it'll come to that. It's scary for me. I don't know if I'm being too much and that's what I want to know. Should I be okay with it? Am I too much?
 
View best answer, chosen by anonn101
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Fri 17 Jul, 2020 10:38 pm
@anonn101,
How much do they drink when they are together? Do they go thru multiple bottles of wine, or cases of beer, or do they have a glass or two of wine. Has it gotten difficult, do fights break out, what happens when they drink.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Jul, 2020 10:59 pm
@glitterbag,
Also, how old are both these people?

There’s really not a lot of info here except she doesn’t want him to drink.

anonn101
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Jul, 2020 11:11 pm
@glitterbag,
Nothing bad happens, just having fun. My issue is just that I don't approve of drinking itself. I see it negatively and I prefer he don't drink as often as he do now. Am I too much?
0 Replies
 
anonn101
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Jul, 2020 11:13 pm
@chai2,
Around 19-30.
glitterbag
 
  4  
Reply Fri 17 Jul, 2020 11:16 pm
@anonn101,
Jiminy Christmas, cut him loose..you will make him miserable.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Jul, 2020 11:50 pm
@anonn101,
anonn101 wrote:

Around 19-30.


Oh FFS.

Around 19-30?

Let me get out my pliers so I can pull some more teeth.
My saying there’s not a lot of information was your cue to, you know, provide some.

When you said in your first post that “we decided drinking isn’t some we didn’t like to do” I think you meant You decided it isn’t something we like to do.

Maybe somewhere between turning 19 and 31 he decided for himself he’d like to have a drink beyond your strictly dictated parameters.

If you don’t want him drinking, and that’s a deal breaker, do him a favor and leave.
anonn101
 
  -2  
Reply Sat 18 Jul, 2020 12:42 am
@chai2,
I think you need glasses.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 Jul, 2020 05:35 pm
@anonn101,
So, one is 19 and the other is 30? Or are those the demographics?
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
  Selected Answer
 
  4  
Reply Sat 18 Jul, 2020 09:04 pm
Annon
You are dealing with not only his attitude towards drinking but also his family’s. So know that this behavior is engrained into his character. He’s going to drink.

Find yourself a guy with your same attitude about where alcohol is in his life.
0 Replies
 
marynorton
 
  -2  
Reply Wed 22 Jul, 2020 05:22 am
I think its normal
0 Replies
 
Teufel
 
  1  
Reply Fri 24 Jul, 2020 05:23 am
@anonn101,
It really doesn't matter if your boyfriend is drinking alcohol, uber religious or likes sky diving ... If you do not approve, then you do not approve.

My wife and I have been married for 30+ years, we are blissfully happy and always have been. This is because we match at all levels: Similar origins, socio economic backgrounds, similar IQ and education levels. We have the same politics, same beliefs in society, same likes and dislikes. The same views on people, family and friends. What that all means is wholly unimportant, what matters is we match

My advice to anyone is 'Never compromise, only ever accept' .... Right now I would suggest you are compromising with your boyfriend's alcohol consumption ... My advice is do not. You have to either accept that he drinks, will drink and will always drink or get away. Realise that it is quite likely if pressures build such as having children, he will drink more and more. Drinking is a social crutch for most people. His need for 'family approval' is also concerning.

It is a reality of life that we cannot change people ... Plus if you look at his father you will most likely see his son in the years to come. We are all a product of our childhood and our surroundings as a child .... I do not think that you match and that you need to change your life; get away from this young man.

Fortune only ever favours the brave. The hard choice is invariably the right choice.

Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Fri 24 Jul, 2020 06:57 am
@Teufel,
Quote:
My advice to anyone is 'Never compromise, only ever accept' ....

**** me, if only I’d learned that sixty years earlier. Seriously good advice.
Now if only there were more real freaks in the world..
0 Replies
 
Macey07
 
  -1  
Reply Sat 1 Aug, 2020 12:52 pm
@anonn101,
I wouldn't take the chance. I'd make it clear it's not ok otherwise end it. I learned it the hard way once. He promised never to drink and hasn't in years. Then he started acting differently one day and there were fights. Nothing physical but such fights never happened before. He had respect for women and wouldn't raise his voice. I also didn't know how he was years before when he did drink other than it was bad based on what he told me so he promised his grandpa, who died recently, that he'd never drink again. Then shortly later he was different and the fights began. Then I found out he began drinking and didn't want people to know. I told him he broke his promise to his grandpa anf everyone who counted on him keeping it. This made him angry but I told him he can fix it still and stop. Apparently, that didn't work. It only got worse and worse. There were threats, death threats, etc. Most were to me. People got worried for me and I left. He got angrier and ignored calls from his family and stopped going to work and so on. Basically, it was threats for leaving him now and so on. People told me to get a restraining order too since he even said death threats to my family and the nephews I had. So yeah I stopped all contact and all. Last thing his mom told me was they barged in his place and got him to a hospital since he was in bad shape and wasn't eating and only drinking. Drinking can turn ugly. Don't give it the option.
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