Is my inexperience a problem?

Reply Sat 20 Jun, 2020 04:36 pm
I’m a 35 yo straight female and a virgin. I come from a religious background and didn’t believe in sex before marriage for the longest time. This combined with sexual abuse at a young age has resulted in me ‘protecting’ myself from the opposite sex and I have not really dated either. I also need to have a strong connection with someone in order to be attracted to them.

I am now considering dating and am lost at where to start. I am worried that a lot of relationships at my age require sexual intimacy at an earlier stage of the relationship.

How much of an issue is my inexperience and how should I broach the subject as I try dating (through apps)?

I really feel like there is something wrong with me.
View best answer, chosen by cyberjess
Reply Sat 20 Jun, 2020 04:40 pm
There's nothing wrong with you. Lots of people want a deeper connection before hopping in the sack.

Does your house of worship or religion have any sort of dating/young people need to meet kind of activities? Can be in person or even an app or a website. That may be a place to start, as you could set an expectation, plus you would have something in common with the other person right off the bat.

I just Googled dating sites for people saving themselves for marriage and came up with a bunch of hits. So that's another thing to try.
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  Selected Answer
Reply Sat 20 Jun, 2020 04:49 pm
1. I am a middle aged man. I would have no problem with this. I don't think your "inexperience" will be an issue with most men.

2. In any serious relationship, communication is very important. If a woman told me that she had never had sex, and that she wanted to take it slow... I would be understanding especially if I saw a future in the relationship.

3. I don't think you should mention this on a dating site. This is something you can talk about after a few dates with someone you want a relationship. The first few dates are generally a time to get to know each other and to see if there is chemistry. After a few dates... if it is going well, you can talk to him and say "I like this relationship and I am serious... I want to talk about this...".

This probably won't be as much of a big deal as you think.

4. It really helps me, as a man, when I know for sure what my partner needs and wants. My advice would be for you to do something thinking about this on your own. What would a sexual relationship mean for you? What do you want in a partner? What do you need to feel comfortable.

If my partner can communicate these things clearly to me, it makes it much easier for me and it also helps me to be patient, respectful and caring.

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david lyga
Reply Sun 28 Jun, 2020 06:33 am
My dear, you would be weak-willed to fall into line with our present day cultural 'requirements' of assuming that sex is first and foremost. Simply refrain until YOU are certain, not until you can no longer avoid the pressure and intimidation. Rape can involve other than physical intrusion. You are your own person. Retain that right.

I am 70 and gay. - David Lyga
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Reply Fri 25 Dec, 2020 03:30 am
No, of course not! If anything, inexperience is an asset! After all, people who do have "experience" often compare their current rental with others in the past. It is better if two virgins marry. That way, if one is "doing it wrong," the other doesn't know, and won't mind.
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Reply Sun 27 Dec, 2020 01:42 am
Experience is experience. Asking for help is experience. Your "inexperience" is just you being experienced at being your own self. So really, your experience is your problem...
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