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Should I try get out?

 
 
Reply Wed 3 Jun, 2020 01:35 pm
I think my mum might be abusive but its really difficult to accept this. I've been talking to someone online and I have told him the kind of things my mum says and does including calling me worthless among other horrible names and pinning me down to hit me and throwing chairs at me. These things happened maybe 2 or 3 years ago but they still affect me. I have panic attacks and have invasive memories and that person that I have been talking to says I could have PTSD from it although I'm finding it difficult to accept such a severe mental illness as the answer to why I'm experiencing these things since it seems to me that kind of diagnosis belongs to people who are without a doubt abused or went to war or something else actually traumatic and unlike something I experienced. Everyone has gotten hit and yelled at by their parents but I'm struggling to understand why it affects me so much. My mum isn't the only one to do these things to me, my dad has slapped me across the face a few times and comments on my weight a lot and uses horrible names too but not to the same extent my mum does.

Recently I've been having more invasive memories that have led to me having huge panic attacks and I've been having immense feelings of a need to escape and get help but should I be searching for it? Do I deserve that help that could maybe instead be given to someone who is in immediate danger? I'm not in any immediate danger but I still have fantasies of not being in contact with my parents. I've been thinking of cutting off all contact with them for years now but I don't have the means to do that yet. I don't have the finances to find my own place and escape them but should I be trying to escape them at all? I also live in Ireland so rent is insane so that's impossible at the moment as with all the money I've saved up in my 18 years would only pay 1 month's rent in a semi-decent place. Should I be trying to get out now even though I don't think I'm in any immediate danger? Or should I wait until after I'm finished college, to get a good job so I can move out in 4 years time and cut them off and just get over it?
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jespah
 
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Reply Wed 3 Jun, 2020 02:02 pm
@Aoifekay,
Aoifekay wrote:

....Everyone has gotten hit and yelled at by their parents but I'm struggling to understand why it affects me so much. My mum isn't the only one to do these things to me, my dad has slapped me across the face a few times and comments on my weight a lot and uses horrible names too but not to the same extent my mum does.

... Do I deserve that help that could maybe instead be given to someone who is in immediate danger? I'm not in any immediate danger but I still have fantasies of not being in contact with my parents. I've been thinking of cutting off all contact with them for years now but I don't have the means to do that yet. I don't have the finances to find my own place and escape them but should I be trying to escape them at all? ...Or should I wait until after I'm finished college, to get a good job so I can move out in 4 years time and cut them off and just get over it?
This isn't true. Not everyone gets hit by their folks.It. Is. Not. Normal.

Don't make excuses for them.

Yes, of course you deserve help.

As for whether you should wait or get out now, it's up to you. You can start planning now, even if you won't be leaving immediately. That means a bank account in your name only, where your parents can't get to it. It means working, even at a lousy job, and socking away your salary as much as you can, and save it.

It also means doing what you can now to get yourself better situated later. Cultivating professional contacts so you can be employed in the future or at least mentored. It means looking at the apartment listings now even if all you're doing is look. Find the places where the prices aren't so godawfully high. They're out there, and they aren't necessarily all terrible.

It also means cultivating your relationships with your friends. You're going to need them.
Aoifekay
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Jun, 2020 02:20 pm
@jespah,
Thank you for the advice and I already have a bank account that they can't access and I've checked and the cheapest place in my country is over 400 euro and it's literally across the entire country but I think I can manage something else hopefully and I'm currently looking for a summer job which I'm hopefully going to get soon enough and unfortunately I don't have a lot of friends and the only person that knew of my situation didn't think anything of it or support me in any way and is now no longer in my life other than that friend online who is currently supporting me but is living in another country. Just want to thank you again and I greatly appreciate your reply.
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Jun, 2020 04:35 pm
@Aoifekay,
Hang in there. Of course, if you're in immediate danger, get out fast.

In the meantime, I would suggest to use your time productively. You can do this
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