Having gay sex just to feel masculinity?

Don't see any reason why not, seeing as men have straight sex for the same reason.

hi
seems to be sort of a psychological thing... have you ever tried to discuss it with a specialist?
our childhood affects our present so much and sometimes it can be helpful to sort out your feelings about your relationships with parents and between parents as they used to be your first role model in life you know.
anyways, there's nothing wrong with you for sure, you just need to find out the best way for expressing your sexuality to make you feel better and not be embarrassed about it
wish you all the best!

As a 70 year old gay masseur whose clientele is almost exclusively straight male, I will say that you are experiencing nothing unusual. The attraction part is hard-wired and nothing to be either ashamed of or afraid of. This is natural but decades of societal pressure to posit otherwise is the only damage that I see. - David Lyta

Personally I am CIS; I have never once thought about males in any manner apart from the fact most of them irritate me to hell.

It would seem reasonable to say that people who find the same sex appealing in anyway, are at least bi-sexual. For you to have found your father 'weak', things must have happened which you viewed negatively prior to your 'got into a fight' excursion.

Myself I have owned many adult sexual entertainment businesses and in all types of sexualities there are a wide scope of interests. Some gay males like camp, some like sissy and some like 'bear' which is where you are seemingly at.

quote: ...... "Long story short, I think i might have these sexual encounters to feel the masculinity because I don’t know how to express it myself"

What does that mean? Do you mean you are unable to say you are homosexual? Or bi-sexual? Or ... what?

In my life experience one has to be who you are to the exclusion of all other input .... Be yourself and face the world as who you really are, not as you might imagine the world wishes to see you.