Personally I am CIS; I have never once thought about males in any manner apart from the fact most of them irritate me to hell.
It would seem reasonable to say that people who find the same sex appealing in anyway, are at least bi-sexual. For you to have found your father 'weak', things must have happened which you viewed negatively prior to your 'got into a fight' excursion.
Myself I have owned many adult sexual entertainment businesses and in all types of sexualities there are a wide scope of interests. Some gay males like camp, some like sissy and some like 'bear' which is where you are seemingly at.
quote: ...... "Long story short, I think i might have these sexual encounters to feel the masculinity because I don’t know how to express it myself"
What does that mean? Do you mean you are unable to say you are homosexual? Or bi-sexual? Or ... what?
In my life experience one has to be who you are to the exclusion of all other input .... Be yourself and face the world as who you really are, not as you might imagine the world wishes to see you.