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Thu 23 Apr, 2020 04:07 am
I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for about 4 years. We met online and we would travel to each others country every one to two months to see each other and spend time with each other. The second year of my relationship with my boyfriend, one of my guy friends said he had a crush on me ( he knew I was in a ldr with my boyfriend) and I replied to him that I don't feel the same way about him since he is a friend of mine and we've known each other since we were in elementary school and because I'm also happy in my current relationship even if it was a ldr. After four years in a ldr, eventually we decided with my boyfriend to move in together and I decided to go to his country so we can experience how it is to live together in the same place and in the same house. He started living on his own after a while and got an apartment for himself so I can also join him when I would go to his country. But something changed. The fourth year of our relationship, just a few months before I go live with him in his country, I started feeling attracted to my guy friend who confessed to me. After his confession and rejection, he approached me some more times but I would always say no because I didn't feel the same way as he did. But why did I start feeling attracted to him and thinking about him just before I could finaly be with my boyfriend? Also, just before i left for my boyfriend's country in January, he declared his love for me and that I mean a lot to him, and that made my heart crush into pieces. I also told him in a letter I gave him about my attraction to him but that I want to try things out with my current boyfriend because i love him. I've now started living with my boyfriend in his house for about 4 months now and I'm feeling happy with him because I love him and he means a lot to me. We have of course sometimes our arguments about stuff but in general we're happy. But at the same time I can't stop thinking of my guy friend and still feel attracted to him. During the day I catch myself thinking about him and sometimes I also dream about him. I see dreams like how it would be if I was in a relationship with him, I see him approaching me and kissing me and stuff like that and I feel happy in my dream. Now I don't even know my feelings, what's real and what's not real? Is it possible to love two people at the same time? What should I do from now on and will I be able to stop thinking/dreaming about him and feel attracted to him? Because I don't want to destroy my current relationship if it's just a crush..
Lots of people are feeling weird right now.
That's 100% normal.
I wouldn't put any stock in it until after things get back to semi-normal.
You might be homesick since you left everything, not just your friend. You may be missing your other life.
@jespah,
jespah wrote:
Lots of people are feeling weird right now.
That's 100% normal.
I wouldn't put any stock in it until after things get back to semi-normal.
Adding to that, it's also 100% normal to be in a good loving relationship with someone, and have thoughts about another. It's called being human.
I would enjoy those dreams and personal feelings for any good sensations it brings to you. It doesn't mean you have to act on them.
@jespah,
Yeah maybe you're right, and maybe also the thought that I can't return to my country right now for a visit with the whole situation makes me feel weird and homesick in general.
@PUNKEY,
Yes because also the last few days before I left my country I was feeling very sad and lonely rather than happy that I will start a new life, that step really scared me. At first I thought it would be fine but when things started to happen and moving to another country actually happened made very uneasy and scared.
@chai2,
Yes that's true..But I'm also trying to maintain a friendly relationship with my guy friend, we're a group of 6 friends and we're all hanging out together when I was in my country and we all have a group chat etc. And I keep on having these thoughts and dreams about him, maybe also the fact that he confessed again to me that he loves me just before I left had a big impact on me since I had also started having feelings for him and just realizing it. Would it be a good idea to try to keep some distance or will it make my curiosity and thought grow bigger?
@MS185,
Here is an idea. Either dump the current guy and move back to have a relationship with this other guy, or stay where you are and tell the other guy that you are not interested in being anything more than friends and that he needs to stop pursuing you or you will have to cut off communication. If he cares for you at all he will stop with the whole love talk unless and until your current relationship should end.
And rather than spending time "thinking" about this other guy, why don't you occupy your mind with thoughts of the guy you are living with now? Don't you think that would be more productive? (I am curious what your current guy thinks about you contacting and talking to some other guy who tells you he has feelings for you and who you claim you cannot seem to stop thinking about.)
@CoastalRat,
Dammit CR, stop talking sense!
@MS185,
You have to decide whether to follow the society’s rules you live in or find an alternative.
Rule 1 here is : You can only love one other person emotionally or sexually.
I’m not crazy about it either.
@MS185,
That's going to be a tricky situation, just keep things normal between the both of you and dont indulge him if he starts talking about his feelings for you, that doesn't mean you should be rude to him though. At the end of the day it all comes down to if you love your boyfriend be with him.
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