Sat 18 Apr, 2020 09:08 pm
So 2 1/2 years ago, this guy followed me on Instagram, he sent me a DM (direct message) and we talked every single day for that whole year. He’s my age, and now he’s one of my guy friends. He lives in Philadelphia, i live in California. We would talk on the phone, text every day, facetime a lot. Like genuinely built a good connection, we were like best friends. That following summer, he confessed to me over facetime and he said that he has feelings for me. I said, the feelings are mutual. But his family is very strict and religious so he said that he didn’t want to make it more than friendship because his family does arranged marriages. We both have a mature mindsets and he told me that he see’s a future with me. So after that, things were back to normal you know, it wasn’t awkward. But then some drama with his ex happened and she found out that he confessed to me. Even though they broke up ages ago (but still had little feelings left). After that whole drama, it was still fine between us, i wasn’t a part of the drama. But our texting became less slowly, our communication slowly decreased. But anytime either one of us would hit each other up, it would still be the same. Just, calling every night and texting often became, less and less. I noticed that we would walk only if i were to initiate conversation. So i stopped initiating conversation, and we barely talked for a month and a half. Then fast forward to February 2020, my mom passed away from lung cancer. So i messaged everyone of my friends asking them to pray for her. Then he started to text me more, when i didn’t pick up, he would call my friends to check up on me. I cried to him about everything. Genuinely he is a good friend of mine. Then I didn’t talk to him because again i noticed that we would only talk if i initiated conversation. He messaged me and was like “you don’t hit me up anymore. You know i suck at texting” etc. So i felt bad, because he truly is always there for me when i have struggles, but he never starts conversation and at times it feels one sided. So then i start to initiate conversation next week or two, i even complimented him once and he just opened my message. So I’m gonna stop initiating conversation. But he makes me feel guilty every time i stop. But i believe that if you want to talk to someone, you will. Friendship shouldn’t be one sided. But thats the struggle i’ve been having with him. I want to maintain our friendship because I appreciate him as a friend, and he does show his care. But he doesn’t reach out and it feels one sided.
Your mother died 2 months ago of a terrible disease and you're worrying about a boy?
It sounds like you are blocking the feeling of grief for you mother by creating, to be honest, some bullshit that is nothing compared to the loss of your mom.
You have my permission to feel the pain of her death and deal with that.
So that you know Zahay, my husband died 3 months ago not directly from his lung cancer, but because the treatments were so hard on him he didn't have the strength to overcome it.
Dying of lung cancer is a terrible thing to watch, and a worse thing to go through. I'm sorry you had to go through this at such a young age.
So please don't tell me that this boy texting/not texting you is something you really believe is important.
You don't have guy friend issues. You have my mother just died grief.
Sounds like you have wanted more from this relationship for a long time, yet he has not moved to make it happen. Accept that.
In time of grief, we want people around us who are supportive and willing to listen to us. You would think a friend would be there for you, but for some reason, he cannot fill that role.
Everyone grieves differently. Is there someone near you who can give you the time and comfort you are seeking?