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15 years and gone with a text

 
 
Reply Sat 18 Apr, 2020 09:59 am
I started dating this guy in high school, we dated a few years and he was my first everything. In our early 20s he gets into a bad scene including drugs and we break up, during this short time he gets a girl in another state pregnant and marries her because in this southern state that’s the only thing to do..... This girl leaves him and takes the kid, he comes back to where he’s from and we reconnect. This time around things are different and at times he had a dark cloud over him (I think sadness about his child). He did not do anything to actively pursue seeing his child nor getting a divorce in 11 years except sending money from time to time.During this corana virus many people lost their jobs, including his still legally wife (the one he was with barley a year) she reaches out saying that their kid has been asking questions about him. Over the next few weeks he FaceTimes and talks with his daughter, all the while the wife is requesting more money that he sends. 3 weeks ago he leaves a short message on a dry erase board saying he is leaving and things aren’t working out. Deserving more then a short sentence I find him (I was blocked) we talk and decide to work things out and promises he will not do that again. Things for the past few weeks have been way off but I tried the best I could until yesterday when I get a text saying he is not coming home, he cannot give me what I want and he has quit his job of 8 years and is in the state his daughter is in & that he’s sorry. I am 34 and have been bringing up having kids and getting married since we’ve been dating for so long... I am at a loss, any advice?
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mark noble
 
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Reply Mon 20 Apr, 2020 12:45 pm
@Tabbyme2001,
Yes.
Get over it.
Nobody or Anything owes you buggerall.
Have a lovely day.
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Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 20 Apr, 2020 01:12 pm
@Tabbyme2001,
Curious how long have you been bringing up getting married and having kids?

In either case, it appears he made the decision to be with his child. It sounds like he finally understands that he could not be a husband and a father to your children. As tough as it is and as unfair as it seems - you are better to know this than to start a family with him and he left.

I was maybe a little younger than you - I had dated a man (no kids or former or current wife) for 8 years. We had talked at times about getting married and so forth - at the beginning he was all about us eventually getting married but we were in early to mid twenties and neither wanted that yet.

So push forward 7 or so years. We go to a friend's wedding and so it was normal to talk about our future especially as this friend had been dating significantly less time than we had. He kind of stalled on the idea. So I am thinking now that we are in our early thirties about when we talked we would want to get married it doesn't appear he wants this any more (or reality struck).

Still I stuck with him - but I my mind and heart started drifting - do I really want to just continue dating? Then I went on a trip with a bunch of girlfriends - we were now all over the country and met up to go on skiing trip. While there I met so many single hot guys - I am thinking what the h*ll am I doing with this loser that has no thoughts to commit permanently while instead I could be dating all these different good looking guys!

Well when I got home - I broke up with him - starting just being single again and dating - nothing serious - then wouldn't you know 3 or 4 months later, I meet someone - I try to keep him at arms length but he is persistent.

We end up marrying about a year and a half later - have two girls and have been married for over 20 years.

Bottom line he isn't meant for you - and if you were to have stuck with him you likely would have been hanging on for more and more years.
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