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Sex isn’t the same as before

 
 
Thu 16 Apr, 2020 11:37 pm
Hi there,

So I’m a 24 year old man, who works part time at a supermarket 25hrs a week and I’m studying a course part time too. I have a girlfriend who is 25 and a full time nurse, she works 3 days a week doing 13hr shifts.

When we first started officially going out which was May 2019 her sex drive was insane, like to the same level as me, we would have sex constantly, going round after round. Minimum every time we met up we used to have 5 rounds. Last year she was in her her final year of university and doing 13hr shifts as a practice nurse, as well as studying, so I would say she was a lot more busier and stressed out than she is now

Anyway for the past 3-4 months I’d say her kinkiness and sex drive has decreased massively, there would be times where we would only have a couple of rounds, I’d try getting some more rounds in, but she’d always say she’s tired, or she can’t handle my dick (not being big headed)...... but you handled my dick before, going round after round in the past, what’s changed? Yes I get she can be tired time to time we’re only human, but she works 3 days a week, doing 13hrs shifts. Even when she has 3 days off in a row, she still says she’s tired. Before she used to dress up in sexy lingerie, try new sex positions, involve toys, handcuffs etc.... but now I feel like it’s changed a lot. Another thing when it comes to sex I’m always the one to initiate it 95% of the time, when I don’t initiate it she seems to think theres something on my mind, then she asks me
“What’s wrong babe” I’m just thinking kiss me and stroke my dick. I’m always the one snogging your face and rubbing your clit, why can’t you start it off for a change! like it really gets to me. When I want her to dress up, I have to ask her........ I like to be surprised, why should I ask you all the time, and the past few time’s I’ve asked her to dress up in some sexy lingerie, wear some makeup, we’ll have one night of just pure filthy sex, she agrees, so I’m all excited looking forward to it, get to hers, no lingerie or makeup, and again we only have a couple of rounds.

I love her to bits, she is the love of my life........ BUT how do I tell her this in the nicest way, without her being offended.

Like I want her to realise herself, instead of me talking to her about it, because at the end of the day, I don’t want to force her to have sex with me. I’m not going to lie to you, it does get me insecure, I wonder, is she still attracted to me? Does she still love me the same?

But I know we are still madly in love with each other till this day, besides the sex we both care about each other and do cheesy things for each other. Like everything is the same, it’s just there’s a change sexually.

Any advice would be great!
Thanks for taking the time to read my post 😊
 
CoastalRat
 
  4  
Fri 17 Apr, 2020 05:40 am
@John1996,
Quote:
because at the end of the day, I don’t want to force her to have sex with me
I feel sorry for your girlfriend. Hopefully she will wise up and find someone who doesn't keep count of how many "rounds" she goes.

I hope she sees the above quote. Any woman reading that should run and run fast from you.
PUNKEY
 
  4  
Fri 17 Apr, 2020 07:16 am
Its not unusual for sexual activity to lessen in time with couples. That’s when other things about the relationship have to be strong enough to hold two people together, (like mutual interests in music, art, hobbies, cooking, games, sports, etc)

You don't mention anything else except sex and even then, it’s about how many “rounds” at one time you want. I’m sensing a fear on your part that sex isn't going to be enough to hold this relationship together. .

If she’s a nurse she’s probably under great stress right now. I cant imagine her work schedule!

What are you doing for her outside of the bedroom? Like making meals, caring for the home, bringing her flowers, or giving her a massage ( without expecting sex in return)

In short, its about quality, not quantity.
chai2
 
  3  
Fri 17 Apr, 2020 09:42 am
@CoastalRat,
Is that you in your avatar CR?

I like it so much better than the old one.
You're a good lookin' dude.

Before, if I pictured you while you posted, I would always see this clown sitting around the house talking to your wife.

Not a good look. Laughing
CoastalRat
 
  1  
Fri 17 Apr, 2020 10:24 am
@chai2,
Ah, you are way too kind Chai. Yes, that is me. Or a picture of me from almost 5 years ago during a cruise.
0 Replies
 
John1996
 
  1  
Sat 18 Apr, 2020 12:24 am
@PUNKEY,
I totally get the quality over quantity bit, I do a lot of nice things for her, including those you stated, but I just feel that sex was crazy 6months in to our relationship and now it’s completely different. I mean for me to still have that adrenaline and sexual desire and she doesn’t, it makes me think is she still attracted to me sexually or has is decreased? I want her love for me to be infinite and I’d hate for it to decrease.

Yes she is under a lot of stress, considering the pandemic we are going through, and I envy her for that, I really do, I’m doing everything I can to take that stress away, because I love her, I cook and clean, so that she can come home have a nice meal and talk to me about her day and rest, Even if we had no sex, I’d still be with her, I love her to bits and can’t imagine my life without her.
vikorr
 
  1  
Sat 18 Apr, 2020 04:51 pm
@John1996,
Quote:
I want her love for me to be infinite and I’d hate for it to decrease.
This expectation is incredibly unrealistic. Virtually no person is ever this way (outside of the high of the start of the relationship)

It is very normal for sexual desire to decrease after some time together, because at the very start:
- the relationship is still new (so, exciting)
- there is uncertainty / the unknown (about the relationship)
- you're not worrying about where the relationship is going (long term)
- the responsibilities for the growth of the relationship aren't yet weighing people down
- the sex is different (so new)
- etc

All of this gives people a high, which energises them. But it is (for most people) an artificial high that can't last forever. They eventually come down to normal levels (for them). From there, how you grow the relationship (the effort, thought and time you continue to put into the relationship) and support the other (eg with workloads at home) has a large impact on the energy & happiness within the relationship (which affect the levels of love & desire).


0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Sat 18 Apr, 2020 05:04 pm
@John1996,
John1996 wrote:
Anyway for the past 3-4 months


uh

covid-19

everything is different, including how people express stress and how people feel about their partners

do you live in the same home? if so, what are you doing to make life better for both of you? you are both frontline workers. she is full-time in a super high stress job. she needs a lot more support.

if you don't live in the same home, you shouldn't be seeing each other in person in any case, so think of what you can do virtually for both of you
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  2  
Sat 18 Apr, 2020 05:44 pm
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:

Is that you in your avatar CR?

I like it so much better than the old one.
You're a good lookin' dude....
Seconded.
CoastalRat
 
  1  
Mon 20 Apr, 2020 06:28 am
@jespah,
My wife says y'all don't need to feed my ego so much. Seriously, you are too kind. I'm almost blushing here.
bobsal u1553115
 
  2  
Mon 20 Apr, 2020 07:48 am
Sex is never the same as before. Trying to relive the same moment over and over is arrested development. And by the way, don't her thoughts, wants, needs come into your equation EVER? She's moving on and you're throwing a tantrum. Grow up: either recognize her POV or move on. It seems like she is and you want to stay the same old whiny child. Grow up.
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Mon 20 Apr, 2020 08:15 am
@CoastalRat,
Just don’t understand why I don’t get the same response.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Mon 20 Apr, 2020 09:55 am
@CoastalRat,
CoastalRat wrote:

My wife says y'all don't need to feed my ego so much. Seriously, you are too kind. I'm almost blushing here.



Ha!
Yes, that's her job to feed your ego, and I'm sure she does an excellent job of it.

Give that obviously lovely woman a hug for me.
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  2  
Mon 20 Apr, 2020 12:34 pm
Aw right, that does it.
I’m buy'n a hat.
CoastalRat
 
  3  
Mon 20 Apr, 2020 01:47 pm
@Leadfoot,
Actually, I think a hat would help. Although my wife thinks you're cute, in a homely sort of way. If that helps you any.
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Tue 21 Apr, 2020 04:55 am
@CoastalRat,
It does. Now you can give your lovely wife a hug for me.

I went shopping but the only thing that fit was a yarmulke. I’d probably get accused of cultural appropriation, so no hat yet.

0 Replies
 
 

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