Shoot me and put me out of my misery

Ha ha. No, but once I did cross my eyes at him for taking a particularly lecturing tone with me. I do often accelerate my disinterest as his attitude worsens.

Do try yawning. It's very satisfying.

I like the yawning idea.

Same old, same old--but non-verbally.

I'm a fan of the watch-check.
Less and less discreetly.

And keep looking as though you are desperately trying to suppress the yawns.....

Then when you're bored of supressing visible boredom, turn ostentatiously to the side and give him yawn-in-profile (with your hand up to block only the frontal view.

So, another go-round today. They are getting longer and harder because the project lead is on vacation and is not around to settle disputes. One new thing that gets on my nerves -- he starts telling me what the acronyms on my project stand for. I've been on the project since the beginning and have helped write the requirements for it, so something about him telling me what things mean really irks me. Today we were arguing about what one particular concept actually is and he tells me "ABC stands for..." and I say "I know what ABC stands for but thanks for the lecture". That's the first I've let on about being irritated by his tone. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. It had just been a really long conversation of him shooting my idea down only to come around and suggest it later as if he'd just discovered the rock of Gibraltar.

Wow. I'm glad I have this thread to vent in.

Yeah. It's always amusing (not) to hear your ideas parroted back at you. Especially when they didn't like the ideas originally.

Sometimes it just takes a while for folks to catch up.

How about asking for his opinion on the wisdom of a hypothetical fortune cookie:

"Confrontation creates disharmony."

Then spike his kneecap and mutter daintily, "Oops, I missed."

Tee hee. Noddy, you kill me.

Now I feel bad. I think I have him figured out. His condescending tone is a measure of his frustration because he's having trouble making his ideas fit in the "real world" of software development. I've been acting like he's the devil incarnate when really he's just having a hard time adjusting. Poor guy. He's still rough around the edges, but I no longer feel like he thinks I'm an idiot, and he's come around to my way of thinking on a few things. And maybe I've come around to his way of thinking on a thing or two too.

Or maybe the shoes did the trick.

That sounds extremely plausible, FreeDuck. Whenever E.G. has dealt with one of those there has been a hefty component of insecurity for one reason or another. I think what was trickiest was to get through the phase where he just annoyed you and you risked becoming a scapegoat for his general frustration by the way you expressed your annoyance... if you've gotten to the point where you've figured out those things about him, that's good.

I'm sure he doesn't actually think you're an idiot.

This whole mindset, having an idea about motivations and such, can help a lot, as long as you don't show it. I had a boss like that, he was new and overwhelmed and way insecure (and way disorganized), at first I freaked out but then I settled into sort of nodding and smiling and working around him (especially going above him.) I got a little too complacent and let on the going above him part (something like asking him for permission to do something, not trusting that he would pass it up and not trusting that he would back me up if the higher-up said hey, who said you could do that?, so then after he gave me his permission and I was like great, thanks!, I asked permission of the higher-up in a small meeting that included him -- oops...)

Anyway, do what you can to avoid scapegoathood, stand firm, and vent away. Sounds like you're doing a great job.

FreeDuck

I've been reading along & not saying anything. Mainly because my reaction to this fellow's antics would not be particularly helpful to you: I would pay someone a considerable amount of money to have him quietly vanish, disappear. Anything for peace! Like I said, not really helpful ... :wink:

But I do think you've hit on what's behind his objectionable behavior. He feels vulnerable & is not really coping. This worries him enormously. If you feel inadequate (he hopes!) he feels better. Pathetic!

Yep. Very true about trying to avoid being scapegoated. Or along those same lines, trying to avoid being the person below him on the totem pole. He needs someone to be there, but it doesn't look like it will be me. I'm glad I didn't say the things I was thinking last week as that would have just made things worse.

But yeah, I think that kind of overconfidence and authoritative attitude can only come when someone is neither confident nor authoritative. I'm just glad that I have a really good team and this situation wasn't allowed to derail us.

Thanks for the ears, the advice, and everything everybody. I don't know how long I would have stewed without this outlet.

FreeDuck--

I was glad to hear you vent. You're usually on the unflappable side.

Hold your dominion.

Update: I still hate him.

More coming as soon as the flames stop shooting out of my ears.

<standing by with fire extinguisher in case things get out of hand>

Ok, here's a sort of quick summation. I was on vacation for two weeks. During that time, it appears that DillWeed was having trouble figuring out a part of the app that I'm responsible for. He has some, I'll just say unorthodox coding practices and the tool we are using (that I'm responsible for) is highly standardized and written to enforce good practices. So he's having a lot of trouble with it. Without me here, ProjectLead tried to help him and, though he managed to solve most of his problem, still apparently is sympathetic to DWs complaints.

Actually, I don't think I will be able to explain this without going in to too much detail. Let's just say that I sense a vying for PLs affection/trust/respect and an attempt to challenge and discredit some of my decisions in order to, I don't know, take the number two position? I don't actually have the number two position, so that doesn't make a lot of sense, but maybe he thinks I do.

Mostly, I'm peeved that I can't go on vacation without things falling apart, I'm peeved that DW has an ego the size of Mt Rushmore and I'm peeved that some people are feeding it by giving him more responsibility than someone with no previous work experience should ever have on a project. I feel like I am challenged more about my decisions (which I can always back up, because I don't make very many important ones) and I can't imagine that I would ever be given that amount of power in a project when I was a brand new employee, education and experience or not, that he has been given.

And, all this after PL has admitted that he has problems, that he's hard to work with, and that he consistently goes down the wrong road. I can't figure out what the deal is.

I feel better already having vented. There's more but I haven't quite put the words to it yet.

Nepotism???

I don't think so.

The word that keeps coming to my mind is wanker worship, but I'm not sure that entirely covers it.

Does this guy have a problem with everyone in the work place, or seemingly just you?

Personally if it were me, I would let him be right, because in the end he will be wrong, and then he looks like the idiot.

Also if it were me I would dream of sluting it up, asking him on an evening out and then crush his tiny manhood by telling him hes a creep, but yet hitting on him at work. .... but thats just me personally, i like the tension, i like games of friction. I am sure this wouldnt fit in with your senerio though.

On a less genderly distictive note, I would want to key his car, medicate his drinks, and buy him bowel weakening lunches. But i have a tendancy to want to hold a grudge and be a bitch.

but what SHOULD be done is you should take the less confrontational approach, and ask this guy to lunch or some other non work related event. Chances are he's a major loser, (programmer with an ego... has there ever been such an oximoron?), and although he would never admit it he knows it. He probably has "friends" but theyre either bigger losers than himself and attracked to his ego, or else theyre the ones that keep him around for fun. He needs someone to be a buddy with him, hes coming into a new job, probably doubting himself, but trying to pull it off anyway.

Youve got to find a way to feel sorry for him, so you can try to find a way to be what he needs. (If getting to that place of feeling sorry for him means pulling his pants down at the next office meeting and completely humiliating him to the point of tears..... thats your own call.)