Why do feel tho my friends dont like me anymore??

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I know I sound like a teenager(Im 29) but I feel ike my friends are dissapearing and forgetting about me.
They are in realtionships, buying houses etc I dont expect them to be my social secretaries I just feel like Im being left behind.
I especially feel as tho only couples are invited to events.

This is an ongoing thing but my ex just got married to somebody seemingly nice on the outside but has shown me her very nasty side and banned me from speaking to my ex(now her husband)I was very upset by this as im sure you can understand .I wouldnt be invited to events, I get the impression because nobody wanted an 'atmosphere'.
So it seems the couple is prefered to the singleton.

Ive just found out a friend who has a jekyl and hyde personality has just invited one of my best friends for a get together as they got chatty at my ex's evening wedding doo!!They havnt had a full conversation before then!!
There was also a big BBQ yesterday at friends house which Ive been invited to in the past but not this time.

My gorgoues friend has just become single so now I have even more competition when it comes to being noticed by guys!
I feel like I cant complain about being single to others who become single.I have sympathy but people have times in their lives when they will be on their own.

I dont go to my local anymore because people are rarely there anymore, so Id turn up and then go.
Lots of people have their own homes so they can sit in the garden on a sunny day,I cant just phone people up and invite myself round.

I have become more and more withdrawn because of these things, I was shy to begin with and none of this has helped.I just feel like im losing all my friends, even my best friends,this ex business hasnt helped.
I almost feel like Im in the way, a spare part so I stay quiet quite alot which I know doesnt help but its just the way Ive learned to be.

I feel like Ive been forgotton about because i dont have the same life as others.
I realised the other day my life is exactly the same as it was when I was a 18 except I go to work instead of school.

Sorry to waffle but I just had to get this out.

I really like my friends and Id hate to lose them.

Im having the worst time of my life lately and I feel like Im stuck in a rut.

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seriously - i'll be your friend Smile

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just my advice, if your friends are being rude to you never give up your dignity to be "extra" nice to them just so you can keep them as friends, find new and better ones. friends come and go its a part of life.

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I hate to tell you MG... but they probably are disappearing. When I was younger my mom always told me you have to work at relationships. She was right. I had friends that I had been friends with since I was in 5th grade that I thought I would always be friends with. We grew up. Moved away. Grew apart and rarely even talk anymore let alone see each other and do anything. Just because they don't make an effort doesn't mean you shouldn't. If you really care about someone call them up and set a date to do something together.

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Late 20's/ early 30's is kind of the bermuda triangle age -- people disappear, for lots of reasons. I don't know if they're good reasons, but I think the phenomenon is pretty widespread. People have more resources for more relationships when they're younger, and more opportunities to meet. Then they kind of get locked in, choose a smaller group to be especially close to and don't bother as much with more amorphous types of socializing.

Then when they have kids, that's another big divide, as you meet people who have kids your age and those are the ones who are easiest to spend time with, kids play with each other while you talk.

I agree that you can just go ahead and fight for these relationships (don't, for example, let the fact that your friend is gorgeous impact that relationship, sounds like she could be a good friend now), but I sympathize with the fact that it just gets harder right around then.

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A thought I had when I was thirteen popped into my head as I read this. If all around you people are beating you up, don't join them. We do more damage to ourselves than they could ever do. Possible solution may be devote more time to a treasured activity. This may also supply you with new companionships that will supplant the old. As changes occur in lives you may find this an ongoing natural selection. Trying to force a return to a previous relationship may not work and hurt you even more. Leave the door open so that friends still feel comfortable returning. Use your friends here and elsewhere for optimism and support. Wish you all the best.

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Anthropologists call what you are experiencing transformations. That is your friends have acquired a new status, spouses, children, property, and a new set of priorities. People tend to avoid or reduce their interaction with people who do not share their status and priorities. It is not that they are avoiding you, it is just that their interests have gone in other directions. The mother of a friend of mine was widowed about a year ago and she found that many of the people she used to socialize were no longer around. They were still couples and she was not. As a result they no longer included her in their social activities. She held a party this past weekend and invited many of those people to try and insert herself back in that social circle.

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I'm your age(well holding on to 28 until fall), and I've seen a lot of the same. I have a friend I grew up with, known him since I was in first grade...while I've got a decent amount of friends, his only real friends in the state are myself and another guy.

Now he's going out with one of my best female friends, and since they've moved in together, I barely talk to either one. Doesn't bother me so much about the female, because that's normal, but my guy friend has completely fell of the face of the earth. Stopped returning calls, emails, ect. I finally deleted his number and could care less if I talk to him again. If their relationship fails he'll have one less friend to talk to now.

But other than that, it's definitely normal for friends to get a little more distant with other things going on, which is fine. I just try to at least keep in touch with everyone.

But not getting invited to things? That sucks. You should really try to get involved in some activities where you can just meet new people, maybe hook up with some new friends. Whatever hobbies you have, there's probably a local group for it you can find online. I haven't gotten to that point yet, but can see it happening eventually. Especially since women have kudies and I never want to marry one.

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When was the last time you had a party at your house?

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I think Bella had a thread about this same topic awhile back.

It's a dilema and I think the only thing you can do is make the effort to keep in touch. If you feel like the 5th wheel, then include another single friend when you get together with the couples. Keeping your relationships active might fall to you, but I don't think your friends are intentionally excluding you.

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I agree with Sozobe that this is normal. Many people go different ways as they form family groups. You need to find new people who are in the same situation as yourself. Join a book club or gym, start a sewing group. Learn a new craft or teach a craft. I teach workshops on things like soap making and gardening.I always end up meeting a new girlfriend from these encounters.

By the way, don't under estimate the power of a beautiful friend. They make great "bait" for man hunting. She'll always attract more men than she wants or is interested in - and who knows - maybe one of her rejected males might be perfect for you.

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Haven't read all the replies here, but I've experienced this same over the years of friends moving in and out of my life due to geographical relocations, divorces, deaths, some kind of falling out and just general movin' on to be movin' on. It's sad, in a way, and I've adopted a fatalistic view that friends, like life itself, seems to be a a constant recyling of birth and death. I agree with the sentiments expressed that you do have to work at keeping good friendships going and I deeply regret not having done my part over the years.

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Thanks for your posts, its helped to know Im not the only one its happening to.

Im more than aware that my friends are not being rude or excluding me on purpose, if I had a partner my friends wouldnt see me for ages either, but I just think they forget Im on my own and Id like to be included in things.I cant help not being part of a couple.

I have friends with kids and they are very kind at inviting me around to visit but I feel like Im turning up every weekend, emplanting myself in their garden for 2 days saying ' right, entertain me'!

Noddy-I get together with my close pals every few weeks and have a good night eating, drinking joking etc so they are the parties now.Long gone are the days of open house parties with complete starngers turning up helping themselves to cider.

GreenWitch-My gorgeous , recently single girl pal is a good friend and I dont resent her at all for having what guys are after(long legs, beauty, intelligence, good job), but Im so fed up of being second best, I dont want her cast offs, thats happened before and makes me feel like cack.My ex (mentioned in original post)only went out with me because she didnt want him anymore and he was trying to make her jealous by going out with me, it didnt work, but its still a horrid thought.
I can physically see the changes in a guys expression when they talk to me then her.A look of lust at her and a look of fear at me.

I suppose its just a case of not being able to meet new people, or people not realiseing Ive been single for ages and after the first couple of months when you realise there isnt much on offer that being single sucks,and Id like it to be understood that if someone else has recently become single id like people to think 'oh yeah, hasnt MG been single for ages, I wonder how she feels about that.I wonder if I know anyone she may be interested in'.

All this said, another pal invited me to his house this weekend for a BBQ with his gf so that is something to look forward to.
Also Ive made plans to meet up with a pal tonight(a tall blonde who has lost loads of weight, grrrrrrr)

Anyhoo, thanks for your posts again.I seem to be looking for a load of sympathy to wollow in.Hopefully Il snap myself out of this negativity soon.X,MG

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sozobe wrote:

Late 20's/ early 30's is kind of the bermuda triangle age -- people disappear, for lots of reasons. I don't know if they're good reasons, but I think the phenomenon is pretty widespread.

Yup. Pretty much. I'm 33 and I've lost a LOT of friends over the past, say, six years; especially the last three years. I always think its because these past three years were particularly rough, which meant that I closed myself off a lot and was undoubtedly less fun to be with whan I didnt. But thats not the whole story; similar things happened with some of those friends. They got a job that sucked up all their time and left them stressed, with little energy to meet up. They got a man - and then a kid. Whatever. A limited number of things - partnership, work, children - in that sequence - suck up ever more of people's time and energy when they get in their late twenties, early thirties - which means that they have to clamp down on friendship-and-acquaintance time. Sometimes ruthlessly. The circle gets narrowed, and those who are at a geographic distance, dont work in the same (line of) job, aren't in a relationship when you are (or vice versa) are the first to fall by the wayside. It sucks big time, but it seems like it happens to everyone.

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Is it different for men? I have never had a large circle of friends, but those I do have I have known since high school or even earlier and marriages or divorces have not changed that. The only problem we face is that we are all (!!!) living in different countries now, so we don't see each other often, but we do keep in frequent contact.

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They may not have disappeared forever, though, material girl. In my experience they come & go, through marriages, divorces, re-marriages, children, divorces, travel, live in other countries for a few years, return .... as I have come & gone in different friends' lives. That's just how things seem to go.

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Another thing to add to my paranoia is I have a pal that works away for months on end, when she comes back she usually hooks up with me and another pal and we go out for a drink to catch up but the last visit we didnt meet up, only her and my pal did.
Looking at the situation Ive got nothing in common with her as she travels the world, has boyfriends , and now she is getting married!!Its not like i can talk about my life in such an interesting way!!

I have a number of guy pals but they just seem to be happy drinking their time away.
I hate wasting my time

Sorry another little rant there.

I dont expect pals to stop what what they are doing, it just really sucks at times.

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Hi MG! I'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch, your posts always seem so cheery, I hate to think of you being down.

I know how you feel, my friendships seem to have drifted apart too. My best friend since grade school got married six years ago and I wasn't even dating. I don't mean I wasn't dating anyone right then, I mean we were 19 (almost twenty) and I'd never dated anyone except a couple times. So I felt completely out of my depth with her and that I had nothing of interest to say to her. Then last year she announced she was gay and got divorced, but by then we hadn't talked in more than a year and now it just seems like we're too far apart (geographically and emotionally) to ever really be close again.

But I guess I'm also kind of in the position of your other friends. Now I'm with a guy, and it's so hard to make time for work and my boy and friends. I'm really making all my friends (all two of them) sick of me. Sad

It's not on purpose, but I just don't feel close to anyone anymore. Doesn't it almost seem like sometimes friendships just have a natural limited lifespan?

Maybe it's just this time in life. Anyway, I'm sure it's nothing personal against you, it's just hard for people to make time for everything sometimes. Keep us posted on how things are going, we all care about you! ((hugs))

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Material Girl - have you considered their disappearance might be a good thing? Many people here have mentioned the fact that that time of life is transitional. Every once in a while you need to take stock and decide to keep or discard relationships. Some just aren't worth the effort. Some are damaging. And some are good. Focus on keeping the special friends you can't live without and look for new ones to fill in the gaps.

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msolga wrote:

They may not have disappeared forever, though, material girl. In my experience they come & go, through marriages, divorces, re-marriages, children, divorces, travel, they may live in other countries for a few years, return or not .... as I have come & gone in different friends' lives. That's just how things seem to go.

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Why do feel tho my friends dont like me anymore??

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