I'm not negative on your behavior with either fellow, to date.
I do think that aside from the potentially icky thicket that might occur with number two and the house, that you are best off not doing that, first, not to hurt him - I'd be disinclined to hear his protestations of sheer roommateness - but also because I can foresee you feeling quite trapped fairly shortly.
How old are you anyway? That's a bald sort of question, so I'll say I'm 63 and various other of the posters are younger and sometimes wiser.
Oh, I don't know, osso. I think you're pretty wise. In fact, I don't know if my advice here made any sense at all!
I thought your comments were clear and thoughtful, Stray. We only differed in that I am not against her having gone ahead and 'slept' with number two. People reach out and loving is good, much of the time, in my opinion. I'm among the more liberal here on that - given honesty.
As usual, osso, you make a very good point there.
This topic is getting older, and the advice and discussion has been great, so I'll just offer some scattered thoughts, if you're still on this board.
It sounds like neither guy #1 or guy #2 are the right man for you. Keep looking, he's out there somewhere!
It also sounds like you would benefit from a living arrangement with more shared expenses; I would start talking to my friends, family members, and co-workers to see if I could find a more favorable living arrangement.
You need to do what's best for you. I admire your need to look after the feelings of others, but at the end of the day, I believe that you will be happier if you have chosen your friends/career/relationships, and not having had your friends/career/relationships choose you.
Do not buy the house with guy #2. I'm not saying things should remain as they are; you need to make some changes, but that's the wrong change to make. Now, I'm a guy, and though I DO NOT think along the lines of what I'm about to tell you, I will say that if he follows the train of thought that most guys I know follow, he will mistake your moving in together and sexual past for interest. It doesn't matter what you say to him; you've had sex. Think about how that is to him; that's like if you stayed up all night talking with him, sharing your innermost desires and feelings; confessing your love to each other, etc.
Again, I must say that this is not me. I just know it to be true. Why is it not me? I just missed that day of macho-man school, I guess. And football appreciation day. I missed that, too.
-m
Thanks for the continued responses. I haven't checked in for a while because I thought the thread was done.
I appreciate all of the advice.
I've decided against buying a house with guy #2. It would be unfair to him and would lead to hard feelings on my part, I think.
Thanks again for the good advice. You people are terrific.
Thanks for the update.
Hold your dominion.
Glad to hear it, what a mess. Hope everything works out for you!
