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How much is "out of sight out of mind" a part of a successful relationship?

 
 
Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2020 03:49 am
Hello everybody,

how is this community doing?

here's my question for you people, especially the ones with long lasting relationships.

The subject of this post says it all: How much is "out of sight out of mind" a part of a successful relationship?

meaning, should a couple be truly 100% honest with each other? Is there anything you wont tell your significant other?

Here's my example... I've been in a long-term relationship, and we are truly in love with each other. And are pretty much truthful to each other as well.

However, I do find instances when I've caught my girlfriend not being 100% transparent with me.

Example: she has a problem with snacking and eating excessive cookies. She's always been in great shape (6-pack abs, toned body etc), however she sometimes over indulges and has gotten to the point of getting 10kgs heavier. Since then she's gotten right back into shape and has asked for my help whenever I see her over indulging. So we keep our house cookie free... however I've been able to catch some supermarket receipts where she buys (secretly) cookies, and stashes them in her gym bag.

This used to get me really pissed off because she's trying to hide things from me. I've confronted her on that and she says she's ashamed to admit that sometimes she slips up.

There are other small examples of this and I stopped confronting her about it. But nevertheless, it makes me really sad because I feel I'm not getting 100% of the real her... just 95%...

Should I just get used to this?

What is your input?

Thank you
 
izzythepush
 
  4  
Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2020 04:29 am
@TyrionGuy,
I think she should get rid of you. Who wants to be stuck with an obsessive control freak who scrutinises receipts for anything nice? She could do so much better.
TyrionGuy
 
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Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2020 04:31 am
@izzythepush,
#facepalm.... I'm not actively running after receipts...

I just go through them looking for promotions etc.. good point though, thank you
jespah
 
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Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2020 05:04 am
I'm with Izzy on this one. Assuming she's not a diabetic so it's not killing her, then let it go.

It is painfully minor in the grand scheme of things.
TyrionGuy
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2020 05:14 am
@jespah,
@jespah are you married or in a long-term relationship?

if so, what kind of things do you "hide" from your significant other?

Not judging, just really curious on how this works

Thank you
izzythepush
 
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Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2020 05:53 am
@TyrionGuy,
You go through her receipts, that's really creepy controlling behaviour.

She could do much better.
TyrionGuy
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2020 05:55 am
@izzythepush,
I go through all receipts
izzythepush
 
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Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2020 05:58 am
@TyrionGuy,
Which is controlling, creepy behaviour.
0 Replies
 
CoastalRat
 
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Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2020 07:46 am
@TyrionGuy,
Just to preface, my wife and I have been married for almost 38 years, so I guess that is long lasting. Neither of us, as far as I know, keep secrets from the other. But then again, if she were keeping a secret from me, I wouldn't know it. lol

But I will say that in your case, the "secret" you are concerned about should not be a big deal at all to you. Why would you get bent out of shape over her buying and eating cookies? I mean, you do see how silly that sounds, don't you?
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
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Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2020 07:56 am
@TyrionGuy,
I have been married for 27 years.

I have no idea what my husband eats for lunch. He has no idea what's in my PMs. And vice versa. That is, unless we tell each other.

Neither of us are pushing to know any of that. Would I want to know if he was suicidal? God, yes. Would he want to know if I was planning on leaving him? I'm sure he'd like a heads up on that.

We both go into it under the assumption that neither thing is happening. We feel this way because we trust each other. We trust each other to be honest and also to be straightforward if there are any problems.

These little things - and they are little (I don't mean suicidal tendencies, I mean whether someone PMs me or him, etc.) - are barely on our radar.

We both have our own selves which we can and do keep to ourselves. It doesn't all have to be 100%, 24/7 togetherness and congruity.

We don't push it and pursue it. We have other things in our lives. Do I need to know if he slew a deer downtown and ate it with fava beans and a nice Chianti for lunch? Good lord, no.

Ain't nobody got time for that.
0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
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Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2020 08:43 am
She is not at all disrespecting you. Why not try respecting her?
0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
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Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2020 10:14 am
She must love you a lot, my wife wouldn't react well at all to the intrusion you apply to your wife.

You can't trust her because you just will not trust her. The issue here is you not her.

The thing you should try is considering what good thing you would give up about her to be able to let go of whatever it is that annoys you.

If you can actually give up anything that makes her more lovable to you - anything - its too late, you've taken your relationship too far apart to fix it.

In the meantime look into what it is about yourself that makes you an untrusting individual and so angry about trivial things.
0 Replies
 
 

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