How to help brother feel better about dating?

Wed 1 Jan, 2020 01:48 pm
So my younger brother has been feeling down recently. He's been single for a while and is upset because of it. He's a good guy and has told me he just wants someone special in his life and wants to love someone. Lately he's gotten super depressed and I've noticed changes in his personality. He keeps saying he hates seeing everyone so happy with boyfriends/girlfriends (he's going to college right now) because it makes him feel lonely, and he seems to feel very hopeless about his situation because he says it seems like there's nobody out there for him. I've noticed he seems very tired and looks sad when he comes home. There's a very nice girl he met and he even got her number and she even said she'd love to go get ice cream with him but they haven't made plans or hung out yet. I know her and I think they'd be great together but she's very busy and hasn't made plans with him yet. She's fairly quiet and introverted but she's very nice. He really likes her and he feels so bad about not seeing her. I've tried talking with him and telling him to give it time but he says he just feels guilty constantly, says she probably doesn't like him because he's ugly, and feels like he's the only single person at his college and there's nobody left, and that he thinks he must be ugly and so uninteresting. He's a handsome guy and he can be very fun to be around, but he is in a dark place right now and seems to think he'll always be alone and nobody will ever wanna be with him. He thinks that since I'm his sister that I have all the answers about dating the opposite sex, but I'm struggling to help him. Is there any advice I could give to him on how to feel better about his situation, and how to not feel so bad all the time and be so negative? Thanks!
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Fri 3 Jan, 2020 08:10 am
A couple of things I can think of -- see if you can have him focus more on friendships and just participating in things that he enjoys. As you have noticed he appears gloomy - being gloomy typically does not attract people. If he is out having fun and enjoying himself you just naturally have people wanting to hang with you.

What does he like to do? It could be music, sports, gaming, outdoors? Join a club or activity at college that is centered around his interests - it is a natural way to make friends -- that often develops into girlfriend situations. In any case he will be having fun doing things with people he enjoys. This alone should raise him from being gloomy to being happy and others just naturally like to be around those that are happy and in a good place.

In others words - he needs to focus on himself and be in a good place before starting a relationship. Having a girlfriend is not necessarily going to make him happy.

My personal experience - I had been dating a guy for many years - I know I wasn't happy with the relationship so being in a relationship did not make me happy. When I finally bit the bullet and broke up - I decided to just go out and have fun, do things I enjoyed. I did not want another relationship -- well in doing so I met so many great people and had many offers of dating -- I did ultimately meet the man I am now married to. I think being you and enjoying yourself opens you up so much more than desperately just searching for someone.

Also - if you feel he is really gloomy - more than just being a bit down on himself for not having a girlfriend - his college should have counseling services that just meeting and speaking a few times could help lift him. Especially if he feels really alone there.
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