Fri 27 Dec, 2019 02:39 am
I will try to make this as short as possible. So I am a 26 (F) and I currently have a "crush" on this girl at work [28 F]. The problem is that no one including her know that I also like females. The crappy part is that I am trying to hide that part of my life and when her and another coworker and I were talking, I said, "If I could marry anyone at our work it would be so and so [male]." The thing is I just feel like she and I have this connection (which I know these feelings could be one-sided or just infatuation). I can't tell if she's just friendly or into me and one of those people who just aren't sure of themselves either. I am a really friendly person and everyone at work knows that. They give me hugs etc and know that I am not afraid of touch if that makes sense? Like how some people aren't touchy people like even touching on the shoulder. She is a nice person too and from time to time I see coworkers hugging her also. I never really paid much attention to her until recently and I just started to develop these feelings of attraction the more we worked together since we almost had opposite schedules.
So these are the reasons why I believe she is into me. She makes jokes like, "Oh now you get to spend more time with me!" when we are doing something together. Whenever I am walking towards her general desk area I try not to look at her but when I pass by I can see in the corner of my eye she will look at me as I walk by. The last time we were in a conversation with a group of people, she was standing across from me and we were talking and I had my head turned towards our coworker who was talking and I could see again in the corner of my eye her glancing at me when I would talk and not talk. Usually the desk next to mine isn't used and from time to time coworkers will sit next to me to talk while we do work because I just am friendly and am friends with everyone at work. And she will generally choose to sit at the computer across from me or the computer next to me. And sometimes she says things like, "I'll just sit here so I can sit next to you." And sometimes people will call me to help and she says things like, "Every time I want to talk to you or I'm on my break you're always busy!" When she is on break she will eat and then spend the last few minutes talking to me or sitting next to me. I feel like we look at each other from time to time even though I try not to. Lastly, there are times were I will be standing randomly talking to friends or just reading my bulletin board and she will come by and rest her arm on my shoulder or put her arm around me since she is taller, which I don't see her doing with anyone else. But there are times I try to pay attention to what's going on and she is friendly to others but I feel like we joke around the most together. Sometimes she'll ask me to help her set up a room when she clearly is capable of doing it on her own since she is actually really smart and productive. I just feel like she wouldn't ask me to help her if she didn't want to spend time with me and at the time she wasn't busy.
I am a hopeless romantic and I feel like I am reading too much into these signs because all of a sudden I developed an attraction and stronger friendship with her. But I also feel like because I'm essentially hiding my orientation and because I said I would marry so and so now I've ruined the possibility. But ever since I said that statement nothing has changed and she's still being friendly with me. I just don't know what to think of it and I've done all possible social media research and she doesn't post anything and there's no evidence of any of her past relationships. When I casually asked what she was looking for in someone she said, "I want somebody who knows how to cook." Didn't say, "I need a guy" or "I need a girl." And of course to my luck, I can't cook for sh*t (lol). I don't want to ask and be too creepy either and ruin our friendship. Am I overthinking this or can I have hope there's something there? Thanks all in advance.
I think you're overthinking what is likely a friendship and nothing more.
You need to get involved with the local LGBT community, that way you can be yourself and meet someone similar.