A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the
morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a
moment, and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and
hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast
is clear'."
> Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
pavement and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
She hands it to the second blonde.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
> A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out
and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she
opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the
blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
A blonde brags about her knowledge of American state capitals. She
proudly says, "Go ahead; ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy -- 'W'."
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch. "Wow!"
the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was
trampled on by an elephant! Are you OK, ma'am?"
"Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he
surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was
driving along this road, when from out of nowhere this tree popped up
in front of me, so I swerved to the right, and there was another tree!
I swerved to the left and there was another tree! I swerved to the
right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...."
"Uh, madam," the officer said, cutting her off as he looked inside the
car, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles, that was your
air-freshener swinging back and forth."
Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she had
been robbed. She telephoned the police at once and reported the cime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9
unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer
approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on
the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat
down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all
my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman!"
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is -- an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said. "Three flats tires means three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices crisp bacon."
"Oh, Okay!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up..."
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen
im guessing this is for blonde jokes?
a blonde walks up to horse and mounts it. the blonde hasnt had any experince with riding horses so she was really nervous. after a little while, the horse begins to move and goes into a slow trot. after a couple minutes, the horses begins to pick up speed. soon the horse is at a full gallop, and the blonde is extremly nervous. she soon begins to slip off the sadle and before she knows it, shes on the side of the horse. shes tries the grab the grab horses mane, but the mane is too slippery, and she cant get a hold of it. soon , shes only being held on by foot, which is caught stirrup, and her head is banging against the ground. as she begins to lose conciousness (sp?
)
the Wal-Mart manager comes and turns off the machine.
don't worry, revo.
the spelling pedants don't come to the jokes forum -- they're too busy battling it out over in the english forum...
A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!"
Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly."
Back in the Vaudeville days, a ventriloquist sat on stage with his dummy on his knee, and began telling blond jokes--when up jumps a blond, mad as hell. She starts telling the guy off, how sick she is of the blond jokes, ect. . . .
Hey Lady, its just some jokes . . .
You keep outta this, i was talkin' to your little friend there . . .
Guy walks in to a bar, has a cold one, and then, feeling expansive and friendly, he asks the bartender: "Hey Buddy, wanna hear a bond joke?"
"Now wait just a minute--i'm a blond, the bouncer is a blond, his buddy is a blond, and we're all body-builders. Are you sure you wanna tell that joke?"
"Nah, you gotta point . . . i wouldn't want to have to explain it three times."
Three women work as bookkeepers in an accounting department, a brunette, a redhead and a blonde. Their supervisor is a stunning, raven-haired beauty. She has all three of them over to her house for a cookout one weekend, with their husbands and families. Suddenly, about a week later, she starts disappearing every Friday--she doesn't come back from lunch.
Finally, the brunette says: "You know, she leaves for lunch every Friday and doesn't return--I say we all take the afternoon off."
"Good idea," say the redhead, "she'll never know, and we're doing her work anyway."
So they all take off. The blonde goes home, excited with playing hookey, and runs upstairs to change, and see if her husband is home. But she hears strange sounds, so she quietly walks up to the bedroom door, which is slightly ajar, and sees her supervisor making wild, passionate love to her husband. She quietly backs out, and goes to a friends house.
The following Friday, the redhead says: "I had a great time last week, i went to the beach with the kids, called my husband who joined us there, and we made a weekend of it--let's do it again!"
The brunette says: "My hubby and i rushed the kids off to grandma, and had a special weekend up in the mountains, just the two of us. I say we do it again--how about you Blondie?"
"No way, i'm not doin' that again--last week, i almost got caught!"
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.
