I'm bisexual and I'm lost

Reply Wed 4 Dec, 2019 06:08 am
Hello, I'm new here, this is going to be awkward.

I'm a girl (22) who has been in two relations with other girls, the first one started great and ended up really bad, we dated for 2 years, after a few months she would hurt me, manipulate me, isolate me from my friends, humiliate me, cheat on me, and blame me for her problems just for fun, I was there because I thought she loved me and that was what love was, and it turns out it was just sex, we kept on having sex after we broke up on a few rare occasions and I basically wanted to hurt her physically while having sex and it turns out she liked it rough, a real freak.

The second girl I loved, I blame myself for our relationship not to work, I was damaged, I didn't know how a relationship was supposed to be, she had trust issues because she dated a guy before me who broke on her to go back with his ex, she used to tell me that I was going to do the same (which I wasn't planning on doing), we only dated for about six months, she was a lot more attractive than my first girlfriend, but she didn't feel that way and didn't believe me when I told her how hot she was, we never had sex, but we made out a lot and it was really intense.

I'm dating a guy now, he is 30, we been dating for 4 months and I really like him, I really do, I think I love him, he is sweet, tall, strong and handsome, with a soft voice and really pretty hands, we make out, I want to be with him, a lot, but I'm scared the sex is going to hurt, so we just masturbate each other and have oral sex and I'm not even sure if I'm doing right because it takes a lot of time for him to have and orgasm somethings he has to help me or he won't finish.

I feel like I'm failing on him sexually, I think sex is really important in a relationship and I want him to be happy with me.

Any advice you can give me is really appreciated.

Is masturbation and oral sex enough for a man who has had sex before?

Could I be doing something wrong ? I never masturbated or performed oral sex on a man before.

Does sex hurt? specially the first time.
Reply Wed 4 Dec, 2019 06:45 am
If this guy is a lovely as you say he is, then he will work with you to make your first experience as easy as possible. The first time didn't hurt for me, and I am not just some outlier. I think women and girls are sold a bill of goods that sex will hurt when they get started, in a misguided effort to make them put off their first time. Yes, people should put off their first time until they are mature enough to handle the consequences if things go wrong, not due to overly exaggerated pain.

That having been said, it's not impossible to feel pain the first time. Communication is key. Good people of any gender or sexuality who truly care about each other will not try to hurt each other.

Talk to your fellow about what he needs and wants, and about what you need and want, not us.
Reply Wed 4 Dec, 2019 07:12 am
I just want to be sure he is really enjoying what we do, he is so nice with me that sometimes I feel like he doesn't want me to feel embarrased about how bad and inexperienced I am.
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Reply Wed 4 Dec, 2019 11:01 am
Does he know you are a virgin? (never been with a man) If he does he should know you need to be well lubricated and take it slow to begin. Tell him to please go slow. Unless you are not lubricated properly or he is very well endowed it will be uncomfortable but a "good" feeling and turn to pleasure soon after. I have never had a virgin but am bigger than average so this is where my experience comes from. The females with limited experience I had to go slow with. As far as the oral sex I have only orgasmed 2 times out of several hundred but still really enjoy it. Don't worry about if it is right or wrong, just ask him. It is a turn on if a woman focuses on you and says things like "how do you prefer it" or "do you like when I do that" try different things, squeeze his testicles (gently) squeeze and pull down on the shaft to tighten the skin up top, it makes it more sensitive. pay attention to friction and pressure on the front part where there is a little v where the head and shaft meet. A lot of nerve endings right there. We all learn what we do and don't like by trying. Also, when he does things you like tell him, moan louder, say "I like that" If he is really into you he will want to please you and listen. Communication is the best sexual technique you can use.
Reply Wed 4 Dec, 2019 12:30 pm
I didn't tell him I'm a virgin, he didn't ask me, if he had asked such question I don't think I would be telling the truth if I said I'm a virgin, I don't feel like a virgin, plus I don't want to lie to him, so......

His penis is at least 5 fingers thick, so I guess he is well endowed? IDK, any advice on that?

From what you are telling me it looks like it's really difficult to make a guy have an orgasm with oral sex, so I guess we gonna have to have real sex or he won't get any real satisfaction.

Did I get that right?
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Reply Mon 6 Jul, 2020 02:14 pm
Is sex sore? Really shouldn't be, unless the sizes of your respective vaginas (entrance or length, but consider also vaginismus which 90% of sufferers don't know or even suspect they have)... Five fingers thick? That sounds to me like unnaturally large and I would, had I a vagona of a size I have seen before, expect that to be very sore, virgin or not, and quite possibly enough to tear tissue unless you have the deepest, widest and most elastic vagina I have EVER come across!!
The FIRST M/F sexual experience is, obviously, the time pain is most likely. I recall the Love of my Life (a woman, 21, virgin) whose first time was interrupted several times (and my penis is almost average size/girth according to the textbooks - girth unknown, length when erect 14.8cm...) by fear of the sheer amount of blood from the vaginal entrance - tearing of the hymen - and the associated pain, which in her seemed very intense, and which event lost its penetrative nature, ending with an orgasm gained through my tongue (which she found at first frightening but as I gently stimulated her hood and especially frenum & surrounding bit of the glans - which was very large and therefore easier for me to relate to my penis - she calmed down almost like she'd taken a Xanax, and this relaxation led to her first orgasm. Before this (she was a very devout Episcopal Anglo-Catholic with heavier "guilt" even than the Romans!) and despite going through puberty VERY early - just after her 8th birthday - had never masturbated; she had felt her erect clit through her panties/pyjamas a luple of times but as soon as that pre-orgasmic pleasure started, she would freak and stop touching herself immediately.
That's a background I hope you relate to.. I am not only bisexual, having had my first serious sexual relationships at around 13 at the all-boys' boarding school I attended (I still get very excited at the memory of one of the beautiful boys 2 yrs below me who had the second-best sexual touch I ever had; the best was only 4 months back, and she was - according to her and everyone who knew her in this town - lesbian, full stop!
That relationship proved to me without doubt that gays and lesbians are definitely a lot better at sex than straights. Not one of my straight relationships ever gave me the feelings as she did, or indeed my schoolfriend. He may have been an extremely sexually precocious 12 year old (he has now been married 30 odd years & has four gorgeous kids between 10 and 24... Shannon on the other hand remains lesbian and sometimes gets in touch (at dreadfully unfortunate times) to ask if she can stay over (OMG as if I'd refuse - she has the most lovely tiny titties and (when she hasn't used a razor) adorable sparse "peach fuzz" - she has now turned 18...
Here's the rub.
I have always thought I was born with the WRONG genitals. I feel, and have done since I was (as I recall) about 5 or 6, that I was a Girl and at so many junctures in my life, that's been very painful. I think identifying as bisexual - more recently after reading an interview with Christine (the Queens - Heloise) PANsexual. However, Shybigirl, embarrassment is NOTHING compared to the HELL you go through when most of the potential partners you may love to have more than a nice wee chat with are not available for you and your sexuality, and, what's more, could even affect your life, your reputation etc in your local area - living in a relatively small (60,000) place now after the amazing, tolerant and lovely city of Edinburgh, and as a practicing Anglo-Catholic (Episcopalian) there are perhaps more LGBT-friendly Churches than anywhere else I have found. May I mention two Parishes in particular? The wonderful St Michael and All Saints, & Old St Paul's - both extremely historic and ver traditional, almost like pre Vatican II RC Parishes which - if they survived - now operate in shadowy realms outwith Vatican control but retaining their Tridentine traditions and closer links to the Catholic Wing of the Church of England and Scottish Episcopal Church. I assume from several clues that you're American, the ECUSA is (despite its early moves towards female Deacons, Priests and Bishops) in fact less Liberal theologically on the whole.
I note your opinion on "rough" sex. I agree. I am not a fan, I am into very gentle stimulation and approaching orgasm by increases in speed and (without getting rough in the least!) pressure - as I (who has, unfortunately, a penis) do myself when masturbating using my lubricated fingers circularly on my frenum and the bottom of my glans, switching for a couple of secs to the shaft - in other words, my m. Asturbatjon is almost totally analogous to a girl's, which ma. aybe explains why my current favourite partners are very young lesbians whom I can convince to have sex with an unreconstructed "male" whose sexuality is cloudy but who believes he should be female and, what's more, a bisexual in the wrong body with an 80 % leaning, despite physiology, towards Lesbianism. So far I have met (all online, 2 from USA, 2 from Sweden and one from Cambodia) a total of only SEVEN people who share all my leanings. Am I really that rare? I see it may have been right to be circumspect with my sexuality. Only 2 people, both lesbians and both of whom I have slept with, know my story. I mean, of those I know in person, here.
You are 22. Yes, it is old in terms of sexual maturity but I have known but one female of 13 who was both sexually AND psychologically mature enough to have adult relationships. In this country. We have the 2nd highest age of Consent in Europe - 16, only Ireland is higher - but it is widely ignored. And a lot of folks (for appearance's sake?) get all hot and bothered about "paedophilia" without even understanding the concept! It means somebody who (male or female) are sexually attracted to children who are BELOW the age of puberty, which in anybody's book isn't right at all. You are not physically ready to have sex in general till your body gets to Tanner Stage 3. (Roughly over 13 or 14, as most laws state.)
Recently, thanks to being seduced and given the best sex of my life by these three, could be described as hebephiliac or, more accurately, Ephebophiliac - that is, sexually Mature folk between, say, 14 and 20, which is generally perfectly legal and, certainly in females, at the peak of their sexual prowess. Boys reach that state a couple of years later. Say, 16 minimum but still clumsy and largely uneducated about female responses until 20 at least!
Finally I get to the question - are you FAILING this guy zexually?
Now if you haven't discussed it together, there's a problem. Instead you come onto the forum. Oh yeah, smart - you will get others' stories (like mine) & a lotta decent advice, but I learned years back that there is no substitute for F2F talks when it comes to your sex life with someone (gender irrelevant unless you feel you have made a wrong gender choice) whom you THINK you are in love with. And that's a very hard thing to be certain of, trust me.. You ask if masturbation (mutual? Or is he selfish?) and Oral Sex is "enough".
I find both to be beautiful, as long as you educate your partner CONSTANTLY until it's 2nd nature, as to exactly what "does it" for you. And vice versa. Penetrative sex is entirely different in terms of pleasure - I prefer, with a female, that she goes on top - that's the only way you can ensure that you get your clitoris (make sure it isn't dry!) to align exactly with the male public bone (it's known as TRIBBING) and YOU do most of the moving, ensuring constant clitoral contact, and therefore controlling your own sexual stimulation. Trust me, guys (well, me!) love being f*cked from above with your rhythm (male and female orgasm come at the same wave-rate of time, forgotten the precise gap between orgasmic waves...) and of course it's best for YOU too!
Look, as a very screwed up person with serious gender issues but a very good understanding of sexual practicalities and psychology, I hope you find something in here to help you. You may even, if you reply, be able to help me, and maybe even fill me in on the odd random question.
I will keep hold of your screen name in case I need you!
Best of luck. Best pleasure WITHOUT any worries or paranoia. Let us just enjoy our best eroticism! ♥️

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