Tue 3 Dec, 2019 02:53 am
I will try to keep this short but it might be difficult, any advice would be much appreciated.
So I grew up with a pretty controlling single parent, father, who controlled many aspects of my life one of which was my friendships.
During late middle school/early high school, I became quite close to a kid because we were in advanced classes together, lets call him T. So T and I became close friends over the course of two years and then my father started a company with T's father, lets call him, A. And my father and A decided to move this company to Utah, of course my father now wanted me to start online school so that I could travel with him since I could not stay in this town alone.
I tried a few online courses and ended up really struggling to stay on top of them...controlling father didn't like that...so he started to threaten that he would send me to military boarding school because I could not stay ahead in this course - 4.0 student, three+ years ahead in schooling. Well now A decided that T should start online school through the school were we both went. Finally father got so angry with me that he sent me to A's house to live with T, mother and younger brother for three months.
Sure father was still controlling but T and the rest of his family were super kind and I felt more free.
Ended up having a bad run in with someone who I thought I could trust at school and when my father learned of it, he claimed he was so sorry it happened. Two days later when he showed up from UT, he started saying it was all my fault. So he whisks me away back to UT. I start living a hell that continued for two years - life = breakfast and school until 11pm sometimes I would even be forced to pull all-nighters. Due to the fact the company was not set up, we would sleep either in the office or in a trailer, me, my father and A.
AKA extremely awkward for a teenager.
So as time continues A, stops being as productive, dad becomes more controlling and finally abusive, and A ignores it all even though he sees it. The only salvation was if he brought T. T finally reports it to the school where it is ignored.
My father tired of me and sent me to my grandmother. A year and a half later he learns A has stolen two million dollars from the company and has refused to fix it and disappeared. Away from T, his wife and younger son. My father now has to work odd jobs to pay back this debt that is not his own.
As soon as I have to move back with my father, he says I can no longer communicate with any of my friends from said town including T.
Now a year later, I have no friends (not by choice), my father has moved on to a new girlfriend who has kids and has left me to start college early, we barely communicate. 6 months ago, I started having major health issues that will leave me disabled in the long term and I would really like a semblance of normality back, I would like to reach back out to T.
But I would not like to incur the wrath of dad or have T blame whatever happened between A and my father on me. Do you have any advice on how to maybe rekindle this friendship without making things worse?
You over 18 yet?
If you're about to start college, I would venture to say that you're close if not there yet.
Over 18 = adult. Adults can befriend whoever they damned well please.
You also have a right to privacy. So contact your pal privately (FB message, Twitter DM, phone call). Say hi and that you miss his friendship and hope you can start over.
In the meantime, if I were you, and I know you didn't ask about this, but I will tell you anyway-- get together your exit strategy. The sooner you stop living with your father and being financially dependent on him, the better.
Do you have any adults in your life you can ask for help? Grandfather, uncle? Referral from Dr.? You really do need to get some guidance about your long term needs.
Don’t be surprised if your friend is prohibited from being in contact with you, considering the situation and his controlling father.
Thank you for your reply.
I just turned 17. So not quite there yet.
I am excited to turn 18. I am financially dependent on everything except for medical bills.
As for an exit strategy, I will be starting on one today.
Thanks for your feedback. Yes I do have a medical team. The only adult that I have in my life currently is my grandmother. I have a good hold on my long term needs with some of my therapists, its just kind of life changing to start a day normal and end it not so normal.
A was actually never controlling just kind of dumb except for the stealing money part. I had to help T with school for two years because he wouldn't stop playing video games but I will definitely be careful when going to start a chat with him to be wary of that.