My wife doesn't think she feels the way a wife should for he

As much as would have loved to have a child with my wife you are 100 percent correct. A child does not need to be subjected to something like this.

You know we have been separated for 10 days now and it seems that my wife has completely closed me out of her life. She doesn't even speak with me about anything, and she avoids me. When I met her at the mall to pick up a laptop for a graduation gift for one of our friends daughters HS graduation she seemed fine and then turned to stone. Our friend asked her how it went and my wife replied it was "strained". At this point and time my entire body is numb and my blood pressure has gone up 20 points. It feels a.

Well, at least she's not still pretending everything's fine! That's something!

Call your counselor about your health status, and see a doctor if the counselor recommends it.

Otherwise, hang on for a few more days until your joint counseling session. You'll probably learn a lot then. At least it will be a start.

I don't know what happened to the rest of my text after the crying symbols but I wanted to say that while I was typing my wife called me at work and told me that our friends daughter's boyfriend got into an accident and broke a couple of ribs and that she (our friends daughter) was upset. Then she asked me if she was going to see me tomorrow at the graduation party in a tone that sounded like she was looking forward too seeing me. I'm confused she wants her space, under the advice of the marriage counselors and at her request I moved out and live only three miles from where she is. She never calls me until today. This is like being stuck on the Tower of Terror at Disney with my emotions going up and then taking a free fall.

Now i get another call from my wife telling me that our friends daughters boyfriend has to go into surgery to have his spleen removed. I don't know what is going on between us or whats happening. It seems like she closed me out but now she's calling me with this. If we could only read a persons mind at times like this maybe we could make sense of what is happening to us in our lives. I gave up smoking eleven years ago for my wife and now I'm back to a pack a day with all this stress.
I've heard that if it doesn't kill you it will only make you stronger. Well I hope that what is happening between my wife and I only brings us back together again stronger than we ever where and I thought we had a strong marriage. What I'm saying is that I placed my wife above and beyond everyone and anything and she has always gone above and beyond what I feel a wife should do for her husband. It's so hard going home at the end of the day to an empty house after being with the one person you gave your heart and soul too. From the day I told my wife I Loved her I felt like we where always one person connected through our souls. I hope you can understand what I'm saying. Our connection has been nothing but amazing during our lives together, and I can't remember ANY TIME in my where I was happier than that of the day I said I LOVE YOU for the first time to my wife. When I said those words to her as I was looking into her eyes I could swear I was looking right into her soul. I sometimes wonder was I wrong in asking is there something wrong between us. What would have happened if I didn't ask her? Was it the right thing to do or the wrong thing to do? I only hope that this marriage counseling will work, does it work or help??? Only if I could find the answers, only if there was some magic way of fixing everything for us and everyone else who goes through this time of anxiety.

Wife doesn't think she feels way a wife should for husband
Well I went to the graduation party and my wife was very quiet and sat with me for about 10 minuets and then went to the front of the house to sit with another crowd. It seems like she is running away from me. When I go to my friends house she comes over and says hi hangs out for about 10 or 15 minuets and then bolts back into our house. What is going on with her I only wish I knew. I hope she can open up a little at the marriage consoler on the 30th. Has anyone had any experience with marriage counseling? Does it work or is a waste of time?

It can be a great HELP, Lost. A good counselor will help you both think through things clearly so you can make good decisions about what you want. They will facilitate helpful communication, and they should also let you both know when you're off base.

If you don't think you're getting anywhere after a few sessions, try a different counselor.

she's probably cheating
I don't mean to scare you but I have recently gone through the same thing that you are experiencing almost word for word. Including my friends and family saying that she would never have an affair. Well we were all wrong!! After being distant together for about a year and ultimatley separating for six months because she said she needed some space to figure things out. I found out that she had been having an affair for quite some time with a married man. I know I am a bit jaded but my advice to you is hire an investigator and find out the truth. I waited too long and now I am in the middle of a year long very nasty divorce. We also have an 11 year old child so that does not make things any easier.
Good luck!!!!

She Wants a Divorce
Well today my wife wanted to ask me a couple of things and I asked her if my being out of the house has helpped her think things out. She replied I still feel the same way. She denies that she is in Love with someone else or that she has had an afair. I asked her if she wants a divorce and she said I think so, but when I went to give her my wedding band she wont take it. She was crying and verry upset. I think she is still going to go to the therapy session but I don't think she is going to talk about her feelings and the causes. Well for now it looks like we are going to go down the road to a divorce.

Re: She Wants a Divorce
I feel she is involved with someone else who is having marital problems and he is taking advantage of our situation to buffer his own by lining himself up to be with my wife just to use her and then throw her aside. Does this make any sense????? I hate the thought that my wife would even let herself fall into that trap. I truly think she is in a state of emotional turmoil and doesn't even know what she wants. But I did let her know that I'm 110 percent behind her if she wants to work on this. At this point and time I think she needs the consoler more than I do, and I told her that only because she said she is going to the session to help me through this. Sound confusing, it is.

Hang in there, L. Counseling is tomorrow, no?

Eva,

My wife is so confused and I don't even know if she will take advantage of the counseling today (6/30/05) but I will let you all know how it goes. I know she is hiding something from me and has lied about things. If she would only open up and tell the truth we will both move forward with our marriage. She knows me or at least I thought she knows me as a kind and forgiving compassionate and caring person, why wont she just open up and talk to me? I guess I'll find out latter today.

She might not be hiding anything per se -- she might genuinely not know, and need some space to figure it out.

Good luck.

You know what makes this whole thing even more confusing. I've been a cop for 21 years and interviewed hundreds of people and you know when they are lying to you and you see the same body language in your wife that you see in a suspect when they lie. It kills me to even think she is lying to me when beleive it or not I have always been open and truthful with her. I've even told her no matter what has or hasn't happened I can forgive you and that there is nothing in a marriage that can't be fixed. Then you get the feeling that she doesn't know if she's coming or going like someone who's emotions are being played by another person to cause total kayos and torment in her mind. If I find out that she is being played by another guy I pitty him if I get ahold of him.

Even if she's lying, it might not be that kind of lying. She can be thinking things that she doesn't want to say until she's thought it through more thoroughly. I know what you mean about reading people, I do that too (I'm deaf and need to, have gotten very good at it), but the category of "saying something other than what one is thinking" is not always nefarious.

Well last night we went to see the counselor together. My wife says she has thought about our situation for TWO YEARS and she now wants a divorce. Nice that she never said anything about her feelings and I guess it took me two years to see something was wrong. She wants to stay FRIENDS I guess I can do that after all she is the only true Love I ever had in my life and the happiest time in my entire life was with her. Now to try and move on with my life after having everything we built up together ripped away from me and my heart torn out and stomped on. Time to go lick my wounds and heal and then maybe I can move on at 42 years of age.

Lets say after sitting here at work it is really setting in now and to put it mildly I'm DEVASTATED

Breakup
Lost,

I too am going through exactly the same thing as you (except that i've only been married 2 years). My wife & I fought extensively during my recent deployment to Iraq & upon my return she told me that she wants to separate (implying an eventual divorce). I'm completely confused at the moment & have plans to move out in 2 weeks from our house into an apartment 30 miles away from her.

I read your posts and it sounded very similar to how I am feeling, proceeding, etc., but my wife doesn't want to even try to work things out and won't see a counselor with me. I feel like my soul is being stepped upon & is suffocating. I thought upon my return from Iraq we would start a family & take things to the next level. All my remarried friends tell me that I'm lucky this is happening now & without children, but I don't feel too lucky right now (as I'm sure you don't either).

Your last post was 2 weeks ago, how are things going now?

Re: Breakup

Things are going good for me as far as my well being. I've continued with the counseling on my own and it is the best thing you can do for yourself. My counselor confirmed what I knew about my wife having an affair, and she informed me that my wife has a lot of psychological problems but has put a wall up around herself and wont let anyone in to help her. Just remember this very important advice "Don't blame yourself for what is happening. You are the one who has held out your hand to work on your marriage and she has pulled away". Again it sounds like the problem is with her not you. Take care of yourself. It's not easy at first but keep yourself surrounded by your friends. During the course of what your going through your going to go through many stages of emotions - (A feeling of tremendous loss, Depression, Anger, Hate, Sympathy for your spouse but you will be much stronger at this point and will continue on with your life). My wife's fantasy world is now beginning to crumble as I had her served with the divorce papers instead of waiting around. I didn't hold any punches regarding her affair and our place of employment is doing an investigation regarding her activities with her subordanant.
I don't know if your a religious person but I found prayer is good for the soul at a time like this. Just hang in there and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!
I will tell you one thing the minuet I moved out my wife was completely manipulated by her lover and pulled away to live in her world of infatuation. If your wife is having an affair odds are it wont last long. Out of 100 persons who have an affair 4 of them wind up in a marriage that doesn't last. The remaining either wind up in a divorce or they forgive their spouse and repair the damage. Good Luck

Well yesterday (07/20/05) I finally got closure to my situation. I accidently came across the vehicle owned by the person whom I suspected my wife was having an affair with. I sat in the woods for an hour with a camera and along she came with him in her car. The two of them began going at it like to love sick teenagers and I just started snapping pictures as I walked up to the car. The look on their faces was priceless. Once again even after that I extended my hand to my wife and offered forgiveness if she gets help. Him on the other hand I'm at a dilemma, do I tell his wife? They have a one year old child and she has not been emotionally well off since the birth of the child. Do I show her the pictures? Anyone have any suggestions?