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Why I feel like a 100% straight guy yet have sex with men...

 
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sat 30 Nov, 2019 08:07 pm
@chai2,
Alright, how about a complete stranger telling you how you came across, and whether or not they personally would respond to such?

Quote:
Honestly? It’s really annoying for a complete stranger to tell me my thoughts.
Didn't you make a judgement about another's thoughts at the start of this thread? That you didn't say anything immediately to the OP doesn't change that - you eventually did say what you believe he was doing. You appear happy to do that for him, but not for someone to do that for you. But this is the thing about communication - it's as much about the receiver as the sender, but you appear to not want to acknowledge that when it comes to telling you how your posts came across.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sat 30 Nov, 2019 08:30 pm
@vikorr,
I have read and reread this last post of yours at least 7 times, and sorry (not being sarcastic), I cannot make heads or tails of it.

What does
"Alright, how about a complete stranger telling you how you came across, and whether or not they personally would respond to such?"
even mean?

Especially when I just said "Honestly? It’s really annoying for a complete stranger to tell me my thoughts."

How a stranger, in this case you, feels about how I come across in any matter, or whether you would respond, is absolutely none of my business.

"Didn't you make a judgement about another's thoughts at the start of this thread?"

No. I asked What Difference Does It Make?
Pure and simple.

If I had thought reading the initial post that this person was serious, my response would have been exactly the same. What difference does it make?

That is me telling you what my thoughts were. You don't get to tell me what I meant, or that I would have said something different if this, that or the other.

Apparantly how I come across to you is not pleasant for you. That's something you need to work with, not me. You have many choices other than telling me how I should think and speak that involve you alone.

I think it interesting that you on the other hand don't apply the same standards to yourself in how, let's say, I, or others preceived you responses. That's good, because however I preceive what you say is my responsibility, not yours.

You seem, just as a for instance, and I'm not going to debate this, that your describing a bell curve would be taken as helpful. What if the reason the OP didn't come back to respond was because of that, and not something I or anyone else said?

Had you given any thought to how that may have come across?

This last question isn't an invitation for a response, but of course that's your decision.



vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sat 30 Nov, 2019 09:03 pm
@chai2,
Quote:
What does
"Alright, how about a complete stranger telling you how you came across, and whether or not they personally would respond to such?"
even mean?
You said you don't want a stranger telling you what you are thinking. The above means that I told you how your 2 original replies came across in my view, and also that had I been a stranger writing my first OP in A2K and you wrote like that, that I would not respond to you either.

vikorr wrote:
"Didn't you make a judgement about another's thoughts at the start of this thread?"
chai2 wrote:
No. I asked What Difference Does It Make? Pure and simple.
This is not correct - here are your judgements:
chai2 wrote:
From the first reading, I definitely got the impression this was some writing a “Penthouse Forum” type of thing. Especially with all the allusions to how varied his sexual life is.

So yes, I feel he indeed Did come across that way. I’m glad GB brought that up.

I felt the response of “is that all you have to offer” was aimed at getting people started in discussing what he wanted. Sexual exploits.

I’m fairly sure he went on to find someplace where someone immediately started offering potential solutions without seeking out exactly why he was looking for answers. That way he could get into specifics on his sex life, real or imagined, feeding off whatever they said.
So you do make judgements about how other people think, beyond what they write. But you don't like other people telling you how your writing came across.

Quote:
Apparantly how I come across to you is not pleasant for you. That's something you need to work with, not me. You have many choices other than telling me how I should think and speak that involve you alone.
As a correction 'how you came across'. If you don't get that communication is about both the sender and the receiver, then it is not surprising that your writing can tend towards abrasiveness.

Quote:
You seem, just as a for instance, and I'm not going to debate this, that your describing a bell curve would be taken as helpful. What if the reason the OP didn't come back to respond was because of that, and not something I or anyone else said?
Other than I wasn't the one using the non reply of the OP to justify my position - I've no issue with that. We can offer things for people seeking help to look into - as it does explain the question he asked, but you can't force someone to look into it.
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Dec, 2019 12:37 am
@vikorr,
Vikorr,

I saw this response from Maxadonaca:

quote="danzibar"]
Is that the best you can offer?
[/quote]

I agree with Chai. If you are having fulfilling sex, then why does the label matter?

If you really want a label, I would classify you as a cis-male femmephilic pansexual.


[/quote]

I'm posting this because Max seems to have a good no-nonsense response, plus he agrees with Chai. I also notice the OP doesn't respond after Max's response. In my way of thinking, the OP is satisfied with Max's no-nonsense response.......or he was disappointed that no one shared any juicy stories with him and decided to split.

0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Dec, 2019 12:44 am
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:

danzibar wrote:

Is that the best you can offer?


I agree with Chai. If you are having fulfilling sex, then why does the label matter?

If you really want a label, I would classify you as a cis-male femmephilic pansexual.




I agree with Max oil this one.
Carljohnson5467
 
  -1  
Reply Sun 1 Dec, 2019 07:21 am
@vikorr,
Yes because while talking to girls a man can hesitate but with talking to a man he will not hesitate it's because of same gender. Some man who are bisexual can do 100% straight sex with men.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Dec, 2019 08:46 am
@glitterbag,
I don't, if I were to apply a label it would be self centred and needy.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Dec, 2019 11:57 am
@izzythepush,
You are both right. I was using the term "cis-male" in the literal sense. In Latín the term means "selfish and needy".
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Dec, 2019 03:41 pm
Just to clarify the 'label' suggested by another member to wit : "If you really want a label, I would classify you as a cis-male femmephilic pansexual." is not mine, I didn't invent it, hell, I don't even know what it means.

I only brought it up because it seemed like at least an attempt to provide an answer to the OP. Especially since Chai started to catch so much flack for suggesting to the OP that (loosely paraphrased)suggested 'why worry, you're happy with the life you have, go with god' . I know that's not exactly what she said in her answer, that's just how I interpreted her comment.

((If I'm wrong, Chai will correct me, I won't get upset and I don't think she gets upset. Not every time someone corrects you means it's a challenges, most of the time it's just a clarification))))

chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Dec, 2019 06:19 pm
@glitterbag,
Oh, I don't consider what I got flack.

I just consider the source.


And yeah, your interpretation is accurate.
0 Replies
 
NSFW (view)
Docluvin171
 
  -2  
Reply Sun 23 Aug, 2020 10:30 pm
I definitely understand what your saying!! I want girl in my life but when I parTy, immediately I want another Cock to play with
0 Replies
 
christhequestionguy
 
  0  
Reply Thu 10 Sep, 2020 03:53 pm
@danzibar,
Hi, I believe that I can help you. I studied this in college because I found it fascinating. Please understand it is not the experiences of sexual encounters with men or the confusion of it that I found fascination it is the resolve.

The resolve is that we live in a world that is labeled and the more we rally against these labels the more we are given. The only label that I believe that a human need placed on them, is that which is identifying. Such as a name, yet due to control and other misguided social constructs we consciously and subconsciously live in a world, self-guided by labels.

From just the information that you have provided, I do not believe that you are anything other than a heterosexual male. With only guessing, due to lack of information. I would have to say the lack of interest with your wife, probably stems more from guilt you have obtained from not understanding your own mind and body.

Below is my unprofessional opinion and I hope that it does provide you with the answers in which you seek.

I do not believe that you are anything less or more than a heterosexual man. I will give you the advice my professor gave to me many years ago and I still give to my clients, friends and family. It starts off with a question. And the answer is for you and it doesn’t matter to me what it is. Could you ever see yourself spending time with a man in a relationship? Kissing, hand holding, and living together? I am going to guess that the answer is no. Okay, there you go, you are not, gay or bi.-sexual. Because being gay or bi has nothing to do with gay sex. I dated a man who was 100% gay but hated the idea of Anal sex and would have no part of it! He was still gay, if your penis was shot off, would that make you no longer a heterosexual man? So, there is that.

About these desires, this tells me that you are a lot more open with yourself than you are giving yourself credit for. It took me twenty years to get there. We have to understand that sex is not about orgasms, it is about using our bodies to connect with another human. To be able to enjoy each other’s body and to do things to each other we would never do in public. I am not straight, so there are many things I have not done that straight men have. So, let me ask you, where you ever in a department store, in the mattress section and see an attractive female sales associate and did she come over to you and did you begin having sex with her? Although that would be a really cool role play, in real life no you didn’t. Now if this woman and yourself decided to have sex, you would go somewhere private with her. You would be touching her entire body, putting your fingers inside of her, touching and grabbing her breaste, putting you mouth on her breastes and your tounge inside of her vagina. You would want these woman to suck on your penis and tlaid naked and possibly pulling her hair and then sticking your penis inside of her many times until your orgasmed and possible orgased inside of her.In pubic, in a department store, in the mattress section, this would not be acceptable. Walking up to a stranger that you did not know and begining to have sex with her, would not be acceptable either. However, with both consent in private those rules all change. This is all acceptable behavior in the act of sexual relationships.

So just because we want something doesn’t mean it is wrong, it doesn’t mean that we are something that we are not. If a couple is having great sex, trust me, they are doing something different. Costume’s, role play, S/M, something or all it. And if we discover these desires about ourselves after we have gotten with this spouse. We are often very scared we will be judged or left or many other fears, if our spouse finds out. However, our minds and our subconscious are kind of have a sick sense of humor and the partner we picked is usually in to what we are. My partner was very excited when I mentioned the things, I discovered about myself I wanted to try and we had AMAZING sex after that. Doing things and experiencing things I didn’t think was possible.

It sounds to me that you have some unexplored fetishes and I would be very curious if you had anal sex with a woman dressed up as a man and a woman. I would also explore the type of transsexuals you are in to. Which maybe your fetish is trans, and that is okay. But maybe it is what they represent to you. I knew of a guy who had an abusive husband, so he worked it out by having a dominate relationship with is next partner. A lot cheaper and more fun than therapy!

So, if I understand correctly, you are still married and live with your wife. I would for one, find yourself a therapist. Not that there is anything wrong with you. Just a person who can be constant and help you to understand your desires and to help you have a set down conversation with your wife. See how she feels and see if she would be interested in dressing up for you OR she may be very interested in having a man for you and her to share. That could be hot as far as I am concerned.

I have seen many-many relationships with what some people might call weird. I say if they can make selves happy, it is no one else’s business than their own.

I hope this very wordy explanation was helpful and you got the answers that you were seeking.
0 Replies
 
 

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