How Many _____ Does It Take To Screw In a Light Bulb?

How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one.
But the the lightbulb must WANT to change.

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Q. How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Hey, let's go ride our bikes!

Q. How many weird kids from the Matrix does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. There is no lightbulb. It is not the lightbulb that changes, but you.

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Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a
light bulb?

A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; it's condition is
improving every day. Any reports of it's lack of incandescence are
totally unfounded, and the result of delusional "spin" assaults from the
fanatic, elitist, liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably,
and anything you say undermines the lighting effect and dims it's ego.
Why do you hate freedom?

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how many freemasons does it take to change a lightbulb?

i can't tell you, it's a secret!

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How many lord of the rings Elfs does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three:

one will aim his bow out of the windows shooting an arrow that will hit a tree, bounce back in , hit a chair, turn off the light switch, and bounce again several times before switching the light back on

Meanwhile the second will lightly and nimbly jump on chairs, tables and walls in the room just to find himself flying in the position to remove the the bulb and screw in the new one during the black out period

The last one will thoughtfully contemplate the whole scene and comment "A new light shines on the west!"

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Good ones Raphaellon, Intrepid, Eamonn! Razz

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

100, 1 to place the bulb in, 99 to spin the ceiling around.

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And for a bit of self-referential going on ...

Quote:

LESSON IN POSTING

How many group posters does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

53 to flame the spell checkers

41 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...

another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"

109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb group

203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb group about changing light bulbs be stopped

111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

12 to post to the group that the! They will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three" and "I Love your Lightbulb!!"

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ

44 to ask what is a "FAQ"

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again...

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Heheheheeheehee....!!!

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NIMH!!!!!! Giggle....

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Q. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

A. We are not sure yet, but assume one would be sufficient. We asked one to change a bulb for us. Let's take a look and see how she did.

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no they always have to do it together... (like going to the bathroom)

How many Country singers does it take to change a lightbulb?

-4 One to change it and the other three to sing about how they missed the old one.

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How many "real men" does it take to change a lightbulb?
-None, because "real men" aren't afraid of the dark.

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Hahaha, just got the bug one a couple of pages earlier......couldn't be bothered fiding it again tho.....

That's a goodie, dry.

EDIT:

Quote:

squinney wrote:

How many bugs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2, but I have no idea how the heck they got in there.

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How many Gods does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Gods don't change light bulbs. That's a human task.
But there's nothing to stop any of them shouting, "Let there be light" at the right moment and claiming all the credit.

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How many of your moms does it take to screw in a lightbulb???

I dont know
LOL

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THA DON 777 wrote:

How many of your moms does it take to screw in a lightbulb???

I dont know
LOL

wow don u were really bored wernt u......wait a minute im here too...WTF

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Q. How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?

A1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid
burned out bulb?

A2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not
up to code.

A3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

A4. Rottweiler: Make me.

A5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

A6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can
I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

A7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from
the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one
more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of
the situation.

A8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the
walls and furniture.

A9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light
bulb?

A10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the
dark.

A11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

A12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...

A13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

A14. New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a
little cluster...

A15. Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do
it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light
bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect
some light, some dinner, and a massage?"

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.

Laughing

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Kehoe, the dogs changing lightbulbs is one of my favorites.

Q. How many Floridians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Don't know for sure, they're still counting.

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patiodog wrote:

How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

You don't KNOW, man, because you weren't THERE!

***

How many female folksingers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three -- one to climb the ladder and put it in, one to look up her dress, and one to write a song about it.

***

How many deadheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. When a bulb burns out, they just follow it around the country for twenty years.

u no wat man u sayin that vietnam vets r crybabies but u dont no how hard it was because u werent there man

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How Many _____ Does It Take To Screw In a Light Bulb?

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