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Sat 18 Jun, 2005 07:51 am
The ol' how many does it take...
I'll get us started.
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Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the* **#*&%!*** light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS!! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry. What was the question?
Awww quit yer bellyachin' and get me a beer.
BBB
How many A2Kers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
how many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
...
depends on how thinly you slice them.
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
FOUR HUNDRED AND SIXTY-TWO...
Twelve to investigate Clinton's involvement in the failure of the old bulb, twenty-three to deregulate the light bulb industry, sixteen to cut funding for alternative lighting R&D, thirty-four to cut the tax rate on light bulbs, fifty-three to design a block grant so the states can change the bulb, forty-one to talk with defense contractors about night-vision gear instead, and two hundred and eighty-three to pass a law making it illegal to discuss naked bulbs (or screwing anything) on the Internet.
How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Don't bother, I'll just sit in the dark.
How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
You don't KNOW, man, because you weren't THERE!
***
How many female folksingers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three -- one to climb the ladder and put it in, one to look up her dress, and one to write a song about it.
***
How many deadheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. When a bulb burns out, they just follow it around the country for twenty years.
That was inspired, Intrepid!
LOL! ...Don't bother, I'll just sit in the dark.
Seems to work for Italian mothers, too, since I read it with Tony Saprono's mom in my mind.
Yes it does like her.....
I loved the way she would say "I don't know what you're talkin' about"
now THAT was MY mother, 100%
sheesh
My husband was the 10th of 11 children.
They weren't rich, but they always had enough food.
Kirk says EVERY supper when the platters of food were orbiting the table, his mother would say....
"Oh don't worry about me, I'll just have a crust of bread......."
so Jehovah Witness moms were on the guilt train too.
I wonder what Hindu mothers say?
How many kids with attention deficit does it take to change a light bulb?
Hey, let's go ride our bikes!
How many teamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
TEN!! YA GOTTA PROBLEM WITH THAT?????
A little off theme:
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?...
No one knows, it's never been done.
(They probably wouldn't put it on right anyway.)
How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, it's a hardware problem.
And, one of my favorites:
How many bugs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2, but I have no idea how the heck they got in there.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: A fish.
How many spoiled kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they'd just sit there and cry about it.
I just found this....
How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to replace a light bulb?
The Answer is TEN:
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed.
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed.
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb.
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness.
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb.
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner "Bulb Accomplished."
7. One administration insider to resign and in detail reveal how Bush was literally "in the dark" the whole time.
8. One to viciously smear #7.
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along.
10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.
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