I'm A Wild Woman

O.K.!!! I just called the police!!! And reported.....there's nothing happening on my street!!!

Then I hung up!!

Woo Hoo!! (running thru living room, into kitchen, and back into living room)...I'M A WILD WOMAN!!! AND I LOVE IT!!

A policeman caught me going 45 in a 35 MPH speed zone today and...get this...gave me a warning ticket!!!

I'm bad, I tell you! BAD!

I had the house to myself tonight, so instead of fixing myself another salad, I decided to...(hang on tight here, folks)...break my lo-carb diet.

I picked up my car keys, drove to the drive-in, ordered a cheeseburger...with bacon!...hold the damn lettuce...AND onion rings...AND...(gasp!)...a chocolate malt!!! That's about a month's worth of carbs for me!

I drove home, got a bottle of ketchup out of the refrigerator, piled everything in the middle of my king-size bed, plugged in a movie, and pigged out.

God, was that good!

I am going straight to hell, I tell ya.

Two glasses of wine!

Stray, the first step is admitting you have a problem.

I'm somewhat of a nonconformist myself. I'm sorry, but I'm not a robot. And so I am not going to wipe my ass everytime I take a dump because "mommy" told me too. How long will we be opressed by the misguided "wisdom" of our elders? How long will we be slaves to toilet paper?

That's right, I don't wipe my ass. Mabye that freaks you out, but mabye I don't want to be a square. Or have people come within five feet of me.

Great story Eva! And you're right, Garagmel, why conform? Those elders are a pain in the butt. So what better way to get back at them than ignoring their "wipe-your-butt" rule?

I went to the store yesterday, and everytime I passed a man I called out, "Hi, George!!! How ya doin?"

You should have seen the confused look on their faces. They couldn't decide if they should correct me, or just play along and pretend to be "George."

God!! I love causing mayhem!!!

Look out! I may be coming to your neighborhood soon!