Glad to hear that you have had a reconcilliation, LMF. I understand that though we want a relationship to be a 50/50 proposition, often, one person (you, in this case) has to give more. Expect and demand that at some point your husband will give more.
Even better news to hear that you've had some time to enjoy yourself before your new job. Life is too short to spend it in a drama.
Best wishes to you. I hope that you will give us a report on the book BorisKitten recommended. Often seeing something in print that you KNOW to be true helps validate it for yourself. Looking forward to more good news from you.
i am happy to write this. Please read on.
Last evening my friend came over with her son and she stayed back for dinner. Work was piling high in the kitchen. By the time we finished our dinner and I put my son to sleep it was 10:30. I easily had 1 more hour of work to finish. I was getting irritated my husband was not offering to help out and was coolly watching TV. Any time earlier than this I would have gotten mad. But yesterday I did behave myself.
I asked him, if he could help me by keeping a watch on our "Already Sleeping" son. My son gets up from sleep and searches for me, hindering my work. If someone is next to him he does not get up. My husband agreed to be next to him until I finished my work. What a relief. and I appreciated his helping out so much.
After my work was over, I called my husband in the living room and we both watched TV together, while i told him how much I appreciated his helping out. He felt like such a good husband. I felt like such a good wife myself.
So 2 improvements:
1. I did not get worked up
2. I communicated well.
I am so proud that I wanted to share with all of you. I still have a long way to go in this communication thing, but the start is awesome.Thanks you all.
Oh, that's wonderful to hear, LoveMyFamily!
It's so easy to fall into that "my partner should read my mind" place... I think Everyone does it at some point or another. But you spoke up, and asked for help, and got it!
It can be kinda hard to speak up in the first place, but if we can force ourselves to express patience and understanding, we often find the same thing being expressed in return.
I'm happy for you! You listened to advice, you changed your part in the marital dance, and he changed his part to match. Ah, joy! If you keep at it, one conversation at a time, things are bound to be better for all of you.
Thanks for letting us know... you made my day a little brighter!
BorrisKitten, I have the book now and I am going through the 2nd chapter. It was amazing.. Not that the author is saying anything new. I guess every married couple knows these problems but somehow we tend to forget these things when the need really arises. After the "key in the mud" incident, that I mentioned and even before I got the book, I was focussing on my behaviour. And this book is helping me even more to focus in the right direction.
I cannot thank you enough for suggesting this book.
It's going quite well between the two of us. My husband works late hours and I am generally back home on time. So I am making sure, once he returns we do something together. Could be anything.. like reading the newspaper together or going for a walk or watching TV or talking about how it was at work.
This is not how it used to be before. I used to be so tired all the time taking care of house, family and work, that most of the time I would be in bed by the time he returned. I get tired even now, but I guess it's a minor compensation for what I get in return. He seems to be more cheerful now and more willing to share the responsibilities at home.
It's too soon to predict that this is how it will continue to be. But I feel, if I can keep up my attitude there is nothing stopping him from keeping his.
So glad to hear it, LoveMyFamily!
The book's Speaker-Listener technique gives astonishing results, and we still use it, years after reading the book.
It's so easy to forget to talk, to just spend quiet time together, but it's the very stuff marriages are made of.
I'm so happy for you!
