She needs time to think after the first time sex?

I respond to this on the feud thread.

https://able2know.org/topic/529563-3#post-6896193

Where it will remain unread, (by me at least.) I've already told you I'm having no part in your vanity exercise.

And I'm not that bothered in your response, you'll only deny it. It's what you always do.

That's OK Izzy.

The feud thread isn't for you. It is about you.

It's about you. All of your threads, and most of your posts are.

When I read the "this has never happened before" in your initial post, I thought she meant a guy has never had difficulties with sex with her before.

Just leave her alone for her to do whatever she's going to do, or not going to.

If she's not interested, don't try to make her spell it out to you, not necessarily about the sex, but that she's just not into you.

If she is interested, she'll contact you.

Pretty simple really.

I don't think the two sides on the issue are very far apart. It is either give up now or send one more message and then give up if there isn't a positive response.

My personal philosophy is that asking directly for what you want is healthy (as long as you let it go after that). Communication is a good thing. One more message after some time saying "I really liked you and wish this could work" is not out of line. We all agree that if someone persists after that it becomes harrassment.

I am curious about the sex. I don't believe that most people would end a promising relationship after one time having mediocre sex (unless something horrible happened). The first time having sex with a new partner is often a little awkward (although this sometimes is enjoyable). A sexual relationship is something that you build with a partner and hopefully it gets better each time.

I suspect the issue is a question about whether the relationship would work. I doubt the sex is part of it. Am I wrong?

A "promising relationship," no. But this was two dates. It wasn't any kind of relationship yet. You go on a date, you go on another date and have sex, you didn't feel good about it, you move on to find other people to date. "Promising relationship" doesn't even come into it yet.

(And I'm saying this as someone who had a "too clingy too soon" episode or two in younger years, and learned the hard way.)

Time for another story unrelated except in a roundabout way to the thread!

Years ago, when I was working.

I was reading some website of a local person, and was interested in getting more information. So without much thought I sent a message with my contact info. (It was a legit person)

After doing that, I did some further research on the subject and realized this service/person was not what I was looking for. Forgot about it while working. I honestly can't remember what it was I was needing at the time, but it was pretty obvious I had contacted the wrong place. It was like if I called a plant nursery when I was really looking for nursery furniture for children. My bad.

Shortly after, I answered my work phone, and it was this person. I thanked him for calling but that it turns out I needed something different. Note: This was for an entirely personal, non work related matter. In fact, what I had called him about wasn't even something a business would use or need.

Oh my god, this guy just wouldn't give up! Even after I told him (relating to my example) I was really looking for rose bushes and not for a hand made crib, he just wouldn't stop with the questions as to why I wouldn't use him, and what didn't I understand about what he did, etc. Anyway, the conversation eventually ended with him more or less warning me that I would be contacting him again he was sure, and he wasn't so sure he would help me then.

A little later, I heard another call go through to my bosses line, and her VM picked up. She was out of the office like 75% of the time, so I was always checking her VM's for her.

When I went to listen to it, it was this guy again. He must have noted the company name when I answered the phone, looked us up, called one of the clinics, and somehow got someone to give him bosses direct line.

The call was crazy. He was trying to cover up the purpose of the call (badly) with introducing himself and what he offered, and for her to please call him about a matter he wanted to discuss.

Delete.

Like he was going to tell her to reprimand me for not using him.

I can kinda relate this to dating, approaching someone, etc. and this "being nice" thing.

I can only speak for women in this case. We've all had someone make a pass at us, flirt etc., and for whatever reason, weren't interested. Then, when politely letting the person know you just didn't want to talk or whatever, you get this....."Bitch" from them.

I'll be honest, that hasn't happened to me for years, as I've been married a long time. When it did, you learn to just ignore it, or for whatever reason, you get into it with the person.

If that happened to me today, like someone being nice, charming, etc. but when I declined the opportunity to talk (because hey, just because you want to talk to me, doesn't obligate me in any way), called me a bitch, my response would be, "Wow, I'm very glad now I let you know I didn't want to talk to you, now that I've found out what you're really like."

I mean, thanks for the heads up, right?

Kind of like this thread....

I am moving on.