I am involved with a man who is seeing another woman

He's lying and is playing you for a fool.

He wants to have his cake and eat it by having 2 women in his life.

Dont play games.Dump him, yes itl hurt but he shouldnt be such a player.
He cant be a nice guy if he decided to go out with you when he was already seeing another woman.

Dont waste anymore time with him anymore, get someone decent.

Well, if you don't mind standing in line for your man,
then go ahead and continue.

If it were me, I would not accept it, period.

I tell myself that everyday. i just don't know how to walk away. Should I confront this other woman about the things shes been doing to me and if I do and she asks me if we are still seeing each other do I tell her?

How do I walk away and make him realize I am serious this time?

I am just so confused..

T

Just walk away. None of the rest of it... just walk away.

He'll realize you're serious when you are serious.

He is not going to change--he likes his love life just the way it is.

Are you going to change? You aren't happy with the way things are, but you are the only person who can change your life.

walk fast and walk far. it's the best thing you can do for yourself.

Let me see if I have this right...

This "great" guy..
Doesn't want a committed relationship but doesn't wany you seeing anyone else.
Tells you he is going to do something, like break off with this other woman, but never does.
doesn't want to hurt you or this other woman so continues with both of you knowing each of you is feeling hurt and being hurt.
when he found out the other woman has been having you called and tormented he runs right out to wait for a few days (or weeks or how about a couple more years) to confront her about it.



I think that is pretty much a given based on how he has treated you so far.

Its one thing to unexpectedly find yourself in a situation with 2 women. It something completely different to keep it going for 3 years. (not to mention the 3 years before he divorced and you showed up.) The fact that he continues it and that you feel like you are losing your mind when not seeing him tells me he is a controlling b******.

I'm a guy and I can admire him for having the balls to treat you both the way he does but most women I know would have cut them off for him by now.

(The above should in no way be taken as meaning you can't have relationships with more than one person at a time as long as you are honest about it.)

Hurting...I hope you do not see him as suffering from his "ethical" desire not to hurt either one of you. He is being profoundly UNethical and manipulative.
You are doing yourself a great disservice in avoiding the pain you'll suffer by leaving him. You owe yourself the HEALTHY pain of leaving an UNHEALTHY relationship, which, by the way, is also painful.
Grow up and choose the pains of personal growth.

Three years is a hell of a long time to allow yourself to be played for a fool. As long as he can have both of you, he will have both of you.

I can't believe you're worried, if you tell the OTHER WOMAN that he's still seeing you, that HE will be mad at you.

Get rid of the LOSER. Most women would have done it right away. You're a glutton for punishment.

Re: I am involved with a man who is seeing another woman


One, or both of you, has an odd definition of friend - let alone best friend.

Let me go on record as not being absolutely against relationships with more than one person at a time, as long as people are honest in not leading the individuals on.

However - this situation seems almost a storybook example of manipulation and its discontents.


Get a grip on yourself and move on...

Re: I am involved with a man who is seeing another woman


Yes, quite possible that this fella loves you and his other girl in his unethical and manipulative way. He has been with her longer and adores her devotion to him. He loves you for allowing him to do what he wants without commitment, without honesty, without following through on what he says he's going to do. Just because the word love is involved doesn't make it right or healthy for you.




A part of you is missing right now; where is your self-respect? You will sleep and you will eat again. The bad feelings are from your heart and brain trying to get back in touch with you. In fact, you are an emotional zombie who is miserable. You may be addicted to this guy but you can break free. You need to or you'll be miserable for the rest of your life.




I personally don't think he'll do much either. This is sick. It's a nasty crowd you've become associated with... please don't let things go any further. What you had your friend in Law Enforcement do was wrong and he or she could be fired if caught. You're losing your sense of reality and proportion here. You think you're going to give any of these people enough guilt to do the right thing? You're deluding yourself.




Surely you've heard the song? Let me find the lyrics:

The problem is all inside your head
She said to me
The answer is easy if you
Take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle
To be free
There must be fifty ways
To leave your lover

She said it's really not my habit
To intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning
Won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself
At the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways
To leave your lover

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

She said it grieves me so
To see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do
To make you smile again
I said I appreciate that
And would you please explain
About the fifty ways to leave your lover.




No. Don't call her or confront her. That is a terrible mistake.



Funny how it goes both ways in everything except fidelity. You must leave him, surely you see that?



And you've answered your own question... it won't do any good. It will make things worse and tie you closer to this morass of pain.



You leave. You leave as quickly as possible. You don't look back and you don't take him back ever. He will be the ruin of you, guaranteed. You have one life and somewhere waiting for you is a person who will love you as you want to be loved. You need to be ready and available for that person because you don't know when you'll meet.

You'll have a month... two months of sheer emotional agony. Luckily it is the summer and you can have fun while being miserable. Live with that and realize that you have the rest of your life to begin again. You are running late right now. This was all a mistake and you know it, you probably knew it when you first found out about the other woman -- which is when you should have left. Your boyfriend knows it too. A guy who does this has no respect for women. He's a selfish bastard and the sooner you take the blinders off and see him for what he is, the quicker you can start the healing process.


And here is one way you can ensure you're on the right track. Tell this story to yourself but pretend it is your daughter telling it to you. What advice would you give her?

Thank you, Piffka, for your clarity.

Thanks, Osso. I don't have much use for men like this boyfriend.

Mostly I'm gratified that a2k left the word bastard in... it fits so well and wouldn't be nearly as effective as b***.

I hope "HurtingLover" realizes that sometimes the truth hurts but not as much as living a lie.

Hurtinglover, speaking from experience, I can say with confidence that when we stay with someone who does not really meet our healthy and legitimate needs it is not reallly because of our attraction to that person; it is because our self-esteem is too low. We think that our only option is to be with that toxic person or to be alone. Nonsense! Give yourself the privilege and right to find someone who will appreciate, love, and respect you. But keep in mind that you must appreciate, love and respect yourself before you'll let that happen.

Hurtinglover--

He says he loves you both, but he loves himself best of all.

If there were only one seat in the lifeboat he'd pre-empt that seat for himself rather than choose between you.

Thank You
Wow. I have to say I am amazed. I found this site by accident yesterday and I feel like I have so many new friends suddenly.

Its funny but I have said all these things to myself a thousand times. he was gone for about 6 months and I felt like I had my strength back, but when he came home I just melted. (He was gone to serve in Iraqi Freedom). I was so thankful for him being here.

Yesterday something happened. He called me when I got off work. He had confronted her because she had made him made. He asked me for the number of my friend who helped me. I told him I would ask and see what they said. I knew that what they did, I couldnt' risk letting them loose thier job and career for trying to help me put an end to the constant torment and pain. Now my boyfriend says he needs proof or he has to give her the benefit of the doubt.

It made me realize right that he had talked directly to the lady who was doing this and she told him why she was doing it. Now he wants all this proof. It just made me open my eyes and realize, he's either not man enough to stand up to her or he just doesn't want to. Either way I am tired and exahusted from fighting.

I decided not to call her, because I knew if I did it would only be because I would be hoping for a way to let her know he was still seeing me. Then I would be no different than she was having this person call me. She has always denied anything she has ever done and he just buys it and keeps going. You would never know they were not married with the way they act.

I don't want to be a part of it and I am walking away. I don't want anyone else but I do want to find out who I am once again. All my strength is gone, all my self confidance is gone. I wouldnt' be good for anyone like this.

Thank you all be expecting more posts as I am sure I will be miserable.

T

Ggod for you, hurtinglover. Posts here seem to come in two broad groups -- those who already know what they need to do and just need a little kick in the rear, and people who know what they need to do but just can't bring themselves to do it. Glad you're in the first group.