My mom thinks it’s just a phase?

Forums: Relationships, Help, Family, Sexuality, Mother
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So I came out to my mom a few months ago, telling her that I’m bisexual. She responded with the expected: “ Are you sure you’re not just confused, are you sure, you shouldn’t feel pressured into feeling this way, etc.” And I get it, she’s concerned, she’s my mom. I totally get it. I’m a teen.

But then she acts like it’s a phase that I’m eventually gonna grow out of. When I told her I wanted to get an undercut haircut, she asked, “is it because you feel like you have to because you feel like you’re bisexual?” (No, I’ve wanted this haircut ever since I saw Marceline on Adventure Time) And I recently purchased a sticker that has the bisexual logo on it. Her reaction was: “ Just don’t put it anywhere people can see it.”

And I feel like she’s trying to make me feel bad about my sexuality, even though I know she’s not intentionally doing it. She acts like I can help who I like, even though I can’t. I don’t even know what made her so sure that I was straight, since I had never told her about any crushes I’ve ever had, male or female.

And then there’s my friends. I had come out to them a year before I came out to her, because I knew that they’re very open minded people and I trust them with anything and everything. Is it wrong to say I don’t feel the same way about my mom?

Anyway, I really don’t know what to do. Whenever she says something that I find offensive or insulting about my sexuality or others sexualities, I feel really mad or like I want to go cry. I know she probably doesn’t mean to make me feel like this, but whenever I bring it up she gets defensive and dismissive. She claims she isn’t a homophobe, but I don’t know if that same anti-homophone feeling extends to me.

I really don’t know what else to try. I don’t like feeling like I’m complaining, but I feel like this is important, and don’t know where else to go for advice. I don’t want to say anything about this to my friends, because I don’t want them to worry or anything.

Please help?

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Type: Question • Score: 7 • Views: 1,819 • Replies: 17

@LovelyandTrying,

As far as your mum is concerned this is all very new, it just happened two months ago. I know this has been going on a lot longer than that, but from her perspective it's all new and she's still trying to come to terms with it.

Time does change people's attitudes and perspectives, all teenagers have trouble with their parents, even 100% straight teenagers who do well at sports and academic studies.

You'll have a better idea when you get to the end of your school career, either she will have accepted you or it'll still be a problem. By then you'll be old enough to move out and you'll know if you want to.

I'm straight, but I moved out the first opportunity I got, I just don't see eye to eye with my dad. Even now I can't spend more than a couple of hours in his company.

My son is transgender, he's 27 and still lives at home with me and his brother.

People are all different, but things have a habit of working themselves out.

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Perhaps your mother doesn’t feel that you have enough experience to declare a sexual preference right now. That’ why she may be using the word “phase” because there may be a lot of same sex crushes and then opposite sex crushes during the teens. She may not see the reason why you need to declare anything about this subject to anyone except yourself.

The haircut has nothing to do with anyone’s sexual preference. It’s more of a fashion thing. (There is a lot of upkeep to it, though, that you mught want to consider.)

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A teen does not know anything about sexuality. By the time you are 25 or so you will know a little bit. You simply are not taught anything by the people who were supposed to teach you. That is why you are latching onto wacky trends. Yes, I know, you think you know everything. I thought I knew everything once. After a while I began to realize that my parents were a lot smarter than I used to think. My advice: don't do anything permanent. No tattoos, no babies, no shouting insults at relatives who don't understand. Just live for ten more years. Your "phase" will be over by then.

1 Reply

@Jewels Vern,

Really?

1 Reply

@Ragman,

As a general rule of thumb it's safe to assume JV is talking out of his arse. It doesn't matter whether you're talking science, arts, religion, grammar or anything his response remains inanely flatulent.

1 Reply

@izzythepush,

Remember this thought: the more time he spends online here, the less time he spends out in the real world doing it harm. So as we enlighten occupy and entertain him here, we are taking one for the team.

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@Ragman,

You're such a sweetheart!

1 Reply

@Ragman,

I try to waste as much time as possible when the scammers call.....if I can distract them for 15 minutes, that's 15 minutes they don't have to fleece others.

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@Jewels Vern,

He is, I've met him, we had a good day out together.

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@glitterbag,

Last week I was at The New Forest Show with my youngest. There was a lovely donkey very amenable to being stroked. All went well until some old woman told us that not only was the donkey lovely he was just like the one Jesus rode.

We left the tent.

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@izzythepush,

Intentional or not, that was funny.

1 Reply

@roger,

Thank you, I do try.

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@izzythepush,

Wow! She really was old.

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@izzythepush,

Re the donkey:Priceless humor.

Yup, Izzy...getting together during our visit to London was fun. Your family is great. I actually used the transit system successfully. Something has to be done about those steps, at that Covent Garden station, though.

1 Reply

@Ragman,

They've put lifts in. Those steps will stay because they're a talking point.

You could have hopped on a lift you know, you were the one who shot up the stairs without hesitation.

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@izzythepush,

That’s because I’m a half a bubble off plumb. The line to get on the elevator was too long and temperatures hot and just way too sweaty. Of course I nearly died halfway up the stairs but those details right important.

1 Reply

@Ragman,

I just found climbing over all those corpses a bit too much. That's what happens when you get rid of the Cockney corpse catchers.

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My mom thinks it’s just a phase?

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