How Can I Make This Relationship Work ?

All of us were teens - there is no one here who doesn't understand your point of view. But you haven't perspective to understand ours. That is what adolescence, teenage years are for, to me - a time to get to know yourself well, so that when you do mesh with a long time or lifetime partner, you are an adult with self knowledge and very deep capacity to love.

You are just beginning - that is the news - to live in the wash of sexual want and teary emotion and strong jealousy and growing sense of yourself as a woman. A cool guy pays attention - I remember myself having a crush on a 22 yr old who was going for his music doctorate - I thought he was the most wonderful person in the world.

This is part of development of judgement and emotion. And it is why most of us frown on your dear 24 year old. If he has matured at all himself, he is taking extreme advantage of you.
If he is thirteen in his own emotions, he is not good for you.
In any case, he is way outside the law, at least in the US.

I am not railing against you loving him and letting him go.
I am very against your loving him and messing yourself up in a very useless way.

None of us are mad at you, but we have more hope for a long good life for you than I think you can imagine right now.

You -are- a child. Don't ever forget how young you are.
You're dating someone twice your age, that could go to prison if he does anything with you, and ALWAYS have that on his record for the rest of his life.
This *could* ruin his life, and ruin yours in turn from the emotional damage and guilt you will feel later. Let it go, let him go. LET IT GO. Give him 5 years, for both of your sanity.

If he is your "true love", you will still love him in 5 years, and he will still love you. If he is not, don't be surprised, just move on.

This relationship is imaginable to him dating someone young enough to be his child... dear, please think twice about that. If he does anything with you he's a pedophile, and that's not even being mean, it's telling the absolute truth

If he's waited two years because he couldn't find any one he liked enough, he can wait five.

If you love him so much, in five years you can go after him, even if in the meantime he's been with other people.

You can wait, and if you guys love each other, then it will be worth it. It isn't that big of an age difference, IF you wait for a few years. When you're 18 and he's... umm...adding...29, your emotional needs will be more similar than now at 13 and 24. It sucks to wait, but just talk on the phone or something 'til then. Be pals. It's tough, but it's do-able--- trust me, i've been there

i'm sorry jesfre if we sound like we are coming down on you. Like i said before, don't let this man ruin your life. It would not be YOU ruining your own, it would be HIM. We were all equally inexperienced and nieve about love at some point in our lives. Some of us were taken advantage of, some of us were not. I just want you to be carefull with this guy. Don't let him take advantage.

I think somebody already said it. There is nothing wrong about how you are feeling. Having feelings for somebody older is not wrong. We all had crushes on our teachers or other older friends when we were young. it's up to older more experienced people to be the responsible ones. This guy needs a beatdown for even thinking about being with you. Who cares about ruining his life! I wish somebody would find about you guys so he does get arrested.

And me, I think I may need to start a thread on what love is.

who, me?

agggh, not me.
but it needs to be done.


shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, here goes. Will give a link.

I do get what you are all saying please understand that. Its just so hard to let go. It would also be very hard to be friends with someone that I have such strong feelings for. I do believe he would wait for me its just I can't see waiting that long to be with the person I love it just seems like such a long wait. So what everyone is saying is that in 5 years the age difference will be ok and we would be able to have a relationship together ? Also if anyone found out about us now could he still go to prison even though the only thing we have done is kissed ?

Any sort of sexual behavior on his part towards you counts. Kissing included.

In 5 years the age difference will be better. IMO not ok since the difference in mentality of an 18 year old and a 29 year old is still way out there but much better than where you are at now. Legally though, yes 5 years makes all the difference.

Jesfre- in five years this guy will dump you because he is not into women- he is into little girls. You will be an old lady to him when you are 18 and he will be looking around for new baby flesh.

Good comment, Green Witch. I agree with you entirely.

I too, think that there is something wrong with this guy. No normal 24 year old goes for 13 year old girls.

If 24 year old man seeks to "date" a thirteen year old girl - he is a pedophile. That is why we have laws against it.

Letting Go and Being Legal

Dear Jesfre,
My heart aches for you because I know that feelings of love can be very strong, no matter what the age. But ANY romance between you two is illegal, and that is an unchangeable fact. It sounds like you already know what you need to do, which is to let go completely, because you just wrote that it is very hard to be "just" friends with someone you love, which is actually a very mature realization that some people never achieve even when they are older. I think that out of the two of you, you are the most mature even though he is older. It is sad that you are having to make the decision to put a stop to the relationship, when it should really be on his 24 yr old shoulders. But go on with your life until you are of legal age, and then see if the spark is still there if you choose to get together with him again then. Letting go is really hard, but that will be a true sign of the maturity of your love. My heart goes out to you... I hope this helps.

think of it this way ... do you really want to take a 29 year old guy to your senior prom ?

He will be the same age as most of your high school teachers.

Just don't have any kind of sexual relationship with the guy and you should be ok (no kissing, no touching, no real action, nothing).

I'm a former chicago SCERT (South Chicago Emergency Responce Team) member and one of the high risk warrents we specialized in is pedophiles.

Listen to me very carefully since I have been in this business for years. This man is highly dangerous to you, you have to get away from him. I garuantee you he will be outraged when you tell him and possibly hostile. He has a strong mental problem. You maybe in more trouble then you realize. You may need help to get rid of this guy.

This guy is passing up older, fully developed women both physically and mentally for a 13yr old. The reason we have these laws is because you can easily be decieved by such a flatering complement as he is (24 dating a 13 yr old makes you feel mature). He is manipulating you, he is into children. You need to get away and notify the proper authorites.

For your own saftey. Please at least notify a parent.

no I will not get him in trouble for caring about me but I am going to let go. I feel that if it is true love then in 5 years I will be able to go back to him. I love him enough to do that for him. I really do care about this and I realize this is going to be torture on me but I have to do it for him. I appreciate you guys helping me through this even though I still don't really understand the whole situation. ^_^ Wish the best for me because I believe this is going to be a very long process

Good luck, jesfre.
Take very good care of yourself.

Good luck and well done jesfre

You're a sensible girl and have made a far more mature decision than most girls your age would

xxx

Even though i think this guy is a child molester. If the guy can wait 5 years without any physical contact and not cheat on you with other 13 year old girls then you might have something. good luck

Thank you all very much its been very hard because I broke up with him today and he started to cry and he made me feel terrible because i hate hurting him. I feel awful and all I have done is sat and cried but I know eventually it will be better ^_^ I hope so anyway