How Can I Make This Relationship Work ?

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ok here's my problem I am 13 years old and the guy I am dating is 24. The only people that know we are dating is me, him my sister and her husband thats is. My mom would never accept the fact that we are dating actually she would probably kill me but the thing is I Love him. I have never felt like this over anyone before. He really cares about me too. He first started liking me about a year ago whenever we were all camping but at the time I had a boyfriend so he just told my sister that he liked me and really wanted to date me but he told her not to tell me because he didn't want to start any trouble. I also started liking him at that time but yeah you know the age difference scared me away from my feelings towards him and I know what your thinking he's probably just after sex but your wrong there because he hasn't had sex in 2 years because he hasn't found anyone he really liked enough. He's not the type of guy that goes out and just has sex with people or uses people. I know he would never cheat on me just because he's not like that. He's also best friends with my sisters husband and they have known each other for Years. I am really confused though because he told me he has a lot of feelings for me and that the age difference between us doesn't matter to him as long as it didn't bother me and it doesn't. The only thing that bothers me about the relationship is that I can't see him when I want to and I can't tell anyone about us. The only time I can see him is when I sneak up to my sisters house. Please somebody tell me what I should do! Should I keep the whole thing a secret and go for the relationship or should i just end it even though I truly believe I am in love with him?

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The age difference might not matter to you or to him but rest assured it matters to the police.

If you really like this guy stay away from him for at least another five years unless you want to see him end up in jail.

If it is indeed true love, five years ain't nothing.

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First of all, any 26 year old man who would date a 13 year old is just not right in the head. You are a child still. And a year ago you were 12!! I am ...I just....I have no words for this other than if I were your sister, I'd be hopping mad that my little sister was dating a man twice her age!

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I know he could get in serious trouble but I really do care for him and he feels the same for me and he has tons of girls wanting him but they don't matter to him. I truely believe that he has feelings for me and I'm just afraid that if I wait the 5 years until it is legalized then he wouldn't wait because he has to start a life I mean he wants to have kids and get married and I'm just afraid that if I let him go he might think that I don't love him and move on even though he really does have feelings for me and if he finds someone else and has kids then I'll never get the chance to be with him

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Have you called Jerry Springer yet?

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i thought it was a typo and she's really 23. Then i kept reading.

Weren't you playing with barbies last year. If you were my sister (i have one that is 14 and i'm 25) i would beat that guys ass. 13 YEARS OLD cmon!!! Just cause you got a training bra does not mean you are a woman.

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jesfre wrote:

I know he could get in serious trouble but I really do care for him and he feels the same for me and he has tons of girls wanting him but they don't matter to him. I truely believe that he has feelings for me and I'm just afraid that if I wait the 5 years until it is legalized then he wouldn't wait because he has to start a life I mean he wants to have kids and get married and I'm just afraid that if I let him go he might think that I don't love him and move on even though he really does have feelings for me and if he finds someone else and has kids then I'll never get the chance to be with him

He has to wait 5 years in any case. Whether it's to marry you, or to serve time for not waiting for you to be legal.

If he loves you, and you love him, you will both be able to wait the five years. Best if you don't spend more time with him - you don't want to make this difficult for him, do you?

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The thing is I know I am still young but I am alot more mature for my age and NO I wasn't playing with barbies last year and I am not in a training bra. I really just don't want to loose him because I care for him that much can anyone understand that ?

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jesfre wrote:

The thing is I know I am still young but I am alot more mature for my age and NO I wasn't playing with barbies last year and I am not in a training bra. I really just don't want to loose him because I care for him that much can anyone understand that ?

Yeah we do but what you don't understand is that your stubborness to pursue a relationship that is 1) against the law 2) unrealistic at your age shows us how NOT mature you are. You are afraid he wants to get married and have babies soon. Well, of course...he is 26. Don't you want to go to college and enjoy the years where you don't have to worry about stuff? If you marry out of high school, changes are you will kiss your college education good bye. And if you wait til you are legal, he will be 31 and more than ready to start a family...will you be?

Love isn't all there is sweetheart. Love won't pay your bills or keep your relationship together. "Only love" is a fairy tale and not practical in the real world. It doesn't always work out. Ask almost anyone here and they will tell you the same.

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well for one he's only 24 and yeah I do plan on going to college but I disagree with a few things you said. Love is everything. I would rather be in love than have everything I wanted. How I feel right now I just I've never been happier and I can tell I really have something with him but does everyone really think I should just give it all up ?

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You shouldn't give up love, or give up on love, jesfre.

But ... you do need to be realistic about the trouble that could face both of you if you do not back off of an active relationship right now.

If you really love him - you will need to be aware of the potential risk he faces by being in a relationship with you.

If he really loves you - he needs to consider your right to grow up without worry and concern about hiding a relationship. Without fear of teen pregnancy. Without the fear of not being able to complete school, and later not being able to find good employment.

~~~~

There's a wonderful French saying, which roughly translates to "Love is not looking at one another, love is looking in the same direction."

In this case, I'd suggest that direction should be watching out for each other's best interests.

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If it's really love then you will be able to have a relationship that lasts 5 years without you having sex. Or at least lasts until you are really really sure that this is it. And i'm not talking that infatuation thing. I'm talking that maternal i-won't-let-anything-hurt you feeling; that i-would-die-for-you-feeling, that all consuming scaryness that turns your world totally upside down.

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I know two crack fiends that absolutley love each other but they would trade each other for a gram of crack in a sec. Love is not all you need. Sanity and maturity among other things are required.

I somehow doubt that 5 years from now she will feel the same. Rember this posting little girl, so you can remember how foolish you once were. We all were just as foolish as you when we were 13 also. Don't let this 24 year old man ruin your life.

If you are mature enogh, think about this scenario. Pretend that one day you had a 13 year old daughter. Would you let her date a 24 year old?

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Good point Tenoch. But I am sure she can't imagine that. Don't you remember being that age? You were never going to be like you parents. And you knew everything. It's being a teen. It isn't her that I am berating. It's this man who seems to think this is a perfectly ok situation. She is young and impulsive and foolish; a normal 13 year old. She doesn't know better but he should.

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You say that you are mature but to me you sound very selfish.

Your "love" could put this man in jail for years and put him on a sex-offenders list for the rest of his life.

It sometimes does happen that people meet their true love very young, look at Mary Kay Letourno and whathisname. She spent several years in prison while he finished growing up and now they're married.

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boomerang wrote:

You say that you are mature but to me you sound very selfish.

True... so true. Love means letting go sometimes. The old saying if it's meant to be it will be holds true. If it is, it will be.

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so even if it really is true Love I should still let it go knowing that I may never find someone else I love as much as him ? I am just so confused please everyone just quit telling me I am a child and think of it like this if you were in love with someone twice your age but you knew that you really truely cared for him would you try to stick it out or just let it go think of yourself in this situation please

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Try to read what people are saying, jesfre.

Many of the responses are suggesting you try to behave like an adult in love - consider the other person - try not to be selfish - think of the possible effect on HIM, not you - he could easily go to prison.

Do you really think you can keep this a secret for another five years? Someone will slip up - and he could end up in serious trouble.

It doesn't matter to police and judges if you want to be in the relationship. They care about the law.

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And to be blunt - there IS more of a difference between 13 and 26 than there is between 33 and 46. There simply is.

<edit to fix the numbers>

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my daughter is 24 now. if she were in your situation at your age and i found out? the police, judges and jail time would be the least of his worries.

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How Can I Make This Relationship Work ?

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