Unknowingly Dating a Married Man/Woman

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I just heard on the radio from a caller that she unknowingly was dating a married man (with children). She had been dating him for several weeks, things were going very well until one afternoon she bumped into him at the mall. He was with his wife and two young children! He actually introduced him to them (however, of course she was a friend on his softball team). Other listeners called in and this seems to be a fairly common occurrence. Seems dating services is a major place where this horrible men obtain their unsuspecting prey. I was shocked as it (at least to my knowledge) never happened to me. I do have one friend that it happened to and he worked with her! And this relationship was a serious one - all was found out when his wife called the office and she happened to answer the phone!

Also, do you think they should have told the wife? In the two cases above, neither did. However, one caller did state she was the wife and suggested that they should tell (in private).

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If I were the girlfriend I would have said:

"Oh how nice to meet you."

Then turn to the guy and say:

"Frank... we've been dating for two weeks now... how come you never mentioned your wife?"

And then turn around and walk away.

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How can these women/men not know?
The red lights must be blinking right at the start: She/he can't
call the new partner at home. She/he may not be available
on weekends, only some evenings. She/he will probably
avoid public places and so on, and so on.

What would I think of a man who deceived me and his
family? "Hit the road Jack", comes to mind, and nothing else.

By the way, I would not tell his wife. It is their marriage
and their lives, not mine. I only can make decisions for myself.

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The poor girl said she was so stunned and also did not want to cause a scene in front of the young children. She said she has not spoken to him since (surprise, surprise).

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My guess is it is much easier now with cell phones. Simply give your cell phone numbers - it may not bring anything into question as I know several people who do not have a home phone, just a cell.

Yeah and this girl on the radio said, now some things fall into place - like they only went out in the early evening - they were getting close, but yet he never invited her over, etc. I know in this case, she was only dating for a few weeks so these questions probably would not have been as obvious as they would have in another couple of weeks.

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CalamityJane wrote:

By the way, I would not tell his wife. It is their marriage and their lives, not mine. I only can make decisions for myself.

He could be endangering his wife though... I think she deserves to know the truth.

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Linkat, that's why they say: Love is blind! Wink

jpin, yes she deserves to know, but not from the mistress.
Chances are, the wife has a hunch and just doesn't want
to know or deal with it. Who would give me (speaking here
as the infamous mistress Wink

) the right to interfer?
Just because I was stupid enough to fall for married guy,
doesn't give me the right to destroy another woman's life,
or whatever is left thereof.

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CalamityJane wrote:

jpin, yes she deserves to know, but not from the mistress.
Chances are, the wife has a hunch and just doesn't want
to know or deal with it. Who would give me (speaking here
as the infamous mistress ) the right to interfer?
Just because I was stupid enough to fall for married guy,
doesn't give me the right to destroy another woman's life,
or whatever is left thereof.

I don't know... I guess I just look at it different. My wife has a friend who ended up with cervical cancer because her boyfriend cheated on her and passed along a HPV infection. Luckily she caught it in time, got treatment for it and can still have kids... other women aren't so lucky. That, in my opinion, is much more destructive then telling a woman her husband is cheating on her. Whether you knew it or not, you became part of these peoples lives when you started dating the husband. If you told the woman she would know for sure and then she can deal with it however she wants.

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You've got a point jpin - especially in today's world where
STD is more prevalent - but I still would not tell. Besides,
everyone should protect themselves properly in a new relationship and use condoms.

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CalamityJane wrote:

everyone should protect themselves properly in a new relationship and use condoms.

Amen to that.

On a completely different note... by any chance are you a graphic designer or something similar?? I noticed you always add your own hard returns to form nicely constructed paragraphs that are always very easy to read. Smile

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I'm only indirectly involved with marketing and design jpin,
but one of my old teachers always stressed the fact that if
you want to be read, keep your lines short.

Thank you! Wink

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I just don"t think I could ever do it unless something was seriously wrong with that persons lover. ie a coma etc.

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Unknowingly Dating a Married Man/Woman

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